My mother spends her days trying to find things in my house to destroy. It is relentless, all day long. If I try to stop her from breaking something or tearing something up she punches, slaps, kicks, puts her hands around my neck, knocks my phone from my hand, bites .... whatever she can do, and then later accuses me of being the one who caused it. I'm so sick of feeling like I'm under siege in my own home. She goes from door to door banging and kicking, gets in the oven, the fridge, the countertop, the bookcase, the entertainment center, the blinds on the windows, you name it, one after the other, over and over and over. One time today when I took something from her she literally growled at me. She cries, she screams, ..... when she was on the geriatric psych floor they said she bit them and would throw herself on the floor like a 2 year old having a tantrum. And yet I can't get any doctor to medicate her correctly. Her neurologist and two hospital doctors said it's psychosis and not just dementia. The psychiatrist at the hospital er says it's neurological and there's nothing more they can do on the geriatric psych floor so they won't admit her. Her GP doesn't like to give the type of meds she needs and wants a psychiatrist to prescribe them. He sent her back to the hospital, they gave her a shot and sent her home. Every doctor kicks it down the road. I have appointments for her with another psychiatrist and one with an elder care center to see if I can get help there. I'm so exhausted. I just don't want to do it anymore
Your problems may be totally different from what I went through but I understand exactly how you feel. Could she have some underling cause like urinary tract infection?
What I discovered at that time when I desperately needed help, there was none. Nursing homes knew he was combative and would not take him. I never thought this could happen but it did. I thought they had staff that could handle these situations. I was forced to get Hospice in. Various types of medications did not help. In the end I had to call 911 and he was taken to the hospital where he was medicated and never seemed alert again before everything failed and he passed.
It was a true nightmare for me. I can only imagine what he went through but I didn't know what else to do.
I am sorry if this answer doesn't help but I just related to the experiences you are having and how you're feeling. I read a few comments questioning what you meant by wanting out. If you haven't been there like I was, you probably aren't able to understand the desperation in your post. I guess that is really all I wanted to convey to you.
May God be with you in this. Amen
"When she melted down in his office (GP) and he had an ambulance take her to the hospital".
What needs to change is what happens next.
Question title is "Just want out". The really hard questions that come to my mind are 'do you want OUT.. of caregiving completely or maybe partially? Or is it a different thing you want, like, a cure?
If 'Out' it is, then being discharged to your home needs to stop. How does she currently get back back home from hospital? Does she get transported or do you collect her?
I think when you are so deep into crises it is hard to think & plan. But some 'blue & white hat' thinking is usually helpful. (Leave the more emotional hats off briefly).
My mother is 94 years old with dementia & on Seroquel for a long time…sometimes works & then if not…needs to be increased. She does the biting thing too…along with hitting, scratching & cursing. She’s a handful for sure. However, she don’t walk ..& so to go to kitchen & grab knife to kill me…as she keeps threatening.
Hugs 🤗
When they're not mobile anymore there isn't a real threat. You walk away and let them scream and threaten until they tire themselves out. Or make sure the doctor prescribes a liquid medication like lorazepam, xanax, halidol, clonipin, etc... and administer that medication the same way as you would to a dog, and hold their mouth shut so they can't spit it out.
This sounds harsh but sometimes it's the only way. When it's a home caregiving situation with one caregiver, there is no other way.
When the person is still strong and mobile with no problems getting around, they have to be in facility care. In-home caregiving is not safe then.
I don't know where you live but her Docs sound horrible just passing her off one to another. Is there any way to get the neuro and psych together to make a decision? Maybe you can consider getting a geriatric manager to help get her properly medicated by the appropriate Docs and placed in an appropriate facility.
Best wishes for a quick and efficient conclusion to this disaster.
This forum is great for ongoing support. You can jump into some of the support threads (if you need a point to some of those, let us know) and post as needed. Or post new threads, too, whatever you want/need to do. You don't have to be alone in this. People around here give good input from their own experiences.
Good Luck!
And your mother is only 75?! How many years will this go on????
PLEASE PLEASE read and heed the excellent advice already given. You do NOT have to continue to put up with this nightmarish situation! It's clear that everyone, include the medical professionals, expects you to "put up and shut up." I hate that!
Are you the only one with POA, HCPOA? (I'm assuming you have those?)
I worry for your health -- physical, mental and emotional. You are a prisoner to your mother's illness. Keep posting here, and we will encourage you to remove yourself from this situation (remove your mother from your home).
I'm sorry for your circumstances. Sounds terrible. And you might have to do something drastic, like "dump" her at an ER, to get your need for help across in a way that someone finally implements a meds plan for her. :-/
You’re in way over your head! I don’t know how you are still standing. Your story reads like a nightmare.
I am so very sorry that you are in this situation. Of course, you are beyond exhausted. I would be afraid of being harmed or of her accidentally harming herself.
Does she sleep at night or is her behavior totally erratic at all hours?
I wouldn’t hesitate to call 911 immediately for her behavior and hope with all my heart and soul that they will find a way to help her.
I can’t even imagine how much this must effect you emotionally. On one hand, this is your mom. On the other hand, she is an ‘out of control’ person that you can’t possibly connect with.
I hope and pray for peace in your life, now and when this situation is resolved for you and your mom.
I know that this sounds heartless. But stepping back may be the only way to get her the help she deserves.
I think that you may have to do this so that she can get the care she needs. It's just atrocious that no doctors are helping her.
You matter as well and you are out of your depth. Time for the hard choices.
I pray that you find a way to do this.
Great big warm hug!
Something needs to be done ASAP. How long has this been going on? She's got some serious issues that these doctors need to address! You can NOT live like this. She's going to seriously hurt you or herself.
If it were me, I'd call 911 next time she threatens you or is getting physical with you. This is abusive and her meds need some serious adjustment! I would say that I am scared of her. And once she leaves, I would refuse to allow her back home. If she is in a facility, I bet they will figure out the med situation VERY quickly.
Be careful and take care of yourself.