My brother helped a lil but he killed himself. My aunt was my outlet and support she killed herself. My dad who I also took care of just died he was one that help keep mom under control she listened better to him. I have no life if I go to store I put her to bed she calls because she got up and fell so gotta run back home. I'm so tired!!
I am so grateful to the VA and happy to be back!
Thursday mornings when I take an aunt to dialysis but this is driving me crazy and I just feel like driving away and never returning. I have reached out to my stepson for help for one day a month to get away for a while nd I hope this will help.
Sorry for going on and on but feeling full right now.
If she doesn't take her anti-anxiety meds I can't stand to be around her!! She gets crazy. the problem right now is I had to add an iron pill, and it is a foreign pill in her box. The second dose, she put on top of her machine and like I expected, didn't take any of them. I happened to call in time for her to take them and still be able to take the night meds when they are despensed. It's a yelling contest at times. We both get frustrated. Yes! I want to run away. Doing it alone except for my husbands support. God bless you.
You need to take care of yourself. You've been through a lot and have remained strong. Do you what you must to get through this but don't ever give up. Caregiving is not forever. If no one is there to help you, there are many of us online to support you and let you know you're not alone. Though I don't comment often on this website, I check it frequently and it's helps to know others are dealing with the same difficulties. It's the hardest job we'll ever had. Condolences on your brother and aunt and try to look beyond the immediacy of the situation.
I know my sister when the parents were not coping, but became demanding. Then refused any help/care provided saying they wanted their independence, but would phone her that very afternoon. Got to the stage of leaving in reality and gave a years notice that she was shifting far far away.
But Pa died and Ma with 6mths of much hell and confusion for all, is now safely in a dementia rest home. and everyone can enjoy what life is about.
It is not wrong, or failing, or being selfish to need the help of a rest home........ its how coping for everyone is about.
I am heading towards the old age status myself, but am coming to realise that when one falls, has absolutely no injury but a bruise and ego squash. BUT cannot get up, then that is a signal they are no longer independent and need care.
For a good 10yrs prior to my Pa's death, he was for ever calling the ambulance, or getting my Ma to call when ever he fell over. In hindsight, that was a signal they should have been assessed for a rest home village situation.
Therefore if you mother falls, she needs to be told, that if she cannot get her self up again, then she needs 24/7 professional help.
AND you can go for your run away dream ride
==Listening to music or nature sounds [Youtube has lots to choose from--some go for 8 hours or more].
==Meditating/praying/listening for that still small voice
==Hang a just-the-right-toned wind-chime outside a window or door, so you can hear it sometimes--it's a tiny thing, but can interrupts a stress episode a bit.
==Lay on a towel or blanket in the garden for about 30 minutes or so, or walking barefoot in the garden, getting earth-contact [it's called 'grounding'].
==Have a cup of favorite tea, and maybe reading a book.
==Hide in plain sight: we lived in a tiny house, so I'd go into the front porch room, and just be there quietly--Mom didn't usually think to look there for me, because it was mostly used for storage. At one point I put a walking machine there, and used that a bit-at-a-time, and headphones with music, book or seminar; other times there was a chair to sit and read a little while; the room had lots of windows, so lots of daylight to lift mood.
==Being mindful of everything around me that was good.
==Being grateful for everything, large or small.
==Using a supplement called "5-HTP" to help balance moods, making it easier to handle stress. It helps balance neurotransmitters; only needs about 100 mg per day to do it, and it's cheap....but if you are taking anti-depressants, talk with your Doc before using it, as it helps raise serotonin levels, too.
==Have a spa day, get a massage, soak in a hot tub, or find a sauna--do this at least once a month, if you can, or at least occasionally. Students might charge less, or do a massage for free as part of their necessary practice hours for training.
==Spend a bit of time at the public library, or with a group you volunteer with.
==Reach out to talk with groups like this one, online-
-it's very good, and helpful, to know you are Not Alone! We've all had experiences, and can share how we handled them. You can get some great information and morale support here.
It's a harsh situation you are in for so long!
You have gone through so much!
It shows you ARE strong--firmly understand that!
But even the strongest heroes, need respite, need rest from their hardships.
I often felt like running away--in fact, I sorta did, but, it was more like hiding from her while still in the house, just to take a mental escape--it was not enough.
After 6 years, it got so bad, the small breaks created by dropping her off to do her shopping [which should have been supervised!], were not enough for me to re-set my senses from her terroristic behaviors.
It was too much.
Anyone carrying that level of stress so long, would feel messed up by it.
PLEASE work with social services, to get your mom into a care facility,
or at least have care-workers come to the house, to give you respite..
If you chose having a care worker come to the house, make sure Mom's legal paperwork is set up so that no one can change it---that has sometimes happened [a few home-care workers, or sometimes relatives, have tried, or done, a take-over their person's money and property, by taking them to a new lawyer and making new wills, POA's, etc.--this can be avoided, but it requires some legal help and documents].
You can still be part of her care-team, if you want, even if she's in a care-facility, but at least you would be able to start living life, get some respite, some healing for yourself, and find your genuine self again.
Please keep us posted how you are doing!