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I am very upset. is in a place called Trump Pavilion in Jamaica, Queens. The stroke was severe and I heard from my brother, an attorney who has power of attorney and proxy status that she has had very little improvement over the course of her therapy. She can't move her leg, let alone walk or stand, and her arm is totally paralyzed. I am going crazy not seeing her or speaking with her.

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Please note this post is from 2014, should be closed for posts.
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It is so nice that you want to visit her. Perhaps she does not want you to see her the way she is after the stroke. She is lucky to have a child like you that cares. Mine would not even pay any attention to me. I am just a bother to them.
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I am so sorry to read these latest posts. Scott pulled at my heartstrings. I hope he finds -- has found -- the help he needs and has had good healing meetings with his Mom. I know happy endings are rare. But this troubled young man deserves one.
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I am thinking your mom has so much to do to get well, an you need to take care of yourself, that would make your mom so happy to know you are alright! Send letters & cards of love an not of issues, as she has more than she can handle, for now. l do know your mom will be happy to know your life if good, without details. God Bless, an take care of you.
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Your brother is the attorney? I do not believe he can prevent you from seeing mom, ask an attorney. Why would he stop you?
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His brother certainly has the knowledge and resources to help Scott. I'm not so sure that Scott's mental issues were under control while he was living with his mom, but it's all speculation at this point.
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Indeed. But presumably had had managed schizophrenia until his mother was taken catastrophically ill. Every parent's terror, isn't it, what happens to dependent children once they can't take care of them. Terribly sad. I hope the brother was eventually able to get things under control.
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Dragon; Scott has not been back in three years. I believe that he may have had untreated schizophrenia.
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There is always another side to the story - and I suspect that something else may be "at play" here. You don't say what your own health situation is, but it's very "odd" if you were dependent on your mother's Social Security check for living expenses- and also unfair to your mother. That SS check is her money, not yours. If you have physical or mental health problems that make it impossible for you to hold employment, you can qualify for Social Security Disability and Medicare.

As others have said, perhaps your mother is "embarrassed" by her disability. It also sounds like have been "estranged" from your brother for some time now. All you can do is to send the occasional card and flowers. She may yet "come around" to you emotionally.
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The original poster has not been back in three years. I think we can put this thread to rest.
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go visit anyway, for your own sanity. speak your peace while you are with her so it doesn`t haunt you forever after she`s gone
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This if for the forum members, like me, who became emotionally invested in this long, tragic thread. I haven't been able to forget the three suffering people we learned about --- the poster, his mother and his brother. For us, the story ended a few days before the poster, obviously mentally ill, was going to be evicted from the apartment he had shared with his mother. That was, what? two or three years ago. I have been imagining him homeless, sleeping in doorways. The poster gave us a lot of clues about his family, and finally I googled his brother. The brother has a fascinating curriculum, beginning with work with the mentally ill and continuing on to legal work to improve mental health services, law, etc. I pity what the brother must have gone through on behalf of the poster and their mother, but based on his background, I feel sure he found a solution to make sure the poster had a roof and food. I feel better. I hope the brother has some peace now. I hope the mother is better. I hope the poster is in a safe place.
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Now is she allowing other siblings to see her ?
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Scott has not been back for 3 years. There's nothing we can say to help him.
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If you want to go see her, go. What's she going to do, issue a restraining order with the police??
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It's hard for a parent to have a child see them in a bad way .Your mom loves you and she doesn't want you to feel sad to see her so helpless ..BUT I WOULD GO SEE HER ANYWAY! through hell and high-water nothing would stop me absolutely nothing .
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Don't go for a while.
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Scott,
When my Dad was dying of cancer (self inflicted from chain smoking) I knew there was not much time left. I told him I wanted to see him and he was adament about me NOT seeing him. I pressed him and was crying and he finally explained because of how terrible he looked, he did not want my last visual memory of him to be that. I eventually gave up. My brothers went to see him in the hospital and they confirmed they did not even recognize him. I would have gone to see him regardless of what he looked like but I had to honor his wishes, as difficult as that was for me to come to terms with.
I have no idea what the reason is in your Mom's heart and mind why she has made this request. I know how painful it is for you and I am so sorry you are going through it. Try (if you can) not to take it personally, you alone know you are a good son and there is no legitimate reason she has to make that request.
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You have rights as a caregiver child living in the home & gave up your life for a parent
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Maybe your mother doesn't want you to see her post stroke because physically she is not the same. Visit her anyway, and say something like, 'I just had to visit you '.
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Just honor her wishes and don't bother her no more
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This was very thoroughly discussed two years ago.
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You definitely need some professional advice on what to do. She may realize what is wrong and is ashamed for you to see her. Try going anyway and bring pretty flowers and some kind of a treat. Assure her you love her and hopefully she won't chase you away. But you need professional input how to handle this situation. My thoughts are with you.
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Hello, Scott. You usually give us an update on Thursdays, so I hoped to hear from you today. Please let us know how you're doing. Carol.
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Scott, it's good to hear from you. Sorry that you still have no contact with your mom; in your shoes, I would be sending her chatty letters or cards each week, letting her know what you're up to. Keep plugging away on all fronts; glad you are working.
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You're welcome, Scott. And good for you, keeping your appointments at the clinic. Oh, yes, that's so important. What about supportive housing? Have you seen any progress on that front? Carol
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Good for you, Scott. Working overtime and keeping a clinic appointment are positive steps. You are doing things that help your life.
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Sorry I haven't updated to much I've been busy, just working, trying to get in any overtime that I can do. I am really sad about not being able to see my mother, and I think my brother is a big part of why I can't do that. She's my mother too, doesn't he know that. She is still completely paralyzed on her left side. The social worker I call tells me she is doing well, but it's hard to know what she means by doing well. Better than she did when she first went in there, yes.

I have to go to my appointment at the clinic now. I am going to be late, so maybe I will continue this later.

Thanks for replying, Carol.
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Dear Scott, Have you been staying away from the forum because you feel as if we're putting too much pressure on you? Many of us probably have kids your age and we may be treating you the way we treat them. It's hard not to urge you to do certain things for your own benefit, since from our distance it seems so clear what you should do, and what you shouldn't. Anyway...I see some glimmers of hope, even if you don't. You have saved some money, so you can rent a place when you find one. You have a job, and you've stuck to it quite awhile, even if it's pretty horrible; you can feel proud of yourself for that. Your mother is being taken care of, so, as Countrymouse says, you don't need to worry about her well being, even if you miss her. You have told us some of your secrets, which must have relieved you, and shows that you're gaining self-knowledge every day. Having told us so much, it might be easier for you to engage in therapy now, if you had a proper counselor. And you're an educated man, even if you did mess up on the degrees. That should be a satisfaction to you. Please let us know how you're doing. Carol.
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What was your first major, as an undergraduate? I'm just interested, no need to answer if you don't feel like it.

Finding somewhere to live comes first. Everything else falls into place from that. So do that first. Your mother is safe and well looked after, and that's all that matters - you don't need to do anything about it. Come on Scott, look for a new place. Pick five advertisements and write down the contact details, take it further when you're ready.
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