castoff Asked February 2011
Mom is currently in rehab and the social worker is threatening me. Do I give up and walk away to avoid a legal battle?
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I have no authority unless mom is declared incompetent and they won't do that because they know I won't let them abuse medicare with her any longer. They held her hostage at the hosp. for 4 wks with nothing major wrong and now the social worker is being difficult and accusitory. Any ideas?
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Don't let anyone intimidate you, not even your mom.
When you are in the hospital, your primary doctor is in charge...even before specialists, such as cardiologists. Mom's PC doc claimed she needed to talk to the specialist before discharging her. The Cardio said he had to talk with the PC doc. One day when I was there the PC told me that she signed the discharge papers but left the hospital w/o doing it. The nurse tried for 2 hours and could not reach her by her pager.
I finally had enough and called the head nurse and told her that my mother was leaving that day. She was snarky and told me that if I did that w/o the proper signatures, it would be AMA (against medical advice) and Medicare would not pay. I told her to call her Chief of Staff and have him sign for the PC (she wasn't aware that I knew he could do it.) I think she faked a call to him and he never got back to us. Finally, a kind nurse, who was fed up too, finally got ahold of the missing doc. She gave persmission over the phone to discharge Mom. What a nightmare! And you are correct: you are held hostage. Unless your primary doc gives the okay in writing you are not going anywhere. I actually had to threaten a law suit before the head nurse could come to Mom's room.
Of course, hospitals encourage this. They bilk Medicare and LOVE you if you have a good secondary ins.
I hope someone in our forum, who has worked in a hospital, will chime in and give us a better way to see that our loved ones are not detained unnecessarily. We do not need the exta stress.
I have told my Mom countless times not to say inappropriate things, even jokingly, because it can be misunderstood. Also, if parents do not like what the child is doing, for whatever reason, they may attempt to get back at them by siding with docs and others who give them attention or agree with them. They think that they are being a "diva" when in reality, their behavior may end up causing them (and their caregivers) some unpleasant problems.
I get tired of being wedged in-between taking care of my Mom 24/7 and dealing with a medical community who treats caregivers as if they are the enemy. We are not the enemy, we are advocates and if someone is keeping their eye on them they cannot get away with shoddy service.
I just spent the last three days trying to get services for my Mom in our new town. I was referred, given more phone numbers, or incorrect info. It struck me that the only people benefiting from these public programs are those working for them.
I am just disgusted with it all...so as usual, I will have to figure out things for myself.
You don't need to have her declared. Find an estate planner or other lawyer to help you get Medical power of Attorney. (If mother can still sign her name.) With this tool you can tell them all to go to hell as long as your intent is to provide quality medical care. Once in the system, 'they' will do their best to find something new and charge Medicare for it. Voice of experience. MPOA takes some time and a little $'s but it is worth it in your time and frustration when they won't do what you know is right for your mother. Until I had that documentation 'they' did what they wanted. With MPOA they do what I want. (and you don't have to go through the horrible process of having them declared.)
MedPOA, if given, is a great tool for one to direct the care of a patient if they are in Hospital for an extended stay and are not being given appropriate care resulting in a timely release. If Mom won't give it to you, you really have nothing to say.
Luckily I had it prior to her hospital stay of 3 weeks. First it was Alzheimers, then a bladder infection then it was related to her Diabetes, then it became needing a pacemaker. Surgery, even on an 84 yr old woman, even not invasive, they don't come back completely from the anesthesia so that was the culminating stroke (which she had and no one noticed because of the Seraquil) that had me overrule the doctors and get her released. It took 2 months to get a neurologist to take her off Serquil but I was able to do it with proper legal documents.
I don't know what you mean with the "taken down by her" reference. I can only assume I was responding to something in the text.
Discharge plans, you need one. Ours was 24/7 home health care. (Which was already in place. Fortunately we could afford it.)
Unless you have the papers, you are at the mercy of the Doctors & Hospitals. You should know what is best and be an advocate.
So it's a battle of wits and will. So I trust GOD to keep me safe from her abuse and all that goes with doing the right thing. I'll also be speaking to an attorney. I do not want guardianship in any way.
Mom does need rehab at this point. The reason she needs it is because she was held hostage at the hosp. for 4 wks. and bed confined. She was also babied which she greatly enjoys. They pureed her food & mixed it with milk so she wouldn't have to chew (she hasn't worn her dentures since she got them 12 yrs ago but manages VERY well on a soft diet), she's just plain lazy with dillusions of royalty.
I had asked once again for a geriatric psych eval to determine if she is competent (I know she is not from 15 yrs experience). The social worker called and told me he had had two outside docs verify her sanity but none of the nurse staff ever saw any. He said he was "Sorry to dissapoint you, but your mother is competent". I replied that I was NOT dissapointed but relieved to now that she was just wicked and not crazy. He then explained how I was "responsible" for her and if she continued to injure herself he would have to assign guardianship. WHAT? This guy is more nuts than she is.
I explained all this to Mom yesterday during my visit. Whether or not any of it sunk in I do not know, but she could have landed herself in a world of crap thinking she was manipulating myself and the medical profession. Poor dillusioned old woman thinks she's smarter than anyone else and we are all pawns in her little adventure.
I am NOT responsible for her or to her and WILL NOT allow myself to be ruined by her or the greedy doctors she thinks she is fooling. She and the doctors have backed me into a corner. The drs & NH know that if I were given any authority I would put an end to this little game of their's. I have gotten no response from the hotline as yet.
I must protect myself and not allow myself to be taken down with her. Alone and without authority I cannot put an end to any of their criminal activity. Do I have any other choice?
If not, can you be specific about:
1. what are they doing with Mom that you want them to stop doing?
2. what do you what them to do that they are NOT doing?
3. what could they do to you personally, i.e. what do you mean by "taken down with her" ?
4. what is the current "discharge plan?" - i.e. where do they expect mom to go after rehab, and at whose expense and with what care, equipment, and services?
That might help us see exactly what the real dilemmas in the situation really are, and maybe be better able to help.
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