My mom has always had some kind of issues mentally she use to make up some crazy stories and she really believes them. Now she’s repeating herself over and over she has memories that never happened and is very paranoid. We need to get her help but no one else in my family is willing to do what needs to be done and I am more than willing to be the bad guy. My dad enables her my brother visits once a year and does crap all to help. What can I do?
Two choices, a facility or in-home care. I’m not sure of the ins and outs of who pays what for in home care, but you’d need to check with your local Medicare office, her Medigap carrier and file for Medicaid if you need to. Facilities are easier because their financial department does the work.
Be prepared for family members to come out of the woodwork when you make a decision. They will criticize any decision you make. Stand your ground. They’ll disappear into the woodwork again.
That said, how old are your parents? And what is your father's state of health? In this situation, he is the decision-maker and everything you do should be aimed at supporting him. I'm asking this for information, not as an accusation: what is he afraid of?
At 74 your mother is on the youngish side for developing dementia, and, besides, the self-neglect and erroneous beliefs (let's not label them without professional guidance) could be symptomatic of a whole range of other possibilities. Just off the top of my head, and speaking strictly as a lay person, for example depression, chronic disease of various sorts, or God forbid some new issue that is affecting her brain chemistry... Anyway, I really am guessing, I've no idea.
Mmm. When you say your mother used to make up some crazy stories and appear to believe them sincerely. You are sure about the crazy part, are you? Without knowing what they were of course I can't say; but if they were about her having been Secretary General of the UN, e.g., then fair enough; but if they were about quite possible events that you would rather not believe were true... Maybe keep your jury out on them for a while yet, no?
It does sound - self-neglect, loss of appetite - as though your mother is depressed. But whether that is because she has classic, chemical-imbalance-type clinical depression, or it's the result of some other kind of illness, or an exacerbation of an existing chronic mental health issue is, I suppose, what you need to know.
Try talking to her without contradicting or rejecting what she says. Accept what she is saying as her point of view. And, treading carefully, encourage her to talk to an "advisor" or "counsellor" about what troubles her. This might be one way of getting her in front of a professional who can give a meaningful assessment of her mental state and suggest ways forward.
A 74 year old alcoholic who has not had any kind of medical review in four years... the possibilities are endless.
I hope she "clicks" with the counsellor and is able to have an open-ended conversation so that you all of you at least get some idea of how to move forward. Look on it as a first baby step, don't expect too much of it - the really important thing is that it goes well so that your mother feels more comfortable about talking in general.
Meanwhile, if you were to promise, cross your heart, that nothing to do with her mental state would be on the table for any kind of discussion, could you get her to agree to a basic medical purely on the grounds that it's about time?
evwn if it could cure her 100%. I think she prefers to play victim. Because I have told her 10000000 times that sewing a dr could help her and why would she want to live being so miserable and she still says oh no I’m fine
Well. If she won't accept help, won't even accept that it might be an idea to check if something might help, there's not a lot you can do - at least until something else changes.
So, the only remaining option, to make you feel less stressed and miserable about it, is to follow a different train of thought of your own.
So: what happens if you back off and do nothing? Looking ahead by stages - say, to the end of this year, next year, the next three to five years - how do you see your parents' situation developing if there is no new intervention?
Best wishes.