I have always had a good relationship with my deceased brother family until lately.
I move into my childhood home to take care of my 90 year old mother a few years ago.
What is infuriating me is my brothers family call my mother to tell on me or complain about me. My mother just told me my sister n law called her and told on me. She said They didn’t like my tone of voice which I spoke to the great grandchildren ages 10,11,12 at the last visit. The mothers would not do anything so after Asking them for 5th time to come out of my bedroom my voice probably had a tone. I wanted to spank the parents and children and send them home. (ha ha)The adults do not like me thinking I am in charge.
So ever time they call mom to complain about me from now on until they stop I am calling them back and educating them that I consider their behavior as a type of elder abuse.
I keep waiting on the grownups to show up and help me.
I have sat down and thought long and hard and I cannot remember when I have had a day off and away from the house other than grocery shopping or run a quick errand.
I enjoy this web site and have found it very helpful. It seems that those that do all the complaining are the ones that do not help with the care giving or share the responsibility.
The 'adults' are probably glad to let the kids have free reign of the house (YOU moved in with GRANDMA, right?) so they were used to that house being Grandma's and maybe under her reign they DID wander freely everywhere.
Talk to mom and let her know you would like her to help you by supporting your need for privacy (my own grands know the rooms in the house they are NOT allowed to party in, and they respect it).
If mom starts to help out by saying 'I'm sorry you were offended by Hopeful's frank talking to your kids, you need to keep a closer eye on them.' If mom can't do that, then you just stick to your guns.
Sounds like the monkeys are running the zoo.
As for your growing resentment at their failure to jump in and help - you signed up for this and they didn't, you need to look elsewhere for your respite.
(And get a lock for your bedroom door)
pretty lowball crime . :)>
jealous .. i was being relied on by a very vulnerable person and those losers couldnt stand it .
That disrespect from the brother's family would be the last straw for me.
I suppose what happened is that the family descended on the family home mob-handed over Christmas, and the young great-grandchildren were over-excited and running amok?
I shouldn't think your SIL rang your mother TO complain about you. I would have thought she rang to thank your mother (and possibly you too) for entertaining them, and this unfortunate episode came up in the conversation.
The kids should have been taught how to behave in other people's homes, but they won't be the only ones to have forgotten their manners over Christmas. Was it a good visit apart from that?
Secondly, your mother is fueling the fire by telling you what the others are saying! "Please, mother, I no longer care to hear the gossip that is being said about me if you would like me to continue living here and caring for you. Hurtful words are not necessary, serve no useful purpose and are not appreciated."
The 'grown-ups' are not going to show up and help you because you're not dealing with any grown up people here. It's all on you. So YOU are the one who needs to set down the boundaries or else you'll continue to be treated like garbage. With my granddaughter and her hideous behavior during this visit? Every time she acted inappropriately, I turned on my heel and left the room. I was NOT going to subject myself to her bratty behavior nor was I going to encourage it by begging her to play nice. Fuggedaboutit.
Wishing you all the best of luck standing up for yourself and demanding the respect you deserve!! YOU ARE WORTH IT!
You probably know the people involved well enough to figure out of that's what's happening here. If not, then I agree with the poster who said that your mother should have your back. Barring that, she should tell anyone who complains to raise their complaints with you directly, and if they do so, tell them exactly what you've told us.
Sorry, a 10, 11, and 12 year old should not be running amok and should know what the word "NO" means. They r not toddlers. I was babysitting my brother at 11 or 12. My grandmother saw no problem disciplining us when we did something wrong. I saw nothing wrong with my Mom doing it when it came to my kids. You had a right, as an ADULT to tell the kids to stay out of your room. I know the "tone" thing. It happens with me when patience is running thin. Which is alot since I really don't have any. So they didn't like ur tone. Oh well. Yes, its not your house but...you r living there to care for Mom and if they can't teach their children to repect someones space and an adult at that, you will gladly move out and they can take over the caregiving.
Don't react to what ur Mom says. In hindsight you could have said " well if her grands would have listened the first 2 times I asked them to stay out of my room, I wouldn't have had to use the "tone".