My parents and aunt/uncle have been caring for my grandmother for some time. Grandma is currently living with my aunt & uncle at their house. Grandma is incapable of properly caring for herself, she can no longer cook, clean, do laundry, manage her medication or diet properly (she is diabetic, has high blood pressure) and has mobility issues. She no longer drives and needs transportation for her doctor and physical therapy appointments. Until last week, my aunt was doing all of this. My grandma decided to get into an argument with my aunt, and now no longer wishes to live there. My parents cannot physically care for her, and so Grandma agreed to be placed in assisted living. We are currently searching for a facility, and working on increasing her income so the facility can be paid for... we discussed the timeline with Grandma... and she agreed that it was ok if it took some months. Today she came up with the plan to live in some random lady she knows home.. she has had no contact with this lady in years due to said ladies alcoholism. What my family is looking for is some sort of release of liability form, so if Grandma gets injured/hurt at this ladies house, or something happens, the family can't be held legally responsible.
Does anything like that exist?
- you have legal guardianship over her and you allow her to live there
- you sign the lease on behalf of Gramma
If she moves in with this random lady your Gramma is ripe for elder abuse and I suggest intervening to prevent this move. Find out who this person is and go visit her to "inspect" the home. This is really the opportunity for your family to let this woman know your Gramma's true condition and that SHE (the landlady) will be legally responsible for anything that happens to her, like falling, wandering off, etc. and does she really want this responsibility? Ask if she has umbrella insurance for these situations (doubtful). The point is to make it appear that you're a litigious family ;-) She may not care that Gramma has dementia, or even believe you, just let her know that she's on your radar.
If your Gramma doesn't currently have enough income to afford assisted living, your aunt should help her apply for Medicaid. Most senior care facilities allot a few rooms for Medicaid recipients. The gov't can't take her house, if that's the concern. She may not qualify if she has any other assets, like savings and investments. If she has nothing but her social security check and owns nothing else, or has a lot of medical debt, she is sure to be approved. Once the form is submitted, it will take about 3 months for an answer (depending on where you live). We did this for my mother-in-law and she is now in a nice long-term care facility getting exactly the same quality of care and attention as everyone else.
Has your aunt ever taken her to the doc to get assessed for cognitive decline or dementia?
If Gramma doesn't have a durable Power of Attorney or refuses to sign one, then her daughter (or your aunt) could pursue guardianship of your Gramma through the court system but they will have to prove she is incompetent. I'm not sure of the cost or timeline for this. Whoever has guardianship has total legal power over her decisions and choices. Wishing you a good outcome!
They need to sit with her and explain Gma's limits and what is needed to care for her. Her house should be disabled accessible. Bars in the shower. On one floor. If your Dad feels its unsafe, maybe APS can check the home out and tell Gma its not a safe place for her. Even Office of Aging maybe able to help.
I think if this woman is taking in Gma, Gma has promised her something like money. Gma has probably not told her what her health problems are.
As your grandmother is - you seem very certain - mentally competent there is no question of the family's being liable for the consequences of her decisions. You, the family, could get that assessment in writing from her doctors, if you want to dot the i's and cross the t's; but you have no power whatsoever to stop her doing as she pleases and therefore no responsibility for her.
But also, having said that, don't you think you can pretty confidently call her bluff? She's going to move in with RL. Okay. Go ahead. Now what? How's she going to move her stuff? How's she even going to get there? What preparations will RL have made? Who'll be taking her to appointments, seeing to her laundry, bringing her her meals? Has anyone written a brief for RL so that RL knows what's coming?
This all blew up only a week ago, and to me it sounds like hot air. I should let it blow over - BUT keep up the preparations for getting grandma admitted to a facility. Your poor aunt must be at the end of her rope.
Encourage your dad to let her live with her choices and consequences, reaffirm that he isn't responsible for her happiness and all he can do is step back and let her find out what life is really like. Placing someone in a facility is very difficult, however, when they choose not to be civil to their family that has sacrificed their lives for them, it is time that others care for them.
Can you have a heart to heart with grandma and explain what her choices will cost her, as in the family removing themselves from the train wreck and maybe she will have hurt everyone so much that they just walk away and she spends the rest of her life with only strangers? Make it sound as bad as it could be and if she starts acting like a child tell her to stop,her behavior is inappropriate and will not be tolerated.
Even if we reframe it as "wanting what's best for her" there are no guarantees. She's decided that my Aunt is mean, and mistreats her. Which is far from the truth. She did this to my mom years ago too.
Just at loss right now. Thank you for your reply.
I would contact law enforcement and say granny is a risk and get her committed for psych evaluation. Anything to stop her from committing a slow suicide.
I am wondering if Grandmother now has dementia, because with dementia it is not uncommon for a person to make up stories. Has the family even met this woman, if she actually exists?
Time for the family to look into Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] where Grandmother can move into a nursing home and the State Medicaid will pay for her room/board and care. That way, Grandmother can have a village looking after her, and be around some people of her own age group.
We don't know what Grandma has told this lady, other than her basically stating my aunt hates her, doesn't care for her properly, (completely false) and that she has to leave because my uncle isn't there during the day (implying she is left alone...which is completely untrue.)
I will look into the medicaid. She currently has medicare, collects social security, and I was working on medi-cal, and trying to get survivors benefits from the VA (my grandpa passed in 2004, and had served 6 years in the army and navy during Korea).
We just don't know how to keep her from making this decision. We don't have power of attorney.