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I sympathize. There are light face masks available at the pharmacy. Try saturating a Kleenex with perfume or Vicks or Mentholatum and see how that works. Might help.
If she is able to get onto a shower chair or stand in the shower, you can let the water do most of your work, then use soap and washcloth. Sure beats doing the whole process by hand.
Maggie, we just had a huge conversation about being grossed-out last month. I think it would help you to read that information in the past discussion forum. It's really hard, we are not all cut out for caregiving, but it is thrown on our laps whether we want to do it or not. What you're feelin is very common! Can your mother afford a helper to come help?
I took care of my mother and this was a big hurdle for me as well. I did get over it as she was embarrassed and so was I! I took on the job of caring for my mother until she passed away. There were many hurdles and this was a big one! The bible says "once a man and twice a child," so I reminded myself that she was on her way to dying and I chose to care for her! Although it was not a pleasant job, cleaning her up, it was even worse when she became at one point "impacted" and the nurse had to "depact" her which was very painful. I began giving her the daily laxative to keep her going. This was only a couple of hurdles. There were many throughout my caregiving experience. This reply is to give you encouragement. Caregiving is not a nice, clean job. It is hard and sometimes messy! Like life! But be encouraged, taking care of my Mom until she died was an accomplishment that I will be forever grateful for. It made me into a better, more understanding and patient person. Caregiving doesn't last forever but it seems like it will, when you are in the process. You will get over the cleaning her up hurdle and there will be more hurdles to jump, I promise, but God Bless you for loving service to your Mom.
I approach this from the viewpoint that millions of women have cleaned baby's bottoms over the course of history and it is a natural thing. Health care workers do this too every work day. I approach it as It is a problem and I can fix it by cleaning her up and making her feel better for it. Not the job of choice but how much better the patient must feel when clean and dry. If smell is an issue...and it usually is, try a face mask or breath through your mouth. I also open a window during this process, no matter how cold outside.
I used a little electric fan to blow the smell away from me. I put vicks vaporrub under my nose. I learned a lot from watching various aides change her diaper, and learned techniques for wrapping it into the diaper so it got covered up right away. I put it directly into a plastic handle-bag and tied it up immediately, so the smell was gone while I was doing the rest of her cleaning-up. Truthfully it was easier once she was bedridden, than it had been all those years bending and contorting myself to help her over toilets and then the bedside commode. I had to learn the nursing technique of rolling the drawsheet with the diaper in it, then tucking it under the old rolled drawsheet, then rolling her towards me and pulling out the old one and unrolling the new one at the same time on the other side. Oh yes, the Low Air Loss bed was awesomely wonderful too! It is so easy to clean and the drawsheet slides under so easily. Having the right bed made a world of difference, and saved my back. I remember walking into a barn and gagging, while my sister beside me said, "Ahhh, Horses! Horse Manure! I LOVE the smell of a barn because it means horses!" So try to consciously switch your thinking, as you approach each diaper change, from "it's so gross" to "Let's get you all cleaned up and smelling sweet again!" and then you put on a demeanor of matter-of-fact efficient impassive nurse. One more idea -- if it's really gaggy then there might be something wrong. Of course feces stinks, but it is only really terrible when it has been in there too long, or if there is infection or lack of probiotics. See if she will eat more applesauce and fruit cups. See if you can slip some probiotics into her yogurt or pudding. (You can open the capsules.) Alfalfa pills can be powdered into pudding. They really help sweeten everybody up, inside. Bless you for taking this on. It will get, not "easier" but more routine, as you gain mastery, you'll be proud of your efficiency.
you might want to ask some nurses or aides on how they first handled the situation. I don't see too many in the NH wearing masks when changing so they must know another trick. good luck and God bless
Katie222, I approached cleaning my father up exactly the same way. I'm also a nurse that must do this as part of my job and I can assure you, patients are so grateful to be cleaned up. It's such an embarrassing thing for them and my heart always goes out to them. I put myself in their position; how would I feel? Just remember to validate their feelings. Try not to say it's no big deal because it is for them. Just say you understand, but their skin had to stay clean or they could get terrible sores. It doesn't take long.
As far as cleaning her up in a shower chair, that's ok if she's covered in feces. I wouldn't want to have to clean the tub, shower, shower chair, etc. afterwards, which would need to be done, after she had a bowel movement.
Katie....I'm wondering if you can have a day aide helping you. Do you have to do this all by yourself? Has she been diagnosed with something or just elderly and living with you? If it's affordable then bring some one else in to help for a few hours. WornOutDaughter....love your handle. I'm right there with you on that name and I love your post.
Pargirl, I do this most of the time by myself, but have an aide in for an hour a couple times a week. I have been doing this for over 9 months now and it just becomes routine and I feel better if she is clean and feeling better. Mom, 92, cannot walk or stand anymore and has inoperable cancer since 2002, CHF, a sacral stage 4 wound sustained in a nursing home, (a 5 star rated facility...), where she was for rehab from a broken arm last year. She is prone to UTI's and delirium. She has a nurse and a health aide that come in during the week and are a big help to me, though I do most of it all by myself.
So many good answers here. As you can see; this is a common challenge, so don't feel badly about yourself. I always had a large waste basket lined with a garbage bag close by so that soiled items could be quickly rolled up and whisked away to the bucket and removed quickly from the room. I made sure that a box of disposable gloves (and a bottle of Febreze) was always nearby. It wasn't the poop that got to me as much as it was the pieces of skin that would fall off, etc. I'm assuming you have 'chucks' on the bed to protect from major clean ups.
I have done in-home care, worked at an adult day health center, and a skilled nursing facility- each where I had to help people with toileting. It was strange, but most of the time it wouldn't faze me at all--and sometimes, every once in a while, I'd get really grossed out. No clue as to why. One of the tricks my mom (veteran RN) taught me was to press my tongue to the roof of my mouth and breath through my mouth instead of my nose. I also chewed gum a lot, and would push the gum to the roof of my mouth and breathe through my mouth. Most of the time at the skilled nursing facility, I was so busy that helping clean someone up was just another task to get through and get 'er done so I could move on to the next 20 things I needed to be doing at that minute. Another thing I did was to constantly remind myself that I was honoring these people by helping keep them clean, smelling nice, and healthy--just like I would want for myself. It is an honor for someone to allow you to help them with something so intimate. And by letting them know that I was happy to help them, made them feel better in letting me help them with so intimate a task. I tried putting myself in their "shoes," so to speak, and thinking of how I would like to be treated if I needed someone to wipe me. Sometimes I would get very emotional while helping someone! There were several very special moments I shared with the people I was taking care of.
It is hard to always know how to handle each step of care giving in the most acceptable way to all concerned. Hopefully this may help to care for the mother with Alzheimers and the feces cleanups. Some times it is good to talk positive to one's self, WHILE PERFORMING the necessary cleanup task. Example, " well she had to clean my "poop" when I was a baby. "She's a good mother, she deserves the best!", "I'm just glad she is not constipated!". "I know if she had things better and her way, she would care for all of this herself." "If and when she can think at all, it must be humiliating to her to have to rely on others to help her in this matter! "I really feel for her, having to accept help like this, I wonder if it will happen to me when I get old?" " I love her so I can do it! " " I will just breath through my mouth, so I cannot smell it, and I'll have it done before we know it!". And THINK thankful when bowls are basically on a normal pattern (if they are). Now let me share a PERSONAL experience with you. My husband went down bed fast , going on two years now. Many complications, diabetes, congestive heart failure. sleep apnae, groin hernia, swollen prostate with catheter inserted to release the urine, incontinent runny feces (probably due to the medication or other complication we are not aware of). He has memory problems, but is aware that he has this condition, and it is very very hard on him, but he never complains.. I have to have help come in at least one hour in a.m. and one hour in p.m. per day to actually roll him from side to side in order to keep his skin clean and well. One must constantly guard against bed sores and infections from lying in the bed continually. Mentally I try to talk to myself while caring for the matter, wiping the soupy feces from all areas it chooses to creep in. " Saying to myself, he doesn't deserve to be in this condition, he was and is a good man, I feel for him, it must be humiliating t o him, but he is so good, not to complain and make it worse. sometimes I even speak directly to him, and explain how I understand it must be hard to deal with this, but not much we can do except, do what we have to do, right? He may say something like, "I guess so." I relate this to you and anyone else that must deal with these matters. From experience, dealing with care centers in the past with family and friends, I have come to know that the care centers in most cases, do not have enough time to care for persons on a one on one individual basis.. So someone who loves and cares for them as family members many times find it necessary to do, and be in a position to keep on top of things, giving the best care possible. I have not tried this yet, but I have thought about putting on some enjoyable music or songs while cleaning, to keep mind off of the messy stuff, it may be worth while to try different avenues. Keep on keeping on and hang in there. May you be blessed for your kind and generous care you are giving to your loved one. A hug your way. joylee
Although my Husband is not "there" yet, he has had a few times where he's had a bowel movement in his disposable pants where I gagged. Thank you for the help and thoughts. And, yes, he's hating it, also!
I had to nearly run to the toilet with the pot from the chair toilet. I did not think I was going to be able to hold my stomach back. But, it must be done. I have not had to clean him up yet. But, he has had a rash for over 6 months which he got from ONE of his meds. No one can say which one. I have had to put it on his butt with lotion..So, I guess I will have to learn another phase when he starts to have dirty diapers. It is not an easy job. I also in doing this am concerned for my kids if they have to do this for me. I hope I go before I get this far along. No one else is going to do this, so we have to. I feel sorry for them. It has to be embarrassing.
There is an industrial deodorizer, D-80, which eliminates even the worst odors immediately. Available in hardware stores. Dilute with water in a spray bottle as directed and spray on the soiled clothing, diaper, in the toilet, everywhere but directly on the skin. Wear gloves. You can wipe first, then spray the soiled cloth or paper before discarding. It will leave a fresh, deodorized smell. Both you and your mom may find it a relief.
Elders don't have the strength to wash thoroughly. And if they have a shower seat in their shower stall, guess what doesn't get washed? You got it! Mom smelled, but she didn't know it because she had lost the olfactory sense. It's a difficult job. I cleaned my completely naked mother at end of life stage. She would have been so embarrassed/mortified if this was done earlier in her life, but at end of life, she didn't object. The roles reverse-they are now the children and we have to become tbeir parents.
Everybody is different. When I have to clean up my husband's mess, it doesn't bother me a bit. The smell doesn't bother me at all. He keeps apologizing, and I keep telling him not to worry, that everybody has accidents every now and then. I clean him up until he's smelling like a rose, and then I feel I did a wonderful thing because he always says, "Thank you for taking such good care of me." However, as I said, not everybody can do this without flinching. I don't know why it doesn't bother me, but it just doesn't. Often I will sing a jazzy little song when I'm cleaning him up. Poop is a normal bodily function. Perhaps if you thought of it that way (normal) it might help psychologically, I'm not sure. Anyway, I thought I'd put my two cents in here. :)
About the shower chair...Of course you need to clean it and the shower or tub, but spray cleaners make it easier, as does the shower itself to rinse. She can rinse the stuff off as she gets into the shower by holding onto the chair and exposing her bum to the water. And...of course she or you need to clean her rear quarters with a soapy rag, making sure you clean it well to prevent rashes. And of course, this is for the really messy times when the loved one has it all over his or her lower half (which often happens as disposable or padded pants are pulled off. My mother tries to clean herself if I don't get there soon enough, so hands are involved, too. Shower time!!!
I am a caregiver and a registered nurse. I purchased some vanilla oil at a health food store. I rub a nab under my nose if I have to dis impact a constipated patient. It helps to coverup the surrounding odor. You can use peppermint or another scent if you prefer. I hope that helps. Even nurses don't care for the smell of stool. Jen
My husband has vascular dementia and went through a period we called "poopitis" - he couldn't make it to the toilet in time and it ended up on the floor and often all over the toilet seat as well as all over him. Now that was a challenge and fortunately that phase passed - hopefully forever! He still doesn't clean himself well,and I often help him out. One problem with getting an aide is that poops resist scheduling. And when it happens you can't wait for someone to show up.
lol, after reading all these comments, I think I've been holding my breathe! Anyway...while on the toilet, I have rolls of paper towels handy...I dampen them with water and baby oil, go in thru the back and wipe towards the back until the paper towels are fairly clean. I always have a trash can with a plastic bag near by...to dump all the poop diapers, paper towels immediately...then I take a nice clean damp face towel...and wipe clean with baby oil! Yes, it's sickening! The hardest part of taking care of my parents is getting up in the morning and smelling piss everywhere until all is cleaned up ... put in a plastic bag...and dumped in garbage can outside!! I think that bathroom issues are 80% of my misery careing for my elderly patients!! ugh
Have you tried NOT serving beef? It is the worst when it is defecated, Chicken and turkey is less smelly. Think of what you ate and how it smelled. May help all who are caregivers.
First off, don't feel bad. Even the best of healthcare providers have something that gags them be it vomit, sputum, stool or whatever. I've cleaned a lot of bottoms during my years as a healthcare provider and stool still gags me! I highly recommend the use of a small dab of Vicks under your nose when doing cleanup duty. Another thing I highly recommend is to use shaving cream when cleaning a soiled bottom. It smells good, softens dried stool and it's good for the skin. Hope this helps.
Thanks to all of you for your encouragement and kind words. It brought tears to my eyes reading your comments. Wow, I am also realizing how many wonderful people are out there. Many times in life I have thought that there is more bad people than good, but here is a perfect example of good and beauty! I started taking care of my mom part time this pass September, now I do it fulll time. I love these chats! May God continue to bless you all!
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I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
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APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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For myself, I breathe through my mouth & not my nose or I do vomit.
you are in the process. You will get over the cleaning her up hurdle and there will be more hurdles to jump, I promise, but God Bless you for loving service to your Mom.
Most of the time at the skilled nursing facility, I was so busy that helping clean someone up was just another task to get through and get 'er done so I could move on to the next 20 things I needed to be doing at that minute.
Another thing I did was to constantly remind myself that I was honoring these people by helping keep them clean, smelling nice, and healthy--just like I would want for myself. It is an honor for someone to allow you to help them with something so intimate. And by letting them know that I was happy to help them, made them feel better in letting me help them with so intimate a task. I tried putting myself in their "shoes," so to speak, and thinking of how I would like to be treated if I needed someone to wipe me. Sometimes I would get very emotional while helping someone! There were several very special moments I shared with the people I was taking care of.
Now let me share a PERSONAL experience with you. My husband went down bed fast , going on two years now. Many complications, diabetes, congestive
heart failure. sleep apnae, groin hernia, swollen prostate with catheter inserted to release the urine, incontinent runny feces (probably due to the medication or other complication we are not aware of). He has memory problems, but is aware that he has this condition, and it is very very hard on him, but he never complains..
I have to have help come in at least one hour in a.m. and one hour in p.m. per day to actually roll him from side to side in order to keep his skin clean and well. One must constantly guard against bed sores and infections from lying in the bed continually. Mentally I try to talk to myself while caring for the matter, wiping the soupy feces from all areas it chooses to creep in. " Saying to myself, he doesn't deserve to be in this condition, he was and is a good man, I feel for him, it must be humiliating t o him, but he is so good, not to complain and make it worse. sometimes I even speak directly to him, and explain how I understand it must be hard to deal with this, but not much we can do except, do what we have to do, right? He may say something like, "I guess so." I relate this to you and anyone else that must deal with these matters. From experience, dealing with care centers in the past with family and friends, I have come to know that the care centers in most cases, do not have enough time to care for persons on a one on one individual basis.. So someone who loves and cares for them as family members many times find it necessary to do, and be in a position to keep on top of things, giving the best care possible. I have not tried this yet, but I have thought about putting on some enjoyable music or songs while cleaning, to keep mind off of the messy stuff, it may be worth while to try different avenues. Keep on keeping on and hang in there. May you be blessed for your kind and generous care you are giving to your loved one. A hug your way. joylee
Jen
May God continue to bless you all!