This is the third time in a year that my 92 year old mom has had some sort of medical problem and then landed her in rehab to get stronger on her feet. Each time she cries and carries on and says if she had a knife she'd slit her throat. She gets mean and angry and says some awful things. Last time she had her own phone and would call me constantly in the middle of the night saying no one will help her. Then getting mad at me because I couldn't fix the situation in the middle of the night. I eventually turned my cell phone off at night as I couldn't deal with all her drama. Well today she is to be transferred to rehab and she already called me this morning with the nurses phone to ask why am I doing this to her and how she wished she was dead. I've always wanted to do my best to keep my mom at home and try and take care of her so she wouldn't have to go into a nursing home because I know how horrible it would be for her. She's acting like this just being in rehab. I fear not being able to afford to have more help come in and just being able to take care of mom at some point. I don't know how I'd ever forgive myself if she had to go in to a nursing home. It's just so hard.
I too was on the other end of daily screaming phone calls for months until it was making me ill and I changed my phone number. I told hr the phone was playing up I got rid of it which she accepted. She's at the stage now where she believes fibs. She's deteriorated drastically in the last couple of weeks and I doubt she has much time left but I visit, ensure she has all she needs and find comfort in knowing she is so well cared for.
While she is in rehab, enlist dr and care teams help in finding options for her. This may be some financial or insurance paid aid to help her manage in her home with assistance so many hours per week. If it looks like she will need more care than she can afford then by all means consider placement as this can be cheaper than 24/7 home care.
I know this must be very hard and you don't want to make her unhappy by placing her...but if it's for her own health and well being then it is necessary. Hopefully drs and care team can help reinforce with her the time has come.
In the meantime can you have private conversations with her care team and see what level of care she will need and long term prognosis? Can you visit a few appropriate NH or AL facilities nearby and learn about their offerings.
I don't think mom will kill herself. You wouldn't be responsible for that decision...that is on her. You cannot take responsibility for your moms happiness. You can only tell her you love her and will help her without sacrificing your life and self for her care.
I think your mom is just unhappy at being so physically unstable/weak and is taking it out on you, as the nearest and closest person to her. You just have to set some limits around how much you'll put up with, so that you take care of yourself. I'd certainly try some anti-anxiety or anti-depressant meds to see if those helped calm your mom down. Good luck...it's not easy whatever you decide to do.
I would also suggest that you connect with a nurse or nurse's aide at rehab that you trust. Then, when you have questions or concerns, you can talk with him/her and get a more neutral perspective than what you'll be getting from your mom.
As others have suggested, have your mom evaluated for her anxiety issues.
Now for the hardest part....it's time to start thinking about how long you can realistically take care of your mom at home. While she is in rehab, maybe you should start looking into alternate arrangements, even if it is just "looking." It's always best, in my opinion, to find out all of your options before there is an emergency. Best wishes! Stay strong and know you are not alone.
I think illness or not old people do not want to go into a home and will do anything to stay at home who can blame them but its not always possible to keep them at home and thats hard but its for thier own good.
I wouldnt let her back home shes safer where she is. mum has said she will never go to the NH again EVER there goes my respite!