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I took her to the Dr and there is no infection. I closed the bathroom door as an solution, but she gets very upset, that she will leave for ever. No matter is you try to keep her busy, the bathroom is just an obsession. Please give me some advise what to do. It's so frustrating.

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Margaret,
Sounds like you need to place your mom in a facility for your good and hers. You are showing a lot of stress and it would be better for all of you if she wasn't with you in your home.

I'm real frustrated with my mom too. She talks incessantly and asks the same questions hundreds of times a day. Sometimes I want to scream and sometimes I do!

My mom is a narcissist and a super serious person. She couldn't smile if she wanted to. Unfortunately, she's miserable and makes everyone else that way. This type of behavior negatively affects the caregiver. A person can only take so much before they blow.

Please check your local library for a Senior Guide for housing, Assisted Living, Memory Care and other options. The booklet is behind the counter, just ask the librarian for it.

It sounds as though you're at the end of your rope. Place her in a facility soon, before you act out physically on your anger.
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My mother uses the bathroom every 5 minutes and uses a noisy walker. She has turned into a demon maniac and me and my son are terrified of her. She pees all over my house and thinks it's normal. She won't wear diapers either. She's really an evil person. Whenever we hear that walker coming down the hallway me and my son get terrible anxiety. We can't stand the sight of her.
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My mother is driving me nuts! She uses a noisy walker wherever she goes. My son says whenever he hears that noisy walker coming down the hallway he gets anxiety. I actually get a feeling of dread! She uses the washroom every 40 minutes day and night and with that clanking walker she wakes me up all nite long. Plus she won't wear diapers and she is peeing everywhere and destroying my house. I feel like ending my life. She is really a demon.
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Just want to say I feel so much better after reading all these comments. It's helpful to know I'm not alone dealing with these caregiver problems and read others solutions. I'll be disconcerting the toilet bowl chain. Thanks and hang in there!
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My mom had a stroke which left her right side paralyzed on her right side. She can not walk alone and refuse to use the walker, so I have to be with her every time she wants to go have a BM but she does not. She goes every 5 to 10 minutes, in a day it compiles...She was having UTI's all the time, the solution was take out the toilet paper and use water. We had to have a plumber install, by the toilet a little shower head for it. So, now she is no longer getting UTIs. It is not easy taking her to the bathroom every 5 minutes, and I hope she will find another obsession as some of you has said.
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My boss's wife continues to come to the office and she's constantly obsessed with the toilet and keeps clogging up the bathroom....I'm pregnant and I just don't have the patience anymore to deal with this. Does anyone recommend the first steps in bringing up she needs professional care? By the way my job is NOT taking care of her, we work at an insurance agency...so you can imagine my frustration when I have clients in and they see and deal with her too...
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If your senior is having back to back UTI's, females may have a prolapsed, or sagging, bladder that causes urine to pool rather than drain out completely. This leads to an over growth of bacteria causing the UTI. Surgery can correct this. Also, UTI's cause seniors to act out of their head, a fact that seems unknown to many medical personnel. My mother was misdiagnosed, put into a Psych Ward at Baptist Mem Hospital in Columbus, MS for it where she was assaulted by another resident and the staff tried to cover it up, minimize it when caught, and offered no apologies about it. Which brings me to this: if you do not have Power of Attorney over your senior, YOU are a sitting duck. Hospitals can, and will, do as they please with your senior. This is how she ended up in the Psych Ward.
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My mother has just started this bathroom behavior within the last 3 days. She was having loose bowel accidents and her PCP has her on Cholestyramine to firm them up. She is already on Celexa for depression and Depakote for combativeness. Not only does she refuse to wear depends, she refuses to wear underwear at night. I sometimes used to find small "presents" dropped on the carpet in the hall on her way to or from the John. For the past few days, the bathroom has become OC. Every 10 minutes. Last night between 2:30 and 3:30 she went 6 times. Used 1/2 a roll of toilet paper yesterday. Before, she was OC about downsizing, threw her jewelry away. Before that, packing and unpacking, tearing up her books, had to take sissies away as she was cutting up her clothes. All these stopped when the meds kicked it. Always thinks it's Sunday and someone is coming to take her to church or lunch. I have been hit, kicked, told to go to hell and accused of trying to poison her. She is so much better on the meds that the bathroom thing seems small except that we are on septic and I don't want an overflow! Are there meds for OCD? Or are the anti depressants the same as anti anxiety?
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I truly feel for you. It has got to be one of the most frustrating experiences. Constipation can cause the same cycle. I would hospitalize her until they figure it out, whether it's anti anxiety meds who knows. No one can imagine the disruption this causes until they have experienced it
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Mums 83 no dementia diagnosed. As soon as I arrive at the resthome to visit I'm greeted by I have to go to the toilet. Then as soon as she is back in her chair she asks to go again 456 times. She has to be taken there and back etc. Its driving the carers and us to distraction. Gynaecologist and Urologiest have cleared her.
Pysch specialist in a weeks time.
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Are there any devices that I can use that will prevent objects being flushed down the toliet? Other than a child proof lid.
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I take care of my dad who has Alzheimer's and he REFUSES to go to the bathroom. He wears adult diapers and he'll relieve himself in those but every time we try to direct or encourage him to go in the bathroom he starts to fight us and yell at us He'll even start hitting us! We just don't know why he doesn't like the bathroom. And when we try to change him he does the same, he just hates it! This happens several times a day, It's just so frustrating!
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Wow! This is my life, and as I scrolled through your answers, I was surprised to not find a previous post from me because I was so sure I had responded last year. Maybe I'm losing my own mind due to the stress and burnout. Anyway, we found out it was definitely OCD behavior. The primary care physician picked up on that. Mom can sit for hours without having to go--whether to watch a TV program she finds entertaining, or to sit around the dining room table with us talking, or attending religious services, etc. It's when she's bored, depressed, or anxious that she is trotting to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes. It would decrease at night to maybe 2-3 hours, and even proactive toileting did not help. I started by setting my alarm to go off every 2 hours to take her whether she needed it or not, and that just made both of us cranky. (I might add that she never actually DOES end up wetting herself, she just either forgets that she already went or she's afraid she WILL wet herself.) Anyway, after a year of this madness, I finally told the doctor, who prescribed Seroquel at bedtime. We started with the smallest dosage (25 mg) but that zonked her, so now we cut the tablet in half and that does the trick overnight. (It's very rare, but sometimes she will still get up around 3--but then again, don't we all do that upon occasion.) It took me a long time (almost falling asleep at the wheel due to lack of sleep) to accept medicating her, and then only at night. But I'm glad I did it and recommend anyone here who is dead tired from this to ask their doctor about it. Usually, it's counterindicated for the elderly or for dementia patients, but in Mom's case it has worked and the neurologist agrees with the primary care doctor that it should be continued--the only potential risk is tremor, so probably not a good choice for a Parkinson's patient. I have even asked the doctor if, in EXTREME circumstances--say on a Sunday at home if the behavior starts early in the morning and nothing seems to distract and redirect her from it--it would be OK to give a dose to her in the daytime, and the doctor rewrote the Rx to say "1/2 to 1 tablet as needed" or something of the sort. I have NOT YET had to do this in the daytime (just grit my teeth and bear it) but I *have* had to give her a full tablet at night on rare occasions when 1/2 did not seem to have any effect whatsoever and she was popping up every 20 minutes after first retiring. She is groggy the next day, but I don't see any other alternative when the behavior is out of control. So, talk it over with the dr. Perhaps in your case, a different medication is in order. But some type of medication is definitely needed at this point if a physical exam has ruled out a physical problem with the urinary tract. Good luck! P.S. Constipation can put pressure on the bladder, so if your loved one is often constipated, that can cause frequent trips to the bathroom too.
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My 92 year old mother goes constantly - recurring UTIs

Despite wearing depends - she would still dribble on the rug and her slippers during the night getting to the loo - she won't go in a diaper even when hospitalized - says she's not a baby

The worst was when she would try to wash out the depends and it disintegrated in the sink - time and a half to call a plumber on Sunday - finally got her to toss the dirty ones in the bath tub and I'd throw them away in the morning

If I get exacerbated when she has to go again after just taking her - she replies, "you'll be old some day." LOL.
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reeda0819, how stressful for all of you caregivers! And what a boring and unpleasant obsession for her to have!

My husband thought he needed to pee repeatedly all night long. His doctor guessed that maybe enlarged prostate glands were exerting pressure when he reclined. We tried saw palmetto and after a few weeks it did indeed solve the problem. Obviously this isn't a solution for a little ol' lady, but the point is if there is a physical cause then a physical solution will help. Has the family discussed this with her medical team?

My mother will sometimes say she needs to go minutes after she has just been helped to and from the toilet by two aides with a lift machine. In her case I think she vaguely remembers needing to go but doesn't remember that she has. Distraction almost always works for that.

I agree that your client might benefit from something for her anxiety. Is there a prescription you could give prn?
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My experience is with a 93-year-old lady whom I care for in her home. She has 24/7 care by eight different women. We all experience this potty issue with her. She will get on what I call the toilet tango and does it for hours. Sometimes she wont even leave the bathroom before she announces she has to go again. Sometimes she cries and says she is sorry for doing this, sometimes she yells about it. She is extremely anxious about everything and I feel she would benefit from an anxiolytic but I dont want to sedate her, I just want her to feel good and less anxious. I can redirect her at times by taking her out. Any ideas are appreciated. Urinalysis tests are almost always negative.
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Have you checked the doctor to see if she has a UTI?
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My mom goes to the BR a lot too. Gets worse at night right after she goes to bed - every 2 - 3 minutes. That doesn't bother me as much as the amount of toilet paper she uses. New double size role at 4:00 was more that 3/4 gone at 6:30.

Most days try to grin and bear it knowing there will be a day I will WISH she could still go to BR on her own. But after getting downsized and only working par-time it is hard to see that go down the drain ; ). Toilet Paper is EXPENSIVE these days.
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My mom has recently been obsessing about using the bathroom. She has been incontinent for the last two years of living with me and I would experience the opposite. If I didn't tell her to use the restroom, she would never go. Now, I believe it is a ploy to get out of her recliner. She is up and down and doesn't really know what she wants, so when she tells me she has to go, I go with her once and if she says it again, I tell her no. I tell her that if she has an accident, it will go into the Depend! Oh my!
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My mom has done this seems like years now. My water ,electric, sewer was all together and what a bill!! Not counting the toilet tissue and she would tear it in strips and hide it in her dresser. Paper towels went fast because of her washing all the time. My husband has Parkinsons and Vascular dementia so I put my mom home in a home that is wonderful
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Cothrangirl3 - I would have mom start using Poise pads. They are a life saver for anyone who has urgency anxiety. Heck, they are now marketing these to women well under 50.

And when they actually become used, it's not a hard transition into the brief style.
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My Mom will do that because she honestly cannot remember she just went and she is afraid of getting somewhere and having to go and not having facilities available. She is bordering on incontinence and when she has to go she has to go NOW. If I know for a fact she just went I remind her by simply saying "you have to go again so soon?" (This is a way of validating that she thinks she has to go, without asking her if she remembers that she just went.) then re-direct her IE: Let's finish this word search then you can go.
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ANewDay - this is going to sound weird, but something to think about.

Could it be an OCD-like fixation (or perseveration to use a fancy word)? If she's going through the motions of this process over & over & over as if she is compelled, but isn't having actual continence issues, I would talk to her doctor about an anti-anxiety medication. Something to consider anyway.

If she is having accidents, or is actually peeing-even just a tiny bit- while in the bathroom, I'd talk to her doctor about over active bladder relief. It may also be time to consider "confidence products" of some sort, which could offer relief even as a placebo. Or all of the above.

My mom's anxiety was not adequately controlled and it came out various ways that we all missed at the time. One way was potty fixation. Before being totally incontinent for real, she was absolutely paranoid about having a leak or accident, so she would wear 3 poise pads and briefs at the same time.

She also spent enormous amounts of time in the bathroom on the toilet many times a day doing ritualistic preventive peeing. If nothing came out, it would upset her, causing more anxiety. It would take her insane amounts of time to get ready to just walk down the hall to the dining room. Forget about going anywhere on time. Having that many pads in her pants made her waddle like a toddler. Now that I think about it, having to be somewhere probably jacked up her anxiety and made it worse. She started refusing liquids, which created urinary problems that weren't there before. Self-fulfilling prophecy in a way.

Get up - go potty for 20 minutes. Take a shower - go potty for half an hour. Dry off - go potty for 20 minutes. Brush teeth - go potty. Get partly dressed - go potty. Etc.
If we happened to be out & about, I started to expect that we'd spend more time in the public bathroom than doing our errand. I started refusing to stand in the stall with her. (What am I - 4 years old? Gross.) Then I started refusing to stand in the bathroom with her. Gag.

All that time, it never clicked with me that this was a manifestation of OCD.
She was also manic about buying pads & briefs every time we left the house. I had more products than the entire Depends factory. It was more than anybody would use in a lifetime, but her preoccupation was with running out. When she moved into a senior apartment, she could order them and they'd be delivered into her apartment, so the supply quadrupled in a short time.

Once we got her anxiety and paranoia under better control due to a different crisis, this fixation went away and I never heard her talk about it again.

Later on, she actually did become totally incontinent, but was in skilled nursing where the disposable products are provided by the facility.

I left probably 4 contractor-sized trash bags full of continence supplies in the apartment laundry room with a "free for you" sign on them.
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My mom is absolutely obsessed with the bathroom. She has literally, (and I counted) went 6 times in less than one hour. There's no infection says her doctor. I don't know what to do. We go through 9 rolls of toilet paper, for her use only, (we have a totally different pack for everyone else) in 5 days. I've fixed it so that she can't flush as my water bill is over 50$ a month. It used to be 9$..not to mention this house is on septic and not sewage and we had sewage in the bathtub from what the plumber said was way too much water usage. I don't know what to do. When I try and talk to her about it she gets upset but doesn't remember anyways. So I can feel your pain. Lol
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SMCBETH1 -

Time to get non-strippable pajamas for your husband. Google them.
They are made with all fastenings in the back, so the caregiver can undo it, but not the person wearing them. It looks kind of like a one piece footy-pajama, but the zipper is in the back.

Also talk to his doctor about sleep disturbance and walking around at night. This sounds like more than a mobility problem. At this point, it may just be to the bathroom, but what if it turns into going outside? Need to make a plan for that and be prepared.

Have him checked for a UTI or prostate problem as well. That can affect male continence in a big way.
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I referred to this in my last answer. But, my husband is diapered every night before bed. He still gets up to use the bathroom all night. He takes the diapers off and tosses them on the floor, proceeds to urinate all over the floor, the bedroom floor and the bed. He says he's not doing it on purpose and I believe him, but mopping this up everyday, changing the bed everyday, washing the sheets everyday, is not making me happy. :) Has anyone else had this problem? Any suggestions. I sleep in another room. Thank God, we have hardwood floors.
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My DH wears diapers and goes to the bathroom every hour. He has such severe mobility issues that by the time he gets there, he's already gone. During the night, he is double diapered, but still gets up to go, TAKES THE DIAPERS OFF, urinates all over the floor in the bedroom and bathroom, wets the bed. He says he's not doing it on purpose and I believe him, but mopping this up everyday, changing the bed everyday, washing the sheets everyday, is not making me happy. :)
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It's not going to help believe I've tried a lot.puting a pee catcher in,having her write it down keeping track myself,turning the water off,i even got her to wear depends.it don't help once they have it in their mind you or nooneis changing it .and I've been told I'm calling her a lire that I'm mean,and had things threw at me just take a few steps back and ignore it and her .tring to change focus on some other thing helps for a while
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how do you stop her from using do much toilet paper?
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I take mom to the restroom when we go out and I observed some odd behaviors, too! Like she used the hand dryer machine before she washed her hands. Another time, she meticulously washed her hands, but forgot to use the toilet and got huffy when I reminded her to remember to go.
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