I found my stuff in her bags. So I confronted her. I didn't want to make a big deal, so I just told her what I found in her bag and to please just put it back. She left to go back home and I realized she stole from me again. How do I deal with this? She is 83 years old.
Where does your mother live the other seven months of the year?
What is her state of health, physical and mental?
WHAT "stuff", and where did she lift it from? It makes a huge difference. Your wallet, from the kitchen counter, could be a simple mistake. Your classic punk rock collection, from inside your sound system, then you have to wonder if her brain is working right.
Also... if you didn't want to make a big deal of it, why didn't you just retrieve the items and return them yourself, without comment? How did your mother respond when you talked to her about this? - did she seem to understand, was she sorry, what?
Also, a lot depends on "what" she is lifting. If it is inconsequential, let it go. But if it is valuable, you may need to "check her luggage" before she leaves.
I have heard of this - she really can't help herself and with Dementia, she will most likely forget you checked her bag upon leaving.
Compare it to checking your child's backpack for "forbidden" goods.
My Dad “steals” those gift cards in stores and hoards them at home. They are not worth anything unless they are activated,but I am not sure he knows that.
Often, the rules that apply to the general population-do not take things without permission-are rules that don’t apply to the elderly with brain damage, memory problems, executive problem solving problems.
One other thing, even if she knows the items are not hers, she may think she should have them for some reason we will never know. I would never call it stealing-more like collecting-you will never know how an 80+ year old brain functions.
New behavior
Kind of items stolen
Her reaction to being caught
My mom takes money from my wallet, pills from my medicine cabinet and easily hidden valuables, intentional and knowingly - yep, she's a thief. I never leave anything I care about where she has access. So you can see why more info would be helpful.
Could be a sign of dementia as stated earlier. My mom 83, would move her shoes around- under her bed or leave it outside in the garage, etc. Then blame my husband for taking them "cause he wants her to move out." NOT true! Maybe time to have mom see her doctor to find out what's causing behavior.
Actually it was more that she liked it and if it was laying there it ended up in her pocket. Then she wouldn't know where it came from.
She was living with me and we would go to my Sisters in Ky. So we would just check her stuff and laugh about what we found. No biggy...
As long as you have time with Mom, Love her and let her know it and most of all "don't sweat the small stuff".
It does make me worry about what else she might take - as far as I know she hasn't done it to anyone else.
#1 Has she always had "sticky fingers?"
#2 Does she suffer from dementia?
#3 Is she poverty stricken?
#4 Is she unaware that she's even doing this? (People with dementia in facilities [yes, I know this is not the case here] often steal and wear other people's clothing. It's not uncommon.}
In the meantime, you might consider installing "nanny cams" in various rooms to see if you can catch her in the act. Then have her view the films with you and see how she responds. If she claims that she does not even remember doing it, she might have some type of psychiatric disorder or dementia.
However if she is picking things with good resale value then the gypsy existance of moving several times a year between you & I'm guessing other siblings means she is unsure of her financial position for now & the future so she may be trying to make a hoard of items to sell to keep her head above water in the future
You [& the others] need to evaluate which of the above is her motivation & then see how you need to proceed depending on her motivation ... to not steal but secrete items from you & quite possibly others for various reasons
If it is the begining of dementia I suggest that you offer to help her pack from now on because last time 'Last time, I missed giving your some items from the laundry ... sorry mom by doing this together we'll make sure it doesn't happen again' ... this removes her culpability from the equation & makes it a joint project but you can oversee it - if she has any of your things then either slip them under the bed for now or say 'I know you are so familiar with this that your thought it was yours but it belongs here' - does she take items she originally gave you because that might trigger a memory of buying it so she thinks it is hers