I am trying to decide if it is time to move my mother into Assisted Living.
Currently, my mom is living in independent living, where they offer 3 meals a day, transportation and some activities, but no medical. If a resident needs a home health aide, they can contract with the company that is management-sanctioned (they have an office in the building).
I'm hearing conflicting reports about her capabilities, also muddied by my own observations.
I've asked my mom's doctor what she thinks, and she says mom is fine where she's at, but needs a little help with medications and housekeeping. (That sounds like entry level assisted living to me.)
The management where she lives treats her as completely incapable and my mother constantly asks me to call them for her requests because they won't listen to her. They have all but forced her to give up her cat due to her not managing the litter box. She is very upset to lose her friend. (On this I agree with the management and wish I could thank them, at least for the cat's sake.) The management is supposed to provide light housekeeping, clean towels and linens. Due to COVID they are not housekeeping at all. They drop off sheets and towels every week,and then they are appalled at her lack of housekeeping (she has never been one of those spotless types) and said pre-COVID that they can't clean because she has too much stuff. So, she has her own vacuum cleaner and mops the tile areas, cleans the bathroom as best as she can. They charge to bring meals up when residents are sick, after the first three meals. This place is way too expensive to have to pay for someone to walk up one flight of stairs and hang a bag on a doorknob. I wish they would credit us for the unperformed housekeeping, and all the breakfasts she has never eaten.
In their defense, having lived with her all my life, I confirm that she can be challenging. What annoys me is their supposedly hands-off-independent-living-we-don't-mess-with-anything approach while still managing to meddle in an epically unprofessional scale.
Okay. Rant over. Point is that although they haven't said anything, it's obvious that they think she is overly needy in terms of their offerings.
My own observations... I think she could use a more structured environment where there are people looking in on her daily and helping out where needed. (housekeeping and the like). She is a social person, so I would like her to be able to make friends and to live somewhere where the staff is supportive and treats her with respect. You know, like an adult with a mind of her own.
A couple other things:
-My mother has asked for the home health aides to set up her pills every week. (leading me to believe that she is unsure in this area).
-She is incontinent. (I point this out from a housekeeping standpoint.)
-She does have some trouble with short term memory and I expect that will only get worse over time.
-My mother is really good at pulling the wool over strangers' eyes when it comes to her capabilities. Hence why I think the doc thinks she's good.
I have broached the topic with her, more as a threat than a reality, but I plan to bring it up again in the near future. Currently I am running the numbers, and doing the research to find places that will eventually take Medicaid.
Anyway. Do I go with my gut on this?
Thanks!
I agree, time for AL. If she could not care for her cat, then she no longer can fully care for herself.
It's time for Assisted Living. A person does not need to be totally incapacitated to require Assisted Living. Being incontinent, having a poor memory and the inability to administer her own medications is MORE than enough to qualify her!
Good luck!
Will she be in the same facility managed by the same people or will you move her to another facility that might have better management? (If the AL portion of the current facility is not staffed and managed by the same people then this question is moot)
If you plan on moving her to another facility make sure it will accept Medicaid. Often they will allow a resident that has been private pay for a number of years to remain on Medicaid. But there are some that will not accept Medicaid at all and you would hate to have to transfer her. Also the facility should have Memory Care as well.
As to the question when should she move..
When it is unsafe for her to remain where she is. If medication is a problem either not taking it, the wrong dose that is not safe. Not getting her apartment cleaned, particularly if she is incontinent (question also is does she need help bathing?) So it sounds like she is ready for the move to AL.
That cat is more important to her than to anyone else. Isn't there anyone who could go in daily and clean out the box for her? Pay someone to do it. If she wasn't a great housekeeper in earlier days, she certainly can't do it now. I would talk to the facility and find out what they plan to deduct from rent to offset services they are no longer providing and use the money to hire a private pay person to do it. Can you or other family member go in and tidy up to make it a little easier to keep it clean? She's probably been sitting in there, alone, and just lets things go more so than she would have when there was a little activity. Anyone can get in to a rut of no motivation.
Actually, you have a contract with this company. They have to honor their end of it, covid or not, or reduce the rent comparable to services she no longer gets. Seems to me they are taking advantage of the situation. Call your ombudsman's office or aging council in your area and find out about the services that have ended.
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