Mother keeps giving money to brother while I have guardianship. How do I stop this?

All you can do now is to keep track of the money that is being given out. Tell the legal system that your mother is being abused and you need to get an emergency protection order now. Tell your brother that taking advantage of his own mother is morally and ethically wrong, And that he may be required to pay back the money if you have to go through the legal system

Tell Mom you are Now in Charge, It is Inevitable Anyway, Cut BRO OFF TODAY.

That would depend on the amount of money that mother is giving your brother. If it were large sums of money, brother SHOULD rightfully decline the offer. In any event, you can report this activity to your attorney. Mother is not to be in control of the finances.

I thought my family was the only one in this situation. My mom has given all of my brothers money, but mostly my younger brother. I am the only girl. My mom didn’t qualify for Medicaid so I am paying for her assisted living.
It is too late for my family but I wish there was a way to help others who aren’t at this point yet unless the parent is super rich, this will become an issue for every family

In contacting APS to make a report of financial abuse by brother, they will investigate & interview both parties separately. If mom says she gives him the money freely, even if her memory is slipping-they'll take her word over yours. It happened to me when I tried to stop my brother from stealing from her account & using her cards all over the place.
Take away her debit & credit cards asap. Keep records of bank statements too.
Goo Luck!

If mother is paying her other son several thousand a month and he is her full-time caregiver, and he is conscientious and she seems content with the care he provides, then she is getting off cheap. You haven't said that your brother isn't caring for your mom properly, just that you're unhappy that he's being giver several thousand a month. He could contest your guardianship if your Mom is now ok. You might not be able to evict him that easily, legally speaking, and maybe, morally speaking, you shouldn't. Where is your mom in all this? You seem intent on getting that Guardianship to protect your mom, but you don't say from what she needs protection.

Having dementia and needing help with ADLs do not necessarily mean that a person is legally incompetent and courts will not award guardianship on the strength of these issues alone.

One more thing. Why did you apply for guardianship when it is your brother who is the caregiver, taking care of her daily needs 24/7 (as appears to be the case)? What is your motive in all this? I may be wrong, there may be more to the situation than you have stated, but .... without knowing your motive for this move, and without knowing your plans for your mother's care after giving your brother the boot, this looks like a er, well, not very well thought out course.

You don't say what the "several thousand a month" is spent on via the debit card. Is it groceries/pharmacy/gasoline/yard work/utility bills, etc? If so, then what is the problem? If he is funnelling into his own account and not helping with bills, then it is a problem!

Do you realize that if brother is evicted, you will have to hire caregivers to the tune of about $20,000/month if needed 24/7 or else place her in LTC at lesser, but still great, expense? And brother will get her house if live-in caregiver for more than two years in the Medicaid spend down? (Eviction takes time!)

You need to consult an elder care attorney before proceeding further! You also need to consider whatever value your brother provides your mother as live-in caregiver. He may be saving your mother way more than he spends!

Edited to add: And if you cut off that debit card and take away the checkbook, how are your mother and/or brother going to pay bills, buy food and medicine and put gas in the car, etc? Stop and consider what is really best for your Mom. That should override whatever problem you have with your brother. You will (or at least should) look like a real jerk to the court for depriving your mother and her caregiver all support if you go that route.

The stories on this thread SO echo mine. PLEASE document everything and bring it to court with you next month: bring the credit card statements, the status with the bank (of only being able to flag the accounts), a written statement about the strained relationships. You need to make clear to the judge that your mother's inability to think long-term is jeopardizing her financial stability. Do you have DPOA? Request this, if you don't already have it.

The sooner you can get the judge to see the reality of the situation, the better. For us, this turned into a nightmare. Even though my mom had drawn up a trust prior to the dementia setting in, and I was stated as the successor trustee, we still ended up going back and forth with the courts for over a year and a half, and spending $70,000 of my mom's money just to get back to the same thing she had spelled out in the trust years before - that if she should lose control of her faculties, I would continue as her DPOA and become successor trustee. Between my brother and a sister (who hadn't visited my mom in a decade, but popped back in to ally herself with my brother and stir the pot) they kept things chaotic and caused the judge to feel she had to prove that she was proceeding cautiously and "protecting my mother's rights", even though no one could ever validate anything they alleged (that I was controlling, seeking to profit from my mom, perhaps already had funneled some of her money to myself).

I don't advise ANYONE to get involved with the courts if they can avoid it, but you're already there, so get your attorney to convince the judge ASAP that your mom needs protection due to her own inability to protect herself.

I've found that siblings who are not the caregiver get treated better by the person that's giving the care. Unfortunately, it is this insidious disease as they use their ability to do most everything and you're the one that sees it, so that's partially why he gets the money, just my opinions and going through it myself.
Have you tried getting Power of attorney or in trust accounts. I would recommend to go to the bank and your doctor and explain the situation they maybe able to help.
ALos look up your 'Elder Options' Agency, or Shriner type organization. Elder Options is called something different depending on the state and county you live in.
I hope this helps.

You can kick him out, but
who takes care of mom? She can't be left alone, she isn't competent. If he is doing caregiving perhaps he needs a caregivers contract that will specify what he is expected to do and how much compensation he would receive.

I guarantee that your mom will not let him go quietly if that means she is now alone most of the time and she is right, she needs 24/7 care.

What is the situation, mom has caregivers, she lives in a facility that he is able to stay, you are there 24/7? Who provides the needed help with ADLs?

Guardianship as you know is different from POA or even DPOA (though more similar I guess) and even as "temporary" Guardian you have a duty to protect your mom and her assets. I believe guardianship is only done through the courts and the court has appointed you, even temporarily, because it deems you trustworthy, willing and qualified to take on this role. The temporary part giving others like your brother the time to come forward and prove you aren't a good choice (he needs to have cause and proof) or request someone else and the court time to delve deeper but if you didn't pass more than the smell test in the first place they would have appointed someone else (court appointed) as temporary until they made a determination about you. The way I understand it unless your mom is challenging the need for guardianship the court has already determined she needs it, is incapable of acting in her own best interest so in affect has lost her independent rights and only has the legal access to her accounts that you (her temporary or permanent guardian) give her. I'm not sure why the bank isn't allowing you to do anything more than flag her accounts and I'm not sure what good that does other than let you know when the damage has already been done but I would lean on them a bit harder if I were you. Make sure you know the rights and responsibilities of temporary guardianship and any differences from full guardianship, they may need some education on it, if you also have POA tell them you are using that if they have an issue with the court appointed papers but put them on notice that it's been established she isn't able to protect herself with good decisions and is being taken advantage of to the tune of several thousand dollars a month and if they keep blocking you from protecting her from that you are going to hold them responsible for non approved (by you) payouts from now on. Then give them your thoughts on how to stop this and ask if they have better options. Put them on notice that they have responsibility (not sure if it's a fact or not but seems like a reasonable stance).
Then I would ask about a debit card for mom that has a limit maybe or other ways to cap her ability to spend or withdraw money without taking away all her feeling of power over her affairs. You can either head off issues at the pass or wait to see if she even notices, you know Mom and Bro's influence best, by telling her the court stepped in based on her doctors concern and determined that she needs someone to take care of her finances. The concern being that her confusion sometimes or a major health event could deplete her funds so much she wont be able to support herself. They would have appointed a stranger and charged her for it if you hadn't agreed to be appointed but even though you are her daughter since it's a court appointed legality (she didn't make a DPOA to avoid guardianship) you have to account for all spending to the court and that limits things a bit but not as much as it might if a stranger were doing it. This may be a bit much for mom to grasp but partly it's for brothers benefit if you find a way to either have him overhear the conversation or better yet be a part of it. You could even say, while I can make a case for supporting his living here with you and not paying household bills the court has been clear that gifting money or miscellaneous expenditures not for mom directly are no longer ok. The other angle being if she should need Medicaid in the future everything has to pass Look Back muster. This way it isn't you cutting him off it's the court, the doctors and you are the good guy rescuing as much as possible. If you can find a way not to be the heavy w/bro and help the relationship or at least appearance a bit it will be much easier on mom. In my experience she needs to feel like everything is ok and she is caring for him as much as possible. Bro living there as a caregiver might be valuable too if he is indeed good with her & helpful.

Get the checkbook away from her if she still has it. And do not leave her with much cash. Is she at home or in a care facility? If she is in ALF or NH, she shouldn't need any cash beyond what she needs to have her hair done, or something like that. Tell your brother that the court is examining her finances and no more money will be going to him. I don't know if they do that but it might make him stop asking for money.

Temporary guardianship is valid and you are acting as your mother so to speak. Is the order for finances, for person, or for both? The courts have agreed that mom does not have capacity to make her own decisions at this time. Courts take it very seriously in taking away someone’s legal rights permanently, thus the coming hearing. Banks must honor even a temporary guardianship appointment. Cancel the debit card and/or change banks if needed. Mom does not have the legal right to give $ to anyone without your say so since a guardian was named.

Stop the credit card NOW do not wait for full Guardianship. There should not be a problem stopping the card.
(If you can not stop the card then report it lost and suspend all transactions until it is found..{{like magic after you have full guardianship}})
If she has a check book "loose" that until after the court date.
I do hope you have a safe in the house for valuables.I do hope all the "loans" to brother have been documented as you might have to take him to court to recoup the money and that may be a possibility IF you have to apply for Medicaid. If you don't it might be fun to send him a 1099 at the end of the year so he pays taxes on the "income"

As fiduciary, (whether temporary or permanent guardian), you are responsible to see that not even your Mom has access to her own funds (unless allowance you approve). A rep-payee through Social Security has the same responsibility for those funds, and does not allow for funds to be used for other than the care of the beneficiary.

Understanding guardianship, and the qualifications required, would be the first step. One can always have a public guardian or another guardian appointed if you cannot take charge.

Thanks for the replies. I have court appointed TEMPORARY guardianship (due to dementia and have doctors affidavit that she needs care for her activities of daily living) and go to court next month for hopefully permanent guardianship. I have also paid for a surety bond per directions of the court. Bank will only allow me to put a flag on her accounts until permanent guardianship is approved. Brother retired (with limited income) and moved in with her. Mom continues to give him money (several thousand per month) using debit card. I plan on cancelling debit card and taking her checks. My relationship with my brother has hit a roadblock because of this and there is no more discussion, just angry words leading close to physical confrontation. Moms hearing is about gone but she sees the reactions of us two and it is also stressing her out. I plan on having a intervention between him and me with my attorney about my responsibilities as guardian and he must move out ASAP. I hope this is all resolved by the hearing date with the courts.

Close out her account, open a new one in your and her name, don't give her any checks or a debit card. If you are her guardian you can handle all her bill payments and so on. My brother is POA for his dad and his wife, we had to take away her credit and debit cards and checkbook as she has dementia and couldn't keep track of anything, it was a mess as she also was giving large sums of money to her son, a real loser. His father still has these things as he is in good shape mentally, not physically. She doesn't even remember that she even had a credit card before, it is all gone from her mind.

My mother was giving my brother money as well, however, I live with her and because of my brother stealing from her and myself, I a band him from the house. Plus, I had to change her account from the Credit Union to a bank due to bankruptcy (keep my brother out of her acct). This may sound controlling, but I just made it impossible for my brother and my mother to be alone together because I knew he would get money from her and at the end, I would be the one to pay the price! I (being her POA) will be the one that will have to explain where her money went when we apply for Medicaid and if she gets denied, which she probably will then I will be the one who will end up being her caregiver until the end of her life. Therefore, I had to take control of her money because I know I will not be able to take care of her properly as the disease progresses.

If you have guardianship then you have legal right to intervene and the responsibly to protect your mom's well being and that includes her finances.

Good luck, you will need it!

Because there are people who use the terms as though they are interchangeable I have to ask, do you mean a court appointed guardianship or are you referring to being POA?

You wouldn't have guardianship if your mother were competent to manage her own money. Therefore she isn't able to do it, and you are responsible for managing it for her. Why are you leaving her money where unscrupulous people can get their sticky mitts on it?

Did your mother contest your guardianship application? Is there any friction between you and her about it?

When I gained guardianship of my father and placed him in MC, I completely took over Dad's finances and pulled his access to any of my parents funds. With the court's approval, I provided a small weekly allowance in cash ($75) Dad could give to my estranged brother to spend on his various requests for outside purchases (mostly take out meals) and authorized purchases from the MC's in house "store" to be included on the monthly bill. I purchased most consumables Dad needed like shaving soap, shampoo, lotions, toilet paper (he wanted a particular brand), mouth rinse, clothing, etc. and delivered during my weekly visit when I also took an "inventory" to decide what I needed to bring next week.

Dad was very angry when he first entered the MC and lost access to his money, but he actually adjusted in just a few weeks. Then we went through a time where he was concerned the money would run out and he would have to leave the MC. After I assured him there were enough funds for him to live there at least a decade, I only heard about his money again when he wanted to buy some collectible and couldn't.

As guardian, you are responsible for how ALL your mother's money is spent. If the court (in it's annual review) doesn't approve the money your mother is giving to your brother, you can be liable for those funds and lose guardianship. I encourage you to pull your mother's direct access to funds and strongly consider reporting your brother to APS to avoid that outcome. The court may overlook problems during the period of guardianship transition but you need to have responded and solved the problem when it came to your attention.

Mom had to be considered incompetent for u to get guardian. This means she no longer handle her finances. You need to take the ability away. Show the bank ur papers and tell them only u have access to her accts. Take her check book away.

Ditto what Ahmijoy posted. As guardian I believe you have full legal authority so cut off her access to the money. Not sure about extortion but for sure elder abuse.

The only way to stop this is to take away her access to the money. Give her a small allowance. If your brother keeps bugging her for money tell him you are going to speak with an attorney about extortion.