My father hasn't been formally diagnosed with dementia, but doctors are saying that he is showing signs of early stage. He is suicidal, and has attempted twice with a knife. My mother is his primary caregiver, but she can no longer take care of him. I am not in a position to move into their home right now (but I would) and take care of him, but he needs around the clock care. My sister is an RN and she says he can't go home again, after a thwarted suicide attempt sent him to the hospital with a broken hip. He wants to be home, to die at home. How do we tell him that he needs to be in a place that can take care of him, that he can't go home? Is it too soon to put him in a home for proper care? Or is it an option, considering that he is suicidal? He's 71, and in fast decline. I'm so lost.
That said, maybe getting your dad a Geriatric psyc eval while he is at the hospital could help with his depression and suicidal tendencies (no doubt he has had this but maybe there is more they can do?) but if you have tried all of that, medication even if called for, does he have other medical or physical issues that make him feel the end is near or want to to be? Is he in his right mind so to speak or altered when planning and trying to carry out suicide? Part of me can understand the desire to pass at home before having to be moved to a NH but he doesn't live alone and your mom isn't on board with what he's doing so it isn't all about him and his wishes. It's such a hard thing to understand and live through, I'm so sorry your family is having to go through this.
We want him to die at home, but because he is suicidal, we may not be able to let that happen. He is only strong enough to get to the bathroom and the kitchen by himself, but he may be bedridden for the rest of his life now. Even if he was able to walk again, I don't think home would be a good place for him. Is home dementia care for someone who is suicidal an option? Has anyone had to go through this?
The only way I would allow him home is if mom were not there to be his verbal punching bag. Does he have the $ to pay for private psych workers 24/7, while the family only visits the house? Is the setting worth that sacrifice, to strip your mother of her home when it is he who abuses?
So no. Don't allow him to come home but instead put him where he needs to be. That may be a geriatric psych unit. Tell him he can come home once his meds are straightened out and he's recovered enough from the surgeries to go home. That day will never come, but you will not destroy the little hope he has left. And more importantly, it will protect your mother.
Im really sorry for the loss of your father. Peace for you and your mom.
Do look into a local support group for yourself and your mother. And we're here anytime you need.