Mom shows me her nick nacks and antiques etc and keeps bringing things to show me and has me complete tasks she can't do, so I constantly go from hanging plates to checking ebay for prices to ironing her clothes then I need to wash the dishes, floor, do the yard etc. how to I stop getting backed up till the early morning when she goes to bed?
I just checked your profile ans saw that she has Alzheimer's. You can't fix a broken brain and it is unrealistic to expect her to change her behaviour, it has to be up to you to manage it. I hope you have the authority to discuss things with her doctors and that she has someone who is understanding of the problems that can arise from anxiety and sleep disturbances, which effect both the patient and the caregiver. She needs to sleep at night so that you can too, the rest will seem so much less hard when you are not sleep deprived.
And "boundaries" is the magic word. It's the word that will bring you some peace and some rest. Regardless of the circumstances when we're caring for our elderly parents we must establish boundaries.
So say "no" to your mom. It might ruffle her feathers at first but just keep working on your boundaries.
I guess an alternative would have been to hire an aid for a night shift and for me to move into a separate room. That really didn't appeal to me, but it might work better with a parent.
I think with dementia "tough love" and "setting boundaries" really don't apply. But you can't have the life sucked out of you each day until 3 am!
I'm assuming that you are up because your mother is up. Or are you up until the wee hours because that is the only time you can get your household chores done without her constant interruptions? If that is the case, there might be different approaches to the solution.
1) Have Mom out of the house for several hours a few days a week, so you can have uninterrupted time to manage the household. Look into the Adult Day Health Programs available in your area.
2) Hang a white board for a to-do list. When Mom wants a task done and you are in the middle of something else, write her request on the board. When you later get to her task, ask her to cross it off. This at least reassures her that her things are important and that you will get to them.
3) Lower your housekeeping standards a bit. Not to the point it dismays you, but perhaps you could tolerate a few dust bunnies now and then. And ironing her clothes? -- sounds like she's due for an updated no-iron wardrobe.
4) Hire someone to do many of the household tasks. Giving Mom attention is something that you do best, but nearly anyone can clean floors.
It sounds like your mom is fairly alert and interested in things. That is good! If she sat and stared out the window all day you could get more done, but you'd probably feel more sad about her limitations. Admire her little lamb figurine. Ask her where she got it, how long she's had it, or ask if there were lambs on her farm. Looking at her treasures over and over is very boring, but at least sometimes turn it into an opportunity to interact with her.
My mom is now in stage 7, the final stage. One thing I can tell you is, "this too shall pass"!
I'd try to come to terms that it's not disrespectful or rude. It's necessary and required. You know what activities, requests, work, you can do and how much time you have to devote. When, that is done, say, it's time to stop and then stop. Be firm, kind and pragmatic. She will adjust and accept it. This is for the benefit of you both. Your mom may go on too late. She may need to be directed to her bed at a reasonable hour. Eventually, all of their daily activities must be supervised and/or directed.
If she lives alone, make your visits there less frequent. Tell her that she has to hire someone to do the lawn, someone to clean her house & iron her clothes a couple times a month. If she lives with you, some changes must be made.
What time does your mother get up in the morning? Maybe she needs a 6am wake up call, with a pull out of bed & push into the shower. No naps during the day either.
There is no reason to iron her clothes--she doesn't need pressed suits for work. Let her know that you will look things up on Ebay when you get a chance. Try to ignore her when she is showing you her knick knacks. Old knick knacks and antiques are only as valuable as what somebody is willing to pay for them---something could be "worth" a lot of money, but if there are no buyers it is worth absolutely nothing.
But I do know how annoying & frustrating her behavior can be.
You say in your new post that your mother is anorexic.
Does your mother visit a doctor of any sort? Is she registered with one?