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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Has the live-in aide been through this before and know what to do regarding patients with Alzheimer's/dementia? Does your Mom say why she is afraid? Some elders just don't like strangers in the house, they have an unwarranted fear that the stranger will harm them.
I know you are hoping this works out, and maybe in time it will. Could you tell your Mom that the Aide is a good friend of yours and you are renting a room to her and in exchange the *friend* is going to help [don't know if your Mom would understand that depending on what stage of memory loss she has].
hopefully your Mom was introduced to the aide and spent time with her before the overnight stays. That could be a salutation having her come visit even during the day for an hour or so until Mom is comfortable with her. I like freqflyer's idea of fudging a bit as to why this person is now spending the night. Good luck! I know it must be very upsetting for you both. Oh, does Mom have a med she could take an extra dose of that might calm her down.
First aid for anxiety would be diphenhydramine aka Benadryl. Then you call the MD first thing in the morning and get her some Rx anxiety meds. If she continues to scream she needs more than you can give at home.
Thank you all. Yes, she did meet the aid a few times & seemed to like her. I am staying for the first few days. I live out of state & must return to work on Monday. We gave her 1/2 Xanax last night, she calmed down but was up most of the night. Things seem a bit better tonight.
My mom spent the first 2 weeks wondering who these new people in her house were and what they were doing here. It took about that long for her to figure out that they were here to help her, even though we kept reminding her who they were and why they were here. It's been several months, and now they're full-time, which was yet another big hurdle to get past : "Why aren't they going home ?" We're still working on that one, and even though one of the caregivers has the same first name as mom, she can never remember either of their names and just calls them "the girl". At least she got the gender right.
Thezookeeper, you made be laugh when it is hard to do some days. At least she got the gender right... My mom doesn't remember their names either, but the aids have all been women, so she too has gotten the gender correct. Hang in there!
Sorry to hear this. I went through this stage with my Mom, even in her own home, she wanted to go home, Its their confusion and looking for comfort in their mind. My Mom got so bad the doctor prescribed depakote sprinkles for her. Mom was sleepy for a month (which was a relief actually), and then great. I gave half of what they recommended, hated to use drugs. To my surprise Mom has happier ON medication, then off of it. They dont want to be aggitated and confused either. I would ask her doctor, and not for a antipsychotic med! Is she on aricept or anything, those can aggitate them in the wrong way too. Xanax is good but youre asking for a fall when they are unsteady on their feet so be careful. I would try old music, christmas songs, or calm talking and redirecingt them with short sentences but sometimes when they are like that no matter what you can not reason with them! Very sad and upsetting for all, good luck.
My friend's 21 year old daughter decided to do in home health care over night while taking a break from her studies to become a nurse. The experience with her 1st patient sounds very much like yours. It was really stressing the kid out, for the 1st 2 weeks. Then she decided to try reading to her patient, sitting by her in a chair as patient was in bed. It really calmed her down. She alternated that with some very soft big band era music as she sat with her over night. When it became time for her to go back to her studies full time the patient and patient's daughter were calling the agency for 2 weeks, begging them to send HER back. :-) Friend's daughter felt the same way, missed her patient very much, spoke of her often, worried about her. Maybe it just takes a while for the new situation to seem "normal"? I had to laugh as a 3rd party seeing the care giver side of it, at 1st it was "how's the new job going?", ..."just awful". Then it was "how is school going?", ..."Fine, but I miss my patient!".
I did not read all of the comments above so I apologize if this has already been said. It may be helpful for you to stay with both of them for a few nights as well as administering some anti-anxiety meds. Just stay until Mom gets used to the idea and discovers that the aid really is o.k. Best wishes!
I would stay away from Benadryl, our doctor said it itsnot good for the elderly. We had someone for 2 days a week for a month and my mom didn't really sleep this eights. Fortunately between myself, sister and cousin it worked out. If you have the same caregiver every night it may just take a little time. I used a noise machine and soft music, no words which really calmedy mom down when she was anxious.
Best of luck to you and your mom... I had my mom home with me for 3 months ( in her home). I moved in with her and she repeatedly wanted to go home . When I would ask her where she thought she was she would answer " I don't know". So sad. She had aides with her during the day and really got to love them. She would beg them not to leave when I got home from work . Your mom will get comfortable with them but it may take some time. My mother is in a long term facility now it just got too difficult to keep her home after the dementia started to worsen. For the most part she is ok. But most importantly she loves the CNA'S and nurses that care for her . When I visit her everyday for dinner she would rather them sit with her than me. At first I was upset with this reaction but I am ok with it now because these are the people that she spends her days and nights with. So what I am saying if the caregivers are compassionate loving and caring give it some time and I am hopefully for you that it will work out!!!!:)
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I know you are hoping this works out, and maybe in time it will. Could you tell your Mom that the Aide is a good friend of yours and you are renting a room to her and in exchange the *friend* is going to help [don't know if your Mom would understand that depending on what stage of memory loss she has].
Good luck! I know it must be very upsetting for you both. Oh, does Mom have a med she could take an extra dose of that might calm her down.
If she continues to scream she needs more than you can give at home.