My mom passed and my siblings don’t bother contacting me and ignore my texts. They all live within driving distance from one another and I live in another state by plane. I didn’t attend the funeral as my husband was in the hospital. He was going through chemo and bloodclot complications at the same time! I still am heartbroken I couldn’t see my mom one last time. I made my choice and I have to live with it. It haunts me everyday. Having little contact with my siblings is heartbreaking to me. They are probably angry with me. I feel they all get together and slam me when I’m not there. Smear campaign. I never thought in a million years my siblings would dump me like this. I feel like now like my siblings were putting on an act while my mom was alive. Any thoughts?
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. Of course, you would have loved to have seen her one last time. This intention is enough. You are not ‘less than’ because you weren’t able to be there. You shouldn’t be treated as if you are.
I’m quite sure that your mother knew that you loved her and that is what matters the most.
Your siblings should have been understanding of your situation with your husband.
Do you think for one minute that your mom would have wanted you to abandon your husband in his time of need? I seriously doubt that she would have. Why on earth would your siblings or anyone else expect that from you?
Your siblings are unreasonable and have shown their true colors, or perhaps their grief has affected them deeply and that is why they are behaving oddly.
I truly hope that your siblings will come to their senses and realize how they behaved. I also hope that they will apologize to you. Then you will have to decide if they are sincere and if you choose to forgive them for being insensitive to your needs.
Maybe there will be a reconciliation in the future or maybe they won’t be any peace making. Whatever the outcome, hold your head high knowing that you did absolutely nothing wrong and in fact, you did the best thing possible for your husband in his time of need.
You couldn’t possibly have been in two places at once. Your desire to be with your husband was completely natural and should have been accepted by your siblings.
Wishing you peace as you heal and grieve for your mother and hurt feelings from your siblings.
Do speak with a grief counselor if you feel that it would help you to sort through your emotions. Take care.
The truth is that communication is the only answer here. I would write a note that is to all your siblings, but sent to each one separately telling them of your feelings as stated above. That you feel pain that your own husband was so ill that you could not be there as much as you wanted to for mom and for them at the time of mom's demise. I would tell them you miss them, and ask them if they are open to a visit from you, or if they are able to visit you. And if not, if there is some way you can all reach out to chat on zoom or some such.
Then, and according to their answer to you, you will have relief, or the peace of having tried. And you will, if they are unable to respond to your heartfelt request, have to move on, making friends and "family" where you live, whether through your faith-based community, senior centers, or groups devoted to hobbies help in common, book clubs, knitting clubs, quilting clubs and the like.
As to your mom's passing and your inability to be there, we are all hobbled by our limitations in life. We all do the best we can do. Your mom, it sounds, had support. I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you well moving forward.
People should never have expectations on what another person should do. I try to never expect because then you aren't hurt or mad when they don't do what u expected of them. Knowing the situation u were in, your siblings were cruel. Should you write them notes, if it makes you feel better but I would not apologize. Maybe you can do one email to all. Saying how hurt you were that you were not notified of Moms death. That then they chose to ghost you. You would have loved to say goodbye to Mom. You probably would not have made the funeral because your DH is receiving chemo to fight cancer but you were not given that option. It saddens you that not one of your siblings felt you had the right to know about ur Mothers death. How cruel of you all.