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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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Kel, Looks like the rest of your post got cut off. Can you continue your story? Does she have dementia? How old is she? How long has she been forgetful?, etc.
Hi Kel, Actually, if your mom is not behaving irrationally, she has every right to refuse doctor visits and your interference. If you believe she might have beginning dementia, it is a very difficult thing to convince her to "get checked" for it. Usually you just have to wait for a "defining moment" and then you can make your move. It's hard to watch one parent behave in a manner unfitting to the other parent. But, legally, I don't think you have a leg to stand on until she's "unfit".
My mother and father are living in an independent living community. They just moved there in January. My mother is a perfectionist. Therefore, she's not content/happy about anything usually. She can find fault with everything. My father has lost the use of his legs, and is in a wheelchair now. He has been for a year. My mother helps him a lot -- too much sometimes. For the last two months, it's like she's resenting having to help him. But it's also like she won't let him even tried to do anything. She blames him for everything. I know he can push her buttons sometimes but this is with most couples l suppose. In about two weeks it will be their 62nd anniversary. My father always provided very well for my mother and our family. We were not rich, but comfortable. Now that they're on an extremely limited budget, she still thinks she can afford whatever she wants. She can't. She now doesn't care if he lives with her or not. She seems to always be angry at him for something. He's kind of her scapegoat now. My father will sit there and take it most of the time. I think he does this because he knows he's in a very vunerable situation. My mother does not realize that they cannot afford two separate places. If they do get two separate places she is going to hate it because it will not be nearly as nice. I have tried to talk to my mother, gently, about some of these things. She immediately will cut me off and tell me it is not her that has any problems, but I need to look at my father instead. Then she gets mad at me. My sister has the financial POA and I have the medical POA for our parents. My mother is 82 and my father is 88. They both get confused at times. My mother will fake being happy when we are there now because she does not want us involved. We are involved because we love them and are trying to help them. I think my mother has some depression going on and a lot of anxieties. However, how do you make someone her age go and discuss this with the doctor? Especially when she doesn't think she has any problems. My father sits in his wheelchair looking very sad all the time. He won't say much concerning this because he thinks it's just going to get him in trouble with my mother. And he doesn't want anymore problems. My mother does not see anything she does as a problem. She wants my father to change. After 62 years of marriage and him behaving a certain way, he is not going to change now. But she's expecting this. She has told him if he doesn't change he can leave 'her' house. How can I help them? How can you help a mother that will not even listen to what you're trying to tell her? How do you help your mother that keeps canceling doctors appointments? I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them right now. This is horrible. I don't know what to do for them anymore.
It sounds like maybe your mom is getting caregiver burnout herself. At 82 she may be changing herself. Anxiety and depression can start to wear her down. Maybe she is starting to get some dementia. This is a trying time for both of them anyway. A move sometimes just changes everyone. I'm also with Sue. You may have to wait until something happens to one of them. Why is your mom canceling doctor appointments? Maybe she knows something is going on with her and doesn't want anyone to find out. Like the doctor or you and Your sister. I'm sorry for your dad. Maybe independent living is too much for them and it needs to be AL. I'm sorry you are going through this. Someone will have better answers than me.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Looks like the rest of your post got cut off. Can you continue your story?
Does she have dementia? How old is she? How long has she been forgetful?, etc.
Actually, if your mom is not behaving irrationally, she has every right to refuse doctor visits and your interference. If you believe she might have beginning dementia, it is a very difficult thing to convince her to "get checked" for it. Usually you just have to wait for a "defining moment" and then you can make your move. It's hard to watch one parent behave in a manner unfitting to the other parent. But, legally, I don't think you have a leg to stand on until she's "unfit".
What does your sister say?
My father has lost the use of his legs, and is in a wheelchair now. He has been for a year.
My mother helps him a lot -- too much sometimes.
For the last two months, it's like she's resenting having to help him. But it's also like she won't let him even tried to do anything. She blames him for everything. I know he can push her buttons sometimes but this is with most couples l suppose. In about two weeks it will be their 62nd anniversary.
My father always provided very well for my mother and our family. We were not rich, but comfortable. Now that they're on an extremely limited budget, she still thinks she can afford whatever she wants. She can't.
She now doesn't care if he lives with her or not. She seems to always be angry at him for something. He's kind of her scapegoat now. My father will sit there and take it most of the time. I think he does this because he knows he's in a very vunerable situation. My mother does not realize that they cannot afford two separate places.
If they do get two separate places she is going to hate it because it will not be nearly as nice.
I have tried to talk to my mother, gently, about some of these things. She immediately will cut me off and tell me it is not her that has any problems, but I need to look at my father instead. Then she gets mad at me.
My sister has the financial POA and I have the medical POA for our parents.
My mother is 82 and my father is 88. They both get confused at times. My mother will fake being happy when we are there now because she does not want us involved. We are involved because we love them and are trying to help them.
I think my mother has some depression going on and a lot of anxieties. However, how do you make someone her age go and discuss this with the doctor? Especially when she doesn't think she has any problems.
My father sits in his wheelchair looking very sad all the time. He won't say much concerning this because he thinks it's just going to get him in trouble with my mother. And he doesn't want anymore problems.
My mother does not see anything she does as a problem. She wants my father to change. After 62 years of marriage and him behaving a certain way, he is not going to change now. But she's expecting this. She has told him if he doesn't change he can leave 'her' house.
How can I help them?
How can you help a mother that will not even listen to what you're trying to tell her?
How do you help your mother that keeps canceling doctors appointments?
I feel like I'm walking on eggshells around them right now. This is horrible. I don't know what to do for them anymore.