MIL with vascular dementia has recently become very hostile, aggressive and dangerous. Within the last 2 months, she has started many, many fights with us, insulted us to no end, threatened to call police, the health department, a psychiatrist (lol) and many others on us. She’s accused husband and I of stealing from her, and told husband that I “embarrass her” and I “show my ***” in front of other, I steal from her, I don’t take care of her, I’m a bad mother, etc. She’s told me she hopes a social worker takes my baby from me. Recently, she took off in her car even though we hid her keys. She has thrown pots off the porch, almost hitting us in the head. She’s thrown items at me, kicked a coffee mug down the stairs full of scaling hot water, and when we left, she lit her clothes on fire in the yard. Is this …. Normal … for dementia? We did find a facility so we’re waiting to hear from them about when we can bring her in. But this behavior is highly, highly disturbing. We’re not sure what to do or think.
Seriously, if you are still dealing with this you must go into harm management mode - how the hell can she have access to matches??
Remove (don't hide) all temptation by starting with an empty space.
Any essential fittings need to be bolted down and sturdy.
Plastic cups and cutlery.
Soft furnishings wherever possible.
Take charge as the clear thinking adults and don't be sucked in with vitriol - the only power she has over you is getting inside your head!
You posted on July 1 with pretty much the same problem. Yes this in normal but...you should not allow it to go on. She needs Meds. She needs to be placed where she can be cared for by people who can handle her outbursts. What if she had set her clothes on fire in your home. This woman needs to be placed under a Psychic watch. She is a danger to you and your family.
Just skimmed thru your last post. This woman has escalated in the last month. Burning her clothes in your backyard should show you husband that now its time for Mom to go to a NH. Ifvshe has no money, he can apply for medicaid. I so hope you do not leave this woman alone. She is dangerous to you and your family. The fire should have been when you called 911 and had her removed and the Baker Act implemented. This is when they do a 72 hr Psyhic eval. Tell them that she cannot return to your home even if meds are introduced. You fear for ur life and the lives of your family.
1. Disable the car. That means pulling spark plug wires or disconnecting the battery if she wouldn't know how to recognize a disconnected battery.
2. Call 911 - today. You have a child to protect.
Much of dementia caregiving comes from recognizing a problem long after it becomes a problem. You have people here giving you the gift of a crystal ball to see the future. Listen to them, and act upon their advice.
Don't assume anything as this disease can progress very quickly, others have suggested calling 911, I agree, the next time please do it.
Protect yourself & your family.
If hiding keys doesn’t work, find a place to hide the car.
Stop “being disturbed”. Her actions, if not her words, say “I need help”. You’re working to provide help, by placing her, so you are doing your job.
Forget everything she SAYS, and make the environment safe for her AND FOR YOU.
A deteriorating brain means ANTICIPATE ANYTHING. Her filter is in the process of failing.
Continue with your planning for her. You’re on the right track.
Call 911 today. And I rarely say this, but if you have to fib about physical assault happening today, then do it, whatever you have to to get this dangerous person out of your house with a baby in it.
It's not like she's happy like this, she's out of her mind with psychotic misery. Help her and save yourself at the same time.
All abnormal behavior is 'normal' when advanced dementia is at play, but this is over the top with what your MIL is doing. She needs medical intervention right away to see what other organic issues are contributing to her behavior, if any. She needs medication and placement also, as soon as humanly possible. But her erratic behavior has to be stabilized before she's placed, or she'll be asked to leave the Memory Care ALF she's placed at. All the residents have to be safe in the facility or the resident causing the ruckus will be asked to leave, or to be properly medicated before returning back there. That's why you need to remedy this situation before you place her. And before something dreadful happens in your home; your safety is very important also. And MILs state of mind should not be so agitated either, not with modern medicine available to her.
Wishing you the best of luck with a very serious situation.