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My sister likes to explain everything to my mother and be upfront with her about everything. Mom has gotten unreasonable with just about everything and she doesn't understand the whys, when, and where's.


My sister sleeps with my mom, and consequently isn't getting enough sleep as she gets up with her throughout the night. Her blood pressure has gone sky high (she's 80 and I'm 81). I suggested she put sleeping medicine her evening juice. Yes, it would be great if she took on her own, but she's not and it's creating a lot of problems.


Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you.

Yes, put it in anything she will eat, or drink. Anything to help yourself and your sister. Explain that moms brain is broken and that she will never understand anything. We all want our parents continue as parents its hard to become the parent but this is what has to be done. I had to tell my daddy what to do in the last three years of his life - NOT EASY!! Know that I have said a prayer for you and your sister and your mom ((hugs))!
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Reply to Ohwow323
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I crush my mom's medicine and put it in a thick chocolate milk I get from the supermarket (whole milk so it's thicker, not fat-free). She loves that chocolate milk and never notices the medicine. I have zero problem not telling her it's in there. My job is to keep her clean, comfortable, safe, and healthy and I'm doing just that. You can't reason with someone with dementia, so I don't even try. Makes life more peaceful for us both.
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Reply to Jacquelinezr
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I think the hardest part about this is that it's feels like you are betraying a trust. When I have to do this for my wife, it makes me feel sad and guilty. I guess the ends justify the means if it helps your loved one.
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Reply to GreenChile505
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While it is good and healthy and needful for you and your sister to get your sleep, remember it is equally good for your mom. Plus a rested caregiver is more able to meet the needs of their loved one. Yes, however you can get her to take it is good for you all!
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Reply to ForWhatItsWorth
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Please know that prescription medications are inconceivably bitter if they are dissolved or broken. Most manufacturers do not recommend doing this, since it affects the time-release mechanism of the medicine.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Flavia1 Feb 12, 2025
Thank for the heads up. We would of course ask hospice nurse if this is something that could be done or what other recourse is available.
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There is so much wrong here. Starting with your sister thinking everything must be explained to a person with dementia. The constant explaining and even over-explaining only makes the demented person more agitated. Your mother isn't making the decisions anymore. You and your sister are.

Have the doctor prescribe sleeping meds in liquid form and douse her evening juice every night without telling her. Maybe mix in a little anti-anxiety medication if the doctor says it's okay.

Then your sister stops sleeping in the room with her. She's not a sick child in a hospital that you stay with 24/7. No. That needs to stop for your sister's sake as much as your mother's. By never getting a night's sleep, your sister who is elderly herself is creating the perfect conditions for elder abuse.

Hire a 'Sleep Duty' or overnight aide whose job would be to take your mother to the bathroom a couple times a night. Put a hook and latch lock on the outside of her bedroom door, use diapers at night, and give her the sleeping medication. Then lock the door so she can't wander all night. Use baby monitors.

Your sister needs to get a night's sleep or something unfortunate is going to happen.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Can’t you just tell her it’s time for her vitamin? Or something she would take?
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Reply to ShirleyDot
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Flavia1 Feb 12, 2025
That's a good idea, thank you. I'll run by my sister.
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You 2 are amazing daughters to care for mom. I can relate with my mother in law not taking meds. Not just sleep meds, but ALL meds. She lives on a memory care unit and so the nurses dispense her medications. She always refuses with the exception of maybe 2 times a week. My sister in law and I have talked about this exact thing. In a facility setting for the nurses to put it in food or drink, they require special orders. I don’t see it being an issue or needing special orders to do it at home. The BEST thing to do is speak with the doctor that prescribed that medication and ask them if it’s a safe medication to dissolve in a drink or maybe use in applesauce or pudding. The doctor might also give you other ideas on how to get her to ingest it. Or if it’s a medication that isn’t good or tastes to bad to dissolve or crush in food or drink, they might be able to prescribe something different. I want to give you a warning about citrus drinks and some medications. Orange or grapefruit juice will strengthen the effect of some medications. So please be careful with the orange juice. Also ask the doctor this question, is this medication safe to administer with orange juice. Some medications like Ativan or Xanax you cannot ingest while taking it at the time. It increases the amount of the medication in the blood.

IF the medication you are speaking of is infact Ativan(lorazepam is the generic) that medication is tasteless and can even be absorbed in the mouth if need be. But probably better to crush and dissolve (shaking the solution would be best) in about a shot glass worth of water/crystal light would be the best.

I hope you find your solution. Definitely talk to the doctor because they know best. I wish you the best!
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Reply to JooFroo
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Both your mom and your sister NEED sleep and given your mom has dementia and is on home hospice there is no reasoning or explaining to her. It’s likely she simply can’t grasp the info or concept, even though it may seem she is the same person and capable of reasoning her brain is likely not able to process. We went through this with my mom and while I was always like your sister and explained things as simply as I could, respecting Moms decisions for herself by the time she was on home hospice we were crushing the important meds, sleep and psyc up and putting in her nightly ice cream. It was in her best interest, she and yes we, suffered without them. We stopped a lot of her meds and suplament’s but those that were important to her quality of life, sleep and pain being at the top of that list, we used whatever method necessary to get in her and not telling her was not sneaky or underhanded it was kind and loving. Just as doing everything possible to make sure her caregivers are well rested. Not just sleep, though that is primary importance but breaks as well. It’s really hard but really important for the primary caregiver to take time off, away from the house and to allow others to take over for a while. I was always available by phone, it helped me and her caregiver was someone Mom loved, I trusted and we all, my brother was involved too, worked really well together. We took turns being “on” at night.
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Reply to Lymie61
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Sleeps with her?
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