My 89 year old mom moved in with me, my husband, and 16 year old son, and seems to be getting worse. She can barely walk anymore, and she has a past tendency of falling. She does have a walker and cane, but won't use them. I try and keep a close eye on her, but sometimes I am very busy. Her hands shake quite a bit also. She always telling me everyday that something hurts, which I'm sure it's true at her age. But lately it seems to be getting worse. I am scared, because if she were to fall, I am not strong enough to pick her up, and also, if she gets where she can't use the bathroom, or wash herself anymore, I don't feel right doing it for her. But it would also be too hard for me to try and move her around to do it. I just had hip surgery and have a mild case of COPD. I am home with her most of the time, while my husband works and son is at school. No other siblings help me. Is there a home care agency that could come and bath her and clean her up, when she gets unable to do it herself? I did buy her a potty chair, but there is carpet in her room and she has a tendency to spill things a lot. So I'm sure that would get spilled if she tried to use it or empty it. (which I would do). I did buy a plastic mat to put under it. I also have another question, but will post it in another comment. Thank you all.
Sorry to hear about your Mom. In-home care has helped many caregivers on this site. I'm sure there will be input from others here who will encourage you to seek out information on all levels of care as Mom's care needs increase.
As a free service, AgingCare can put you in touch with the home care agencies in your area. Use the FIND CARE link on the top right to check availability in your area by zip code, or you can use the link below to complete a form and one of the advisors in our office will give you a call to discuss your needs. We hear their calls every day and I can assure you that what you are dealing with is common. Our advisors can offer you some support.
https://www.agingcare.com/local/in-home-care
Since, she is already demonstrating a decline, such as the shaking, pain, spilling things, etc. I'd discuss her symptoms with her doctor to see what's going on. She may have some kind of infection, UTI, vitamin deficiency, etc. After getting that done, I'd have her evaluated to see what level of care she needs. I wouldn't wait until there is an emergency to do this. I'd do it, while you and she have time to figure out the options and make some decisions. Is she able to visit some facilities?
I have read that if she falls, call 911 to come and help get her up. Is your house equipped with safety features, like grab bars in bathroom for her safety? Are doors wheelchair accessible?
She might need someone to supervise her more, if she's a fall risk and refuses to use walker. That's difficult to do, regardless, of where she is.
You could check on getting outside help to come into the home, like a bath aid, but, if she needs help with toileting, that's more challenging, as the aid would need to be there around the clock to accommodate those needs.
Yes, you can hire a bath aide from a home healthcare agency. Or, you can call your mom's doctor and they can arrange for a bath aide.
You provide the towels and soaps and such, lay out clean clothes, and the bath aide comes and within an hour your mom will be bathed and feeling good. The bath aide I had for my dad would even trim his beard.
And a plastic mat is all you need to put under the bedside commode. Switch it out as it becomes soiled.