This woman. Dementia. Not her fault, she can't help it. Dementia. 3 hours ago, she went on facebook and said her daughters are cruel to her. So, I called her and asked what my sister and I have done that she feels is cruel. She denied saying it at all. Several times. Then said, my sister said terrible cruel things to her, calling her stupid. So, I said, okay, when I come to see you, I want to see those messages. She then said, well, I just erased them. Sooooooo, the truth? My sister did NOT say those things. This is just Mom looking for attention again, and turning to facebook to get that sympathy by lying about her children. Can she really "not help it?" Because this is just CLEARLY bold faced lying. I've told my sister from now on, we just have to completely ignore her facebook posts. Let her pity play all she wants. What do we care what the people on her friends list thinks? But, What part of dementia makes them Bold faced lie and say mean things about their family, that they know takes care of them, and is not cruel. Sorry, no. This is not confabulation. This is lying. And intentionally hurtful lying at that. So, what part of dementia is this and what kind of dementia is this, because this is so very different from what all the literature says. This is not misplacing something and accusing someone of taking it. This is not filling in gaps in memory. This is 100 percent intentional telling lies that are 100 percent meant to be hurtful. What is going on here? What kind of dementia makes them throw their children under the bus so maliciously?
Seriously, just "Unfriend" her on Facebook, so she can't see what you do, and you won't read her lies and get totally upset.
Why care about her friends (and what they think) on Facebook? If she keeps it up, then start pulling back on doing so much for Mom. You don't reward bad behavior.
If you can gain access to her FB account, you can change her privacy settings for her posts to her only so she will think she is posting to all her friends but no one except herself will see the posts. So she will think she is posting.
I have an older sister who has been conniving all of her life. She would tell horrible lies on me. When she went to the rehab, she wanted me to be POA. I was like; no way! Her two daughters went on facebook sending off handed comments through my brother's page. I blocked all of them. I didn't defriend my brother. So, I guess they can see me through his page. They've always had this dynamic.
Block her and don't defend yourself against her accusations to people. It's not worth getting yourself upset over her nonsense.
I've heard of family members taking telephones away from these senior brats because they can cause such a ruckus.
I see her dementia as not just losing how, but also why. If she has a goal (getting attention, getting me to comply) there is no limit to the depths she will sink to in order in order to get way. No societal filter. No remorse. She has used threats of lying to the police to have one of my children arrested if I didn’t do her bidding. And couldn’t see (or didn’t care) why my husband and I were outraged. In her mind, it was simply another weapon in her arsenal.
Any kind of dementia makes them do it.
They have broken brains.
Now if you are telling me they were ALWAYS cruel and awful, then I would wonder why you are still standing witness to their chaos.
Because honestly, momma, Dementia is the REAL DEAL with get-out-of-jail-free-card. And that card is bought at an AWFUL price.
But… my mother’s last Mother’s Day, I couldn’t go up to see her. I sent her flowers. I sent her chocolates and a card. I called her and we had a wonderful conversation. She was pleased with the gifts. It was all good.
A few hours later she called another relative, sobbing, saying I had come to her place (assisted living apartment), and screamed and swore at her. I hadn’t even been there!
Which was real to her? Was she lying? Or did she really believe what she said?
My mother was always this way her whole life. I had the same question for my doctor. I could not understand how my mother with her broken brain was still able to lie on purpose ( Mom admitted lying on purpose on many occasions ) , manipulate , scheme , plan etc .
The doctor told me that Mom had no filter anymore to control these impulses . . Her brain just automatically did these things . This is how her brain was always wired This was her default behavior .
Doctor also said that dementia was causing her narcissism to be on steroids .
Or like throwing gasoline on a fire .
Until your Mom’s dementia gets much worse , she will still be able to do these things.
She does not have dementia, just normal age-related issues. She has been a nasty, narcissist all her life, she is just worse now.
I no longer have anything to do with her, nor does anyone else in the family except my brother, who had to step in when I went MIA. I do support him behind the scenes as he is getting the brunt of her meanness.
Fortunately, she does not know how to use a computer or cell phone, if she did we would have to take it away from her.
She is in AL, 99 years old, they say "Only the good die young" might be true in her instance.
Might be time to back away from her she will not change.
Sending support your way.
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