I stopped saying yes to everything that she wanted me to do. I have dual power of attorney. In 2016 the doctor that was caring for my my grandmother told me and her daughter that my grandmother needed a POA ASAP and she refused because she was going to live in Illinois with her son. My grandmother lived with me until she was placed in a nursing home with the ok from some of her children. October of this year I decided to let my grandmother come home to live with my aunt to please her. My grandmother pays for rent, food and her own expenses. She doesn't receive the amount of care she needs and now I'm banned for her house. I attended all of my grandmother's doctor appointments and my name is on every document up until this very day. I'm still in contact with all of her nurses because they contact me before they come out for visits. Now they are fighting for legal guardianship and have no clue when my grandmother is having a medical emergency. I just did a well check on my grandmother a few days ago and she was having a health crisis that could've ended her life. I love my family but not as much as I love my grandmother. She still has 13 out of 15 living children and I still ended up being the POA. I need advice ASAP. Please!
I don't understand why you would allow her to live with a person you feel isn't taking proper care of her. And I sympathize with your aunt who undoubtedly does not want to have to run every aspect of her mother's care and expenses past you when she is the one looking after her. Just be aware that these kinds of family disagreements over guardianship can sometimes result in neither of you being awarded the role, instead the court could appoint an unbiased third party.
If you do not want POA or guardianship then you do not need to be in court. You can relinquish the POA to the successor if one is named.
There must be much more background to this story.
Court may decide to appoint a court guardian as CW said.
If you want the POA or guardianship, yes, you definitely, need to go to court!
And you need an attorney that specializes in elder law. Why would you have grandma released from a facility to go live with auntie?
And we are not through. You can Go to court. Ask for audit by the court. The Guardian has to submit annual paperwork on how funds spent. What was guardian's care of ward. Where is it is. How often is guardian seeing ward. Huge paper work.
A guardianship trumps a POA, but it is very heavily monitored. Is there a bankruptcy by potential guardian? A felony? Money owed to ward? Mental illness? Immoral character?
Theres a BUNCH of hoops.
ETA to clarify. The 5100 got the actual guardianship. We will have EOY fees for accounting of how money spent. Could be 500. That's what my firm charges, if the records are good. It is easier if ward in a facility. We will still have fees to set up Miller or qualified income trust for Medicaid. We will have CPA fees because of substantial IRS debt.
A guardianship is not at all cheap. Not at all.
Im not really comfortable with going over there but I'm about to go. I don't want her there but I got to make a choice asap. She will be 85 soon and her dementia is getting worse. I don't want to take her back to the nursing home and she no longer has the ability to walk. So my home is not a good place for her because all of the rooms is located upstairs.
Cone to think about it I think military one source might be able to direct me to someone who could give me so insight on something I just remembered.
Again thanks for the advice!
Take all of this to the guardianship hearing and submit it to the court for consideration about grandma and her progress or decline based on the who, what, where and when of her care.
What is the other POA saying about all of this?
Good job getting rep payee. Be sure and keep good records and if you have to pay auntie rent for grandma, make her provide a bill in writing so you can account for the money.
Best of luck getting grandma the care she needs without a family meltdown. She still needs the love her children can provide.
Do this even if you hire an attorney, it will save you money for their services.
I tried to make my auntie the Co POA before my grandmother came home from the nursing home for the third time but she declined.
Who says potential ward needs a guardian? Are there letters from two different doctors who have had ongoing diagnostic medical relationship with? Is your person incapacitated? Says who?
OTOH, there are cases of a nurse's aid hooking up your ward with another attorney to remove a present POA and replace. It happens. You would not believe some of the stuff in elder law. You wouldn't.
My Grandma had 15 children. Now 13 is still living. First thing he would ask is why is she even POA with all of ya'll living and capable of being POA? Guess what the answer would be? I'll tell you. They would state that she (neaning me) was taking care of her and at the time it was the right choice at the time because she was handling everything medically and financially. The next question would be. Why do you think she's not capable of being POA now? That question I can't answer now because I'm still trying to figure out why now myself.
If someone is going to take advantage or abuse someone they have to isolate that person, therefore, that person has no way out and/or anyone to help he or she to get out.
How did you become POA? Was it up to grandmother who made you POA or did it just happen that way? I ask because if grandmother made you POA she had her reasons for not making one of her kids POA.
Look at the word 'demanded' that is a strong word! Aunt could have just stated "hey, I need to raise the rent because of xyz, but to demand for more money!" Hmmm
"They are now fighting for guardianship." Why? What I mean is, why now? Why not earlier on, like when grandmother started having problems, or when aunt first move back? Ask yourself does aunt have the money to fight for guardianship? Another question I would ask myself is "is aunt having money problems", as in needing more money? Prehaps aunt can't afford the new house!
Why are you banned from the house? Did you do something wrong? I am not stating that you did, I am trying to walk you through my thought process. If you did nothing wrong than that tells me there is a hidden motive by your aunt.
I personally smell a fox in the hen house!
I use to play chess and now I look at everything like a chess broad, which in any given situation I look at it from every point-of-veiw, if I am to go up against another person than I take into a count what are their moves. What will they do next? I am telling you this because again I am showing you my thought process. Maybe it can help you to look at this situation from different point views.
If possible I would get guardianship over grandmother. At the very least, I would have her removed from your aunt's house. I would not care if I started a war in the family because it comes down to 'what is in the best interest of my LO'. This is easy for me to say because I have always been someone who never shys away from a fight! In my family I am known to rock the boat, good, bad, or indifferent! Do you call grandmother and talk to her? If yes, then perhaps you could talk to her about moving. If this is not possible than I would talk to her when you take her to a Drs appt. If it was me I would find away of getting her out of that house! Meanwhile, I would tell the aunt this is what I will pay for grandmother's rent nothing more and nothing less. Write an agreement up and make the aunt sign it. If she refuses than I would simply state "you will not receive any rent money until you sign this." What will your aunt do? Kick out grandmother out? This may seem harsh, but from your post and your replys they want to play hard-ball. However, you must look at all of your options, and ask yourself "what am I willing to do and/or give up to win?" Not that this is about winning, this is about protecting someone who can no longer protect themselves!
"For every problem there is a solution, we just have to find the solution!"
If aunt does go to the courts for guardianship make sure you go and have your own lawyer. Don't forget to document everything that is going on!
I hope this helps. Good luck!
I was given temporary POA from my grandmother's doctor on 2016. My aunt was present at the hospital at the time. She refused to take POA because she was quitting her job to go live with her son, his wife and kids because her son had just came home from the navy and moved closer. At the time her some was able to pay her a nice wage to help around the house. My auntie moved back because her son had started giving her less money then expected. She isn't good with money. She had a gambling problem now she had developed a shopping problem. When she started spending all of her money up that's when her problem with me came about. My grandmother bagged me to never let her have extra money for no reason. They also wanted me to give up my grandmother's life insurance policy because it only pay for burial. She said I needed a bigger policy so money could be leftover after the funeral was paid for.
After my grandmother came home from the hospital the doctor stated that someone would need to get paperwork done to become the official POA three months later. O went to my grandmother's children including my auntie but they all declined and suggested that I be the POA. So at this point my grandmother was able to ln ake me her POA. Not to mention that I have her on video stating why she made that choice.
My Grandma raised me differently from how she raised her own. Not to brag but to show that she thought me everything I know. She always told me when I was a child that reminded her of herself and she was raising me to be able to take care of her when the time came. I know this might not matter but going through this with people I trusted and loved my whole life is hard.
I'm currently getting a rental agreement together now. My husband is in the military and one of his military colleagues is a lawyer and is helping me get things together. I've always came to the conclusion that if she doesn't want me near her house then my grandmother could no longer stay there. I tried to respect her wishes by staying away but I rather make sure I'm putting my grandmother's best interest first and making sure she's ok.
No court date has been set because they don't have the money to start the process. I told her it's a expensive process but she didn't want to believe me. She found out the hard way.
So currently I'm getting ready to go see my Grandma and present my auntie with the rental agreement.
Thank you for the positive feedback. I'm happy I found this page. You're very kind and helpful!
P.S.
I have years of video and voice recordings. And now I have documented evidence from family members, doctors, nursing home, hospitals and nursing agency's that back me up. And when I recently did a well check on my grandmother the team that came out said that if I would ever have to go to court the would have to be present at the court day to testify on their findings.
Yes, definitely show up in court and make the case as best you can that you are perfectly capable of seeing to your grandmother's needs. I would be prepared for your aunt to challenge that, though, so come with documentation of all that you've done for her!
1st being that you yourself told us that your grandmother is not receiving proper care in your aunts home, nor do they know when she is having a medical emergency. You know this and have not intervened. You are actively planning on leaving grandma there.
2nd, now you are in control of her money you are drawing up a rental agreement for your illiterate aunt to sign. Someone that can't read, can't sign a document that is legal without representation. She should be the one having a rental agreement drawn up. This could be misconstrued as placing her under duress to sign to get paid.
3rd, you are climbing tacys frame because she has offered you good sound council on what a POA is responsible for and you don't want to hear the reality of the repercussions to you for the things you have/are doing.
As a POA you agreed to make sure she is cared for in the best possible manner, regardless of what any family members say, you have the authority and the responsibility for that authority. Just because you are not taking care of her doesn't absolve you of the lack of care and dangerous conditions she is living in, you agreed to ensure her wellbeing, you can be prosecuted if something happens because of what you stated in your question. I don't care what the cops told you, they mostly just don't want to be involved in family drama, so say whatever to shut it down.
Instead of getting angry, you should be thanking her for pointing out things that you have/are doing so you can implement immediate changes.
If you don't want to know, you shouldn't ask.
I didn't appreciate the rudeness. But I thanked the person for their advice. I did intervene all within the proper timing. My auntie realized its things that she wasn't able to pick up on. I've made arrangements for my my grandmother to have a CNA present when my auntie is not home plus more family is getting involved.
Alot of people on this post gave me very good advice and I used it. My auntie didn't want to be held accountable if something happened to her mother and it was due to neglect that she didn't realize was happening at the time. With me having record of conducting a well check when I did I was cleared by law enforcement and was assured that I was not in the wrong when I wasn't allowed to the house. Plus if we would've went to court the cops and pragmatics that came out would've had to also be in court. Yeah one of the cops personally went through the same thing.
Now everyone is way calmer and thinking before they act. That goes to show that I wasn't wrong and communication goes a long way. Maybe I was letting my auntie push me away from what I was originally doing as far as being able to visually see my Grandma to make sure she was ok. That was purely out of respect for her even though I was dying inside every day that I didn't go see my Grandma.
My Grandma raised me. She gave me POA before her dementia started to worsened. When I was visiting her she still remembered me that was the moment I knew that the only thing that could keep me from seeing her is death. Getting advice from the people on this page helped me get to that point. If you ain't going through this you will never understand how I was feeling and what emotional toll this situation was taking me through. I truly love my grandmother. So I'm sorry but I'm tired of people being rude to me. Just because you give some good advice doesn't mean you could be rude in the process. If so just keep your advice. I didn't get rude and I thanked that person for their advice as well. And if you couldn't understand why you should responded. Have a blessed 2019.
Best of luck.