We're hoping to see her strong enough to return home. I visit early, when therapies, Drs may be around. I inform sisters sometimes by my phone in room. Last night, my sister was told by evening nurse that I wasn't happy with the care of Mom. I've never alluded to this as I am pleased with progress, care. I have had to explain to sister on phone things she isn't understanding when she's slightly upset. I also have questioned a palliative care nurse, also VA benefits possibly available to bring her home. Should I speak up about this misunderstanding that I'm not happy with care? If so, with whom? I do not want hard feelings or miscommunication to family, only good, informed care for Mom.
I did request a 2nd care meeting this week requiring 3 of 4 of us (1out of state) to be there. I think my sister comprehends the situation a bit more now.
I,too, have relaxed into the care they are giving Mom. Most seem to adore her, but i do understand when the ones toileting her get frustrated. It's hard to get the 2nd in quickly to help. All in all,I am pleased with the facility.
James 1:19
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath:”
If Mom is a new resident, its a little early to ask if she can come home.
She probably has not been fully evaluated yet. Ask when your first care meeting will be. It should be within the week. If you have questions, direct them to the RN at the nurses desk. (Will the VA cover something is a question for another department) They should be willing to give you an update on Mom everyday. You could come in and ask "How is Mom today" They should tell you she had a good night, etc. If you see any kind of decline, ask. If you don't get anywhere with the RN ask to speak to the doctor seeing her.
I said that I doubt the nurses pass on that your not happy with Moms care because they don't pass on my husbands deaf without his hearing aid. I told them when he was admitted and when I visited. And each shift change or new doctor, I had to tell them again. I even asked that a big note be put in his chart so it was immediately seen. So frustrating for my DH when they wouldn't even look at him when they talked. I had one nurse come in jabbering away. He heard none of what she was saying. I had this with my Dementia Mom. Two nurses, I think students, were explaining to her what was going to happen. Going on and on. I told them she had Dementia and hadn't understood a thing they just said. You could tell by the look on Moms face. They lost her on the first word.
You have to be an advocate for Mom. You have to ask questions. Even if you feel they maybe stupid. You could say "sorry, just wondering why you are doing that or why it was done. Do not allow them to intimidate you. Mom has rights.
It could be body language as I am very anxious (always).
Most staff and I converse,greet one another when not in mom's room. It could be misunderstanding because said sister and day nurse share a first,uncommon name. Therefore,mix up when I'm explaining things to sis on phone. She's not a gossip so I truly believe it's when I try to calm sis over issues that nurse overheard name (but it's not her).
I want best care for Mom with no misunderstanding.
I am glad that you have such an interest in your Mother's care. Maybe the tone of your voice or your body language is being interpreted by the nursing staff and the therapists as an attitude of being upset with them when in reality, you are not upset with them.
Do you ever THANK the nursing staff or therapists for the good job that they are doing with your Mother? Or do you only ask question after question after question? Do you just sit and watch therapy and listen to what is being said? Or do you have to be in the middle offering advice and suggestions during every part of your Mother's care? Are you a "Helicopter Daughter"?
Maybe it was the way you asked the question about palliative care and/or VA benefits in regards to the possibility of bring your Mother home. Maybe your sister isn't happy that YOU asked about palliative care and/or VA benefits. Maybe your sister isn't happy that you are thinking of taking your Mother to YOUR HOUSE. Maybe your sister is unhappy because SHE IS NOT THE ONE "running the show" or making the final decisions about your Mother's care...So many "MAYBEs" :)
Talk to the Nurse Manager and tell her what a great job the nursing staff and the therapists are doing. Ask the Nurse Manager what you can do to make your Mother's stay at the facility more comfortable and how you can help your Mother with her care and therapy. And then, casually, state that you talked with your sister last night and she had a couple of concerns. Be aware of your body language and the tone of your voice while talking with the Nurse Manager, the nursing staff and the therapists. Give lots of positive feedback and lots of compliments. Good, positive communication is very important in making sure that your loved one is receiving the best care possible.
The easiest way is probably just to ladle out compliments whenever you see the slightest opportunity.
I wouldn't indulge in Chinese whispers with your sister. Your sister may be one of the many many people who think that if you say boo to a goose inside a hospital or rehab facility the staff will think you're "complaining" and your loved one's care will suffer. I had an aunt like that, it used to drive me nuts.
Be nice, and keep speaking up! May your mother gain strength every day.