My mother (85) was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, she lives 4 hours away from us. With a previously signed POA and a Dr's letter she was placed in a nursing home. She is fighting tooth and nail to be released, saying she can live on her own. She has an apartment, we were going to go this weekend to clean it out. She threatened to call the police to prevent us from going in. Can she do this? We have a durable POA, but I don't know if that allows us to manage her belongings.
Since you seem uncertain I will tell you that your POA demands that you keep accounting of every penny into and out of her assets. If her home is to be sold to take care of the costs of her care, and your POA allows that, then that is what you do.
An attorney is paid for out of your mother's funds to endeavor that you have a full understanding of your duties under the document.
Please get a consult with an elder law attorney and ask all of your questions. He will help you understand any questions you may have.
It's a BIG JOB! I did it. And you need to know you stand on steady ground with a good roadmap. As to your mom being unhappy, I hope she will adjust, but happiness now is the one thing you CANNOT do for her; you CAN protect and guide her assets for the best care she an afford for the rest of her life. She will not be happy. The end of life is full of losses. There's little to be happy about. I say that as an 82 year old.
The assisted living told the police what was going on , how Mom had not been adjusting well . The police called me at home to tell me what went on . They told me that Mom told them , I was abusing her because she thought that would make the police come faster than if she said I was stealing money . Even with dementia she knew to lie and manipulate . At the police officers recommendation , I did not see my mother for 6 weeks after that . She needed to know the consequences of lying and accusing me of abuse .
I wouldn’t tell your Mom . Just clean out the apartment . I kept my mother’s belongings that I thought she may ask for in boxes in my basement . She already had furniture from home in her studio in AL . The rest of the furniture , kitchen , garage items etc was sold , money put in Mom’s bank account .
Take a room at a time. I had boxes for each of my siblings. What I thought they may want, I through in them.
Call to mind this happened at the facility with a married couple. I believe she was the one that called the police. (same lady who threw water on the nurse giving meds, after being upset her husband was discharged before her)
If there is the the very real possibility that mom does not have the $ to be able to private pay for her AL (5-7K a month) and a NH (7K-10+K a mo), please pls realize she will end up having to file for TX LTC Medicaid program and it will flat out require oodles of her past financial records.
So as you clear & throw place anything financially from 2019 to now in their own plastic bins. If stuff is too nasty to handle, stop at H‑E‑B and get their 2 gallon ziplocs and put the nasty paperwork into the zippies. Not just her bank statements but any old car, land or house sales back to 2019 & old IRS filings. If she has a passport, save it as it establishes citizenship as TX wants verification of birth or naturalization paperwork. Just easier than having to get a birth certificate which can be glacial to obtain or having to pay a bank to do research for years ago statements.
also unless her clothing is too damaged, pack what you can to take it back home to wash and store (again Hello 2G Ziplocs). Stuff flat walks out of their room at facilities no matter how you label things. If her new facility allows for personal furniture, set whatever aside for this plus clocks, lamps, framed photos / art, a mirror.
on getting rid or furniture, kitchen stuff etc. TX Goodwills are pretty user friendly but ya got to haul it out and off to an open on the weekend acceptance location. Good luck. If you possibly know of someone in the vicinity of your moms apt who is on NextDoor, see if they will post a “free cycle notice” for a free take away from the apt the day before you know you for sure are leaving. If that can’t work see if the apt manager has a suggestion as they have had to deal with this and in way less friendly circumstances so may know of a junk hauler. Do make sure you do a written Notice that she is moving out so that there’s no more rent that has to be paid than whatever is needed.
Best of luck in getting all this done. It’s can be an emotional process to have to deal with as there’s often just so so soooooo many things that would have been salvaged and useable but they did not keep their place tidy or clean. I took it upon myself to throw away almost all my MILs leather goods as they were with mildew and mold. She was quite peeved. Fun times!