Although this is not an easy place to be , I need my life back and I can’t take this any more. She needs to move out. I have given her several places to look at and none have been to her likes.
In the end of February 2021, I told her I can not do this any longer and she has 30 days to move which is end of March. April is here and my mother is still in my house. I am going insane. She will not go to any of the places I have provided to her. What's the legal thing to move her out?
Advice pls,
thank you
The next time she becomes verbally abusive, call 911. File a complaint and/or have her transported to a psych hospital.
Frankly, she sounds mentally ill to me. She needs more help than one human being can provide.
YOU choose a place that is appropriate and by this I mean a Memory Care facility. Complete all the required paperwork. Most likely she will have to have a physical and some tests prior to moving in. Then move her in.
If she has not been declared incompetent she can refuse to enter a facility. So you have to have the proper diagnosis.
Do you have POA?
You might have to obtain Guardianship in order to move her if you do not have the authority to do so.
Involving a third party may add insight & get things moving.
Have you had an elder assessment done? To investigate what care needs your Mother has & where can that be best be provided. If not, book it.
Care needs may be on a scale from;
1. Independent (like the Golden Girls)
2. Partial Independence
a. needs a little help
b. needs a lot of help
3. Dependant (significant help required most ADLs)
So you can see if Independant Living, Assisted Living or even Skilled Nursing is required.
That would be my start.
It looks as if it's going to take something unconventional and perhaps initially extreme-sounding to change your situation; it's been going on for so long that it is evidently not an issue you're able to solve in the ordinary way. But also your mother is quite young, you state in your profile information that she has dementia but nothing else in your description seems to indicate that, and it can be hard to change a person's view of you when you've let her get away with her learned dependency on you for so long.
If she *does* have dementia, or is otherwise mentally unwell, it makes a big difference. Has any of this been formally investigated?
Why would she want to move? She's in your home and has you to do for her. It's been 14 years and she's fine with how it is. Nothing will happen to her if she never finds another place; she's certain you won't make her leave. She doesn't care if you're suffering.
If she has dementia, there's no "pick a place, mom". You have to pick one and get it set up. I don't know anything about getting POA or Medicaid or anything, but many on here do.
And if mom doesn't have the money for her care, then she/you needs to apply for Medicaid. You need to stand your ground, and let your mom know that what you say is what you mean. You've been more than generous to allow her to live with you as long as you have. And worse case scenario, like ZippyZee said, you may have to start legal eviction proceedings. I wish you the best.
I think much of how you proceed now depends upon her condition to really find a place and move into it. I doubt she is capable of that.