The other 2 siblings live out of state or far out of town. I’ve attempted to loop them in trying to get help with making calls for Dad, etc. as I also work full time. Each time they have ignored my requests get some help. Yet I consistently keep them up to date on his condition despite their lack of interest. If Dad has Dr. appointments or multiple trips to the ER, I take him. He was recently hospitalized and it’s very serious. One sister came in for Christmas and didn’t let me know she’d be here. I’ve had to avoid the hospital the past 2 days as I’ve had the flu. Keeping up with his progress via calls with nurses as I’m his primary contact there. Yesterday as I called to get an update and check his online record which I have access to - I discovered I could no longer log in. I called the nurse then and she said she couldn’t talk to me because I had to go through my sister who was there. Apparently my sister went in there and had my Dad sign POA over to her and the other sibling (there was no preexisting POA). I was listed as third - only if both of them were incapacitated could I have any input in Dads care. She stated my Dad told her he wanted it that way which is completely inconsistent with how Dad has done everything prior to yesterday. I now am completely cut off from knowing about Dads care. I hate to ask my Dad about his intent while he is so sick but something doesn’t seem right - siblings have stopped all communication with me when I ask what happened. Then they told me I shouldn’t talk to our sick dad about it. With my relationship with my Dad over these past 6 months of caring for him I’m beyond shocked and hurt. Didn’t see this coming. I’m closer to him and talk to him multiple times a day vs a few times a week or month for my sisters. Do I have any rights here? Walking away from my dad doesn’t seem like it’s what he’d want. But I feel like this POA was signed without any prior discussion, consent, or planning - especially since I’m the only one local and doing all the work. Any insight would be appreciated. Caregiving is stressful enough as it is without this coming out of nowhere.
If your Dad was anesthestatized for whatever "very serious" issue he is experiencing, there is a phenomenon called "hospital delirium" that occurs after an elder has been given anesthesia. It usually clears up a few days later, but sometimes it creates a permanent cognitive problem. If he had delirium after a procedure, the PoA would not be legit, but without witnesses or a medical assessment, not sure where you can take this but to an attorney.
If your Dad had mild dementia before entering the hospital, the change in environment could have caused confusion and he could have told your siblings a "confabulation" about things he believes are true, yet are not. This is a very common problem with dementia. The uninvolved family hears it from their LO and take it as the truth and are shocked by the "revelations" and the go into overdrive to "rescue" the elder by taking over the decision-making.
Infections can cause cognitive changes in elders (like a UTI, sepsis, etc)
But... if these siblings weren't interested in being involved prior when you were seeking their help, then maybe this is going to be a blessing to you: you stay completely out of helping your Dad now. Let them do it and see how they like it. There's nothing like a good object lesson to change drive home a point to someone: like how taxing hands-on caregiving is.
In the end you yourself said you have a full-time job and your Dad's care is now ramping up and you are not his PoA. The reality is that you won't be able to do both: your FT job and FT caregiving without any legal authority. He is now needing more care than you (or probably your siblings) can provide. Now you can continue to support yourself and go visit your Dad without having the caregiver burnout.
I wish you peace in your heart is deciding how you will approach this change.
If you are in the position of caring for someone and you do not have POA or any other legal authority to take on the role then either get POA or Guardianship if POA is not possible or be prepared for someone to step in and take over. It could be a family member or the legal system.
Now that that is out of the way....
There is not much you can do unless dad revokes the POA. And if dad is cognizant that is a possibility.
If you are well enough to visit you should visit your dad. (Unless they have placed a restriction on your visits)
If you do believe that this is inconsistent with your dad's wishes you could ask a lawyer if there may have been undue influence while your dad was not completely cognizant. If he was not aware of what he was signing then the POA is not legal.
If the POA stands as it is then step back as there is not much you can do. Let the siblings take over the caregiving role. And as difficult as it will be do not help let them figure it out.
It puts a whole 'nuther spin on this if dad has money and there is a possibility of financial abuse that might be in play. If that is the case you do need to talk to an attorney.
I suggest if Dad comes home and he is of sound mind, you have a lawyer draw up a Financial and Medical POA with you as POA for both. Dad can revoke the one at the hospital. If he refuses, then you tell him you cannot care for him without it. Make sure your on all HIPAA forms.
The ones that don't do the caring always swoop in and take over. Usually because money is involved or just like the control. I would say nothing to Dad, just visit for now. I would ask though, if the POA is permanent or only for this hospitalization. If permanent, I may inform dear sister that you will no longer care for Dad. That her holding POA means she can now do the caring.
Her having the POA does not really mean she needs to do the caring, but I would not care for a person without having it. That means you do the caring and she has the control.
1. Family is worried about dad or his money, and has stepped in big time
or
2. Family questions his care and want to assume care of him.
My first step would be to call a hospital social worker and tell him/her exactly what you told us in paragraph one: that family was heretofore uninvolved, that you did all the caregiving as the child who lived closest, giving them updates as you went. that suddenly now--while he is hospitalized and you have flu-- they have swooped in for a POA document and you are uncertain what OTHER documents to assure all care, and forbid you to speak with Dad about this.
A) Ask for a family meeting with Social Workers and other siblings (hopefully without their spouses).
B) If Social Services cannot help, call APS.
As I said, we don't know you.
We don't know Dad. His condition mentally. His prior care. His wishes now.
We don't know the other family members.
We can have no idea what's happening here. But it is within your power to find out.
Perhaps Dad wants to move in with your bros now?
Perhaps he has been unhappy and afraid to express it to you?
Perhaps he wishes placement?
We just can guess. If you are clueless, how much more so must WE be?
It's anyone's guess, so it is on you to track down what is happening given that people seem oddly "withholding" on facts here.
Good luck. It's a mystery. Hope you will update us as you sleuth it out.