I'm 48 and just divorced so I decided to move in with my mother to help after her back surgery. I've noticed she is forgetful and obsesses about money all the time, even stashes large amounts in house, not bank cuz she doesn't trust the bank. She's been accusing me of doing drugs and stealing money, which is hurtful and causes fights. So she calls her toxic sister, who I've never gotten along with, and she plants terrible ideas in my mothers head. Her sisters kids are both drug addicts and have stolen from her. So now I'm threatened to be kicked out evertime we argue. This happens at least twice a week. I'm mentally defeated. What should I do?
This doesn't sound like it's going to work out long term.
So, if you can do this, ignore her when she starts her accusations and leave the room. Refuse to argue with her.
I have a relative I was bending over backwards to help when she was still living in her house. Many times she accused me of stealing things. The most I ever got in the way of an apology when she found lost items was "I'm sorry if your feelings got hurt!"
One day I spend most of my day picking her up, taking her to the doctor, bought us both lunch and brought it to her house to enjoy. We were sitting at her dining room table eating. Table was FULL of papers and junk. She left the room to use the restroom. Later she came back and started going through the junk while eating and spotted her checkbook under the papers. She later accused me of looking through her checkbook to see how much money she had, simply because I was sitting at the same table! I pretty much stopped helping her after that incident.
One last thing I'd like to mention........if you do not already have POAs for your mother, and if she's not been deemed incompetent *yet*, you may want to try getting those documents in place and notarized NOW. So when your mother needs to be placed in long term care, should that happen, you'll have your ducks lined up and ready to go.
Best of luck!
you are on a path of being thrown out, or worse yet..being reported to APS. They are likely to accuse you to someone official!! You need to be gone from there before you have to defend yourself in front of a judge
this isn’t going to get better
leave now, while it is still in your power to decide how and when you depart
Ive got to figure all this out and I'll reach out to her cousin for back up and advice.
Thank you
This is so depressing. I'm sorry that this has turned into a "poor me" issue. I'm not as strong as I thought, I guess.
The accusations are fueled by her sister whom she talks to every morning, she unfortunately call and wakes my mom way too early, btw, as my mom needs her sleep. My mother will "tattle" whenever we fight which only pleases her sister and gives her reason to fill my moms head with lies and ridiculous ideas about me. In a sick way this makes her sister happy knowing she's not the only one who is miserable, even though my mom isn't, she just tries to convince her she is. When I tell my mom that I'm going to call her sister, she freaks out and threatens to kick me out again, ugh. Oh, and her sister also is trying to convince my mom to call the police and have me convicted of "Elder Abuse". What??!!
I'm basically stuck between a rock and a hard space right now. I don't want to leave my mom but I can't stand the occasional fights... Over nothing! This only makes me worry more. I found that eldercare.gov provides Dr's who specialize in dementia and I can get her in for evaluation, but how do I convince her to go? And should I confront her crazy sister? I can't leave my mom, as we had been estranged for too many years as it is. I see maybe a year or two before she may need assisted living and I'd like to spend those last years with her:(