I've had about enough of my situation. It's been pretty stagnant lately, as my sisters and I care for my grandma when we come home from college/ work, and my mom is supposed to wash/ change her diaper and feed her before going to work at noon. I've now realized that most of the days my little sister is caring for her morning routine and my aunt (who is in cancer remission) is feeding her in the morning. Sometimes my mom does it.
I got really angry a few days ago when I got home at 7 PM and found that my grandmother had been in her dirty diaper since 11 PM the last night. My mom was supposed to change her but said she had to rush to work although she woke up at 10 am and works at 2 pm.
I was livid and confronted her. If she can do her hair and makeup, why couldn't she at least change the diaper??? She expects her elderly cance patient sister to do it? This is not the first time I've come home to a soiled grandma. It happens at least once every two months or more. I'm a nursing student and therefore a mandated reporter and I reminded her of this and all hell broke loose. She's making this all about her and calling me ungrateful and brought up a lot of other family issues. All I want is for my grandma to be cared for correctly. She even gets paid to care for her but she is not doing it, we are. I am fine with helping, but I am not fine with what happened.
This is definitely making my whole family miserable. So what can I do? My mom will not let up with the guilt trips and making me feel like I am wrong and she is always right. I've always bent to her will but this time I am really torn. I feel morally obligated to do something. If she can't care for my grandma then she needs to be in a home.
There are a lot of people involved in Grandma's care - family plus paid care. Maybe you need the paid care there more often, or else Grandma needs a nursing home and you can all visit often. You aren't likely to change your mom, but a third party may - just may - help. She's using family dynamics to bully you. If you get a friend or clergy person to talk to your mom, if may help. But in this case, it sounds as though your family has more serious issues. Care for Grandma is a priority - you're a good nursing student and granddaughter.
Good luck,
Carol
Sounds like grandma needs round the clock care or someone available for 24/7 monitoring. What can grandma do for herself? If the answer is she can do very little and is dependent on others, then unless you are willing to be the one 24/7, you should start to look into long term care facilities for her. Meet with gran's
physician to go over what her health status is and what facilities might be best suited for her needs.
Not everyone is cut out to be a caregiver. Your mom may just be over doing that aspect of her life.
Obviously you are one of the special people who can be a caregiver. I also think you will be a great nurse. Hope you go into geriatrics.
Good Luck to you and your family.
Bottom line is that your Mom isn't living up to her responsibilities and the expectations of others -- especially yours.
Don't allow her to flip the script on you, but do it respectfully. After all, she's your mother. Stand your ground and speak out for someone who's practically helpless and unable to fend for herself.
There's no denying caregiving is a battlefield that often pits family members against each other over what the best course of action should be. I would, however, have a private heart-to-heart with your Mom. Don't, under any circumstances, argue with her (or anyone else) in your grandmother's presence. She'll blame herself for all the bickering that threatens to tear the family apart.
Good luck my friend, and keep us posted.
-- ED
Large label: Change at 11:45 a.m. 2:00 p.m. 6:00 p.m. 10:00 p.m. (0vernight diaper).
New day: Change at 7:00 a.m. Give liquid at this change.
My grandma defintely is a full care patient and will once in a while feed herself. Other than that everything is scheduled. It feels like I have to choose between having my grandma cared for improperly or enrage my mom by sending grandma and her money to a care home (and probably get kicked out of the house).
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