Parents have given thousands to my sister while I was paying their mortgage. Now dad is gone, my mother lives with me and my family but has given my sister $20,000 in 1.5 years. She gives us nothing. I paid their mortgage to the tune of $32,000. They repaid me when they sold their house and moved in with me for a few weeks while they looked for a place to live. They never looked. Dad died 4 months later. She just sits on the couch all day, every day. She is 86. She had $70,000 saved in Oct of 2015. She gets $2200 a month in SS. The savings account, I just discovered is down to $47,000. I don't want or need her money. My sister desperately needs the money. I told her the other day that she needs to move in with my sister. She acted like I said nothing. I cannot justify to my family having her here when she is just giving money to my sister, spending money on expensive catalog items, giving hundreds away to charity, etc, etc.
Why don't you find mom a nice senior community to live in near you. There is subsidized housing for seniors with a limited income. Explain to mom that she is on a fixed income now cannot afford to send you sister thousands of dollars. It time to sis to grow up and take care of herself.
One concern: does your mom have dementia. Having problems with finances may be a warning sign that she has it. My mother's finances were a mess, I then realized it was the dementia. She also gave away a lot of money to charities, would pau my sisters bills, and would buy things that she didn't need. Sounds like mom can't manage her money anymore and someone needs to get financial POA.
The problem here is I hope she doesn't need Medicaid in the next five years because with giving a child her money they may not help her. Maybe this is how you can go. Explain the Medicaid thing. Tell her you cannot guarantee u will be able to always take care of her. She needs her money for her future.
Do you really intend to send your mother to your sister? You don't sound like you would really do it.
Are you ready to be the 24/7 caregiver when she needs that? Because if you don't do something soon, that is exactly what is going to happen.
Of course, if Mom was destitute, through no fault of her own, I would do whatever I needed to do to keep a roof over her head and food in her belly. But by God, if she becomes destitute because she gave everything to those underserving louts, I will find her a cardboard box and an overpass for her to live.
BTW, I accept (demand) rent from her but I regret not bargaining for more since she has negatively impacted our lives and I don't always feel it is worth it.
Otherwise hard feelings would have set in and no one would have been happy at all. I hope you can use this to convince your mom to chip in or move out with sis. Good Luck to you!
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Mom, we (I) would love for you to stay here, but if you do I'm going to appeal to your sense of responsibility and ask you to help out financially. I'm sure you realize that if you were to enter an assisted living facility, you might be paying $2500.00 a month or more.
If you live anywhere other than with myself, or sis, then your needs would be secondary to the expediency of staff. Nowhere on EARTH would you get the loving attention that you'd get with one of us who love you.
As it is, I have given up my privacy and peaceful life to give you the greatest gift of all. A place of safety and help from someone that love that cares for you.
What were you doing at my age? Were you caring for an elderly parent, helping them keep their independence? Were you sleeping with one ear open so you could hear their footfalls in the middle of the night and get up to make sure they were safe? Were you helping someone to the bathroom five times a day? Fixing their medicines? Taking them to the doctor? [List a bunch of stuff here.]
We (I) both know you weren't. You now have a great gift, being able to live with someone who loves you. Honestly? Money can't even buy that gift. By paying your expenses and and a bit more for the help you receive, you will be demonstrating that you value everything that's being done for you, paying back in a small way for sacrifices being made every single day to care for you. It's the very least you can do.
You [and dad] saved all of your lives for a rainy day. There's no doubt now that It's pouring outside mom. Time to help the loved one (ones) who are holding your umbrella.
It is my sincere wish that you agree to help out by paying (amount here) a month toward your care. It's the right thing to do.
I love you mom but I do hope you give this letter some thought and know that I love you very much. ;)