For 21 years, 77 year old Spouse has had serious health issues: 3x cancer, heart, later on diabetes. On May 30th was the 4th of his ER visits in 30 days and I drove him there each time as he moaned and cried in the seat beside me. One month later, he is on a steadier keel and improving, except for the hand tremors which are worse so I am doing the driving. My question is: on May 30th's night as I awaited news on when or whether to pick him up, I didn't want him to come back home. I didn't want him 'not' to come back, either. I realized I could handle it either way.
Since June 1st, the VA assigned a caregiver 3x weekly for 3 hours each time. It's been a godsend; after 3 weeks, the first caregiver quit for another job and now there's a new caregiver to get used to. It's still better than before, though, because I am 66 and do not have the endurance as I used to.
And for VA Aid and Attendance there are restrictions and there are forms to fill out (it's the VA !) but DO NOT pay someone to help. There are Veterans Commission Offices that will help you and possibly help get even more benefits. And their services are free. FREE... They can get copies of your husbands paperwork and help determine if ANY condition he has is what is considered a "Service Related Disability" this will assign a % to the disability and benefits increase the higher the %.
There are Day Care Programs the VA will fund as well so if he can go to Day Care that can help with your burnout. The VA also has Support Groups and you should ask about that. You can learn a lot from the others in a group.
You can also ask about Home Based Primary Care, the nurses and doctor will come to you if it is getting more difficult to get him to appointments. (for specialty appointments you would have to bring him to your local VA or CBOC though.
And if you need supplies from medications, briefs (tab type to pull up), gloves, ointments, equipment ask and you most likely can get them delivered. (and ask if he qualifies for "catastrophic coverage" if he does there is a 0 copay)
And I do not know if it is still available or available in your area but there was a program called VIP (either Veterans In Place or it might have been Veterans Independence Program) that provides you with a budget that will enable you to hire caregivers as well as other help that will enable you to keep him at home.
If this is not an option and you can not keep him at home again depending on the % of disability he may qualify for one of the Residential Communities the VA has. (The types vary from area to area. )
It was a strange but welcome feeling to consider that I didn't care either way if he returned home. Before during all the other health crises throughout the 21 years, the plan had been 'what to do once he returns home.'