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Brother is threatening to sue. She told me I could take whatever I wanted. I didn't take much. but brother had sent me an email saying "you cannot take anything or sell or give away anything". He lives out of state and has been an absent son for 30 years. anyway.. my mom has the right to let me take what ever I want , right? She had made a list years ago of things she wanted to give us. but her verbal permission has more weight than that list since she is alive , right? My brother is POA. He doesn't communicate with me.. Does he have to share any financial reports?

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Sounds like you guys aren't on the best of terms. I would let your mother deal with him. She can give her things to whoever she chooses. He is POA, but as long as she is mentally competent what she says goes. POA gives someone the authority to do things that are the wishes of the grantor. A POA does not give anyone the power to be boss. If your mother tells you that you can have something, she should also let your brother know. I wouldn't count on verbal permission, since your brother can say that never happened. I would get it in writing, since it looks like it may get nasty.

Since you don't have POA, it may be best not to sell anything unless the money goes directly to your mother.
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If you were given things that have monetary value it could become a problem for mom if she needs medicaid within the next 5 years, as POA perhaps bossy brother is looking out for mom's financial security.
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As for your question regarding brother having to share financial information with you - no, he doesn't unless it is a stipulation written into the POA agreement - which rarely seems to be the case in most POA agreements. As far as the stuff goes - did you take something that had been previously promised to your brother - even though you had your mothers permission? If so, I would urge you to return the item. It might have meant something to him and if he's doing the POA responsiblities - something he feels he deserved. Regardless of the right or wrong of your brothers thinking regarding the item - is it worth the bad feeling that will come between you and him? I imagine things will become increasingly difficult with your mother as she declines physically and mentally with age - being on decent terms with your brother will only benefit you both as you continue down this bumpy road.
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He can have you arrested. I suggest putting it all back. It is his duty to keep all the finances confidential and to secure the property, including changing the locks.
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Why on earth is he POA? He has been absent for 30 years? Really? Why doesn't Mother simply make you the POA?

Has your mother been judged to be incompetent by a court?
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If your mother wants you to have something, she needs to tell your brother so and leave it to your brother to decide whether you can be given items without creating problematic financial considerations further down the line.

It isn't enough for her to have said to you that you can take anything you like; and if you just think this through you'll see why. Anybody can say "oh but mother said I could", can't they? And who's to know whether mother did or not, and whether mother understood all the implications of what she said or not?

Your brother will be held accountable for what happens to your mother's money and property. Send him a list of every single item that you have removed from your mother's house, and if he still wants you to give them back then do so. You may find that if they genuinely have no significant monetary value he will decide not to bother.
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Hang on: your profile says that you and brother have joint financial and healthcare POA. Is that correct? (You still can't just help yourself to your mother's property, but it does make a difference.)
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I have the same question as Jeanne. Why in the world is he POA if he has been absent for thirty years?! How does he even know what was there? How long ago was POA signed? If mom is competent, maybe she would update her documents.
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I agree with Jeannegibbs and Gladimhere, especially when Your Brother lives out of State and has been an absentee for the past 30 years. Mnbwca get the necessary forms and ask Your Mother to sign Her Name after You have filled in the form, to make You Her POA. After all You have been Your Mothers Carer. Life can be very tough at times, and You definitely do not kneed Brother Hassel. Good Luck.
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Have you resigned your POA?
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/have-to-get-lawyer-to-designate-power-of-attorney-195244.htm
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I understand your mother has moved into assisted living for good and you are left with cleanout.
So those things previously promised in writing are what you are taking.
Have mother sign an adendumn stating you are receiving lisied items since she no longer wants them. and you are to currently to take posession of previously gifted items for safekeeping. as per her stated wishes make copy put origional in safe deposit box for your own safety inc take picture of all paperwork with your phone as adendumn have statement noterized inc clause a digital image with le ledgeible notary seal shall suffice as and or copy of said document shall be same as presentation of origional document.
Then if someone wants to get crazy and tear something up then smile and say oh well.
You are as stated above also her poa so you can directly petition for accountability to whereever money spent where is suspose to be spent for funds inc bank.
who is fuduciary.
who is healthcare. An accountability is reasonable if he is fuduciary and you healthcare. To know what funds available left for continued longterm healthcare to maintain in assisted living. Have everything receipted and noterized 10.00 notary fee is worth years of headache. Is she cognizative. Even if not you are cleaning out and was already gifted so gifting would go from the date of gift on letter of gift. She relinquished legal and items were in her posession for safekeeping until her demises. It is her option to have you safe keep the items she bestowed upon you . she needs to sign document for you to take posession for safekeeping of said items.
Are you going to rent her residence or are you staying there.
That can make diff. The items were gifted to years ago. If you co habitate then they in your posession. but you said you took them. so I assume you arent living in residenc. You had been gifted date of letter upon date.of letter. Famous words get it in writing. better yet get it noterized
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If your mother is competent, I understand she is free to give her property to whomever she wants to, even a total stranger she might meet on the street. Did your brother say why he would sue? His having POA allows him to act in your mothers interest, not override her choices. The biggest problem I see is the waste of time and money dealing with a lawsuit that the brother is sure to lose. I agree with the folks who said that your mother should talk to your brother. She should politely tell him to shut up.
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What my attorney told me is that because I am my mom's POA, and she has been declared mentally incompetent, I am in fact her person, and it is my fiduciary responsibility to protect any and all of her property and income for HER benefit only. If anything is sold, it is to be used for her care or comfort or expenses. If anything is given away, it can only be something that has no marketable value, say a plant, or a favorite cardigan, that is, something that couldn't be sold second hand or pawned or or auctioned. My mom is relatively poor, so money is an issue. Even though your brother is far away and not very present, he has a legal obligation to protect her assets. If you took an antique clock, a necklace or a chair, for example, you could be accused of theft. Legal instruments are there for a reason.
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Your question depends almost entirely on whether your mother has been determined incompetent. If impaired, she may not give away items of value. They must be used in support of her care. If she has made a list prior of recipients it should be followed if she is incompetent. If she is not impaired she may do anything she wishes with her property. Of course if she later applies for Medicaid items of value could be subject to rules regarding gifting-proceeds to be used to repay the government for expenditures for nursing home care.
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His Power Of Attorney (there are a few different types so without knowing which she has given him, its a bit vague) but, it means nothing if she is still deemed competent of her affairs. Her wishes and demands are still hers at that point. Power Of Attorney is only effective in certain circumstances, and takes effect when/if she is ever deemed disabled, incapacitated, or incompetent. This is very easily resolved. If your mother was competent enough to sign papers to get "signed into and register as responsible party" at the assisted living facility, then she will be considered "competent. Your mother will need to place gifts, etc, in writing, then with a notary (many facilities have them available) she will sign her name with full intended power of her signature. (For complete and accurate certainty, contact an estate attorney (or a general law attorney may be helpful as well) and spend a few minutes to educate yourselves.
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... one more thing I will mention; Because you've said your brother has been absent for 30 years (and we as readers can only respond to words written on these posts, where-as they may or may not not be factual, or situations may be far more, or far less complicated within the family dynamic) ..but if indeed said brother has been absent for any serious length of time, I would advise your mother (again if she is deemed competent, and again after education of what types of transferred power best suits her) ..I would advise your mother to "re-think carefully" of the who her Power Of Attorney would be best suited on her behalf if the need ever arises.
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You don't mention if your mother has any dementia. Since you just mentioned lung disease, and if she is competent, she can distribute her belongings to whomever, but the written list trumps anything verbal. Anyway, if your brother has been absent 30 yrs., how does he know what things she has? Since he has POA your mother must have given it to him for a reason. No, you do not have a "right" to know financials unless he wants to give them. And, let him threaten you all he wants, just keep those emails and use them against him. He is on a power trip and I suspect he has been a bully with you all your life. Tell your mother what he has said and see what she wants to do about it. It is her right to give and take away her POA if she is competent.
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Quite honestly I would locate the lawyer who first drew up the POA docs or who got them organised for you, and get properly legal advice. At the very least, get him/her to make official inventory of all your mother's possessions, furniture, pictures, jewels, etc In my own case, as I used to be full POA and now have the non-financial POA for an aged friend, everything was done on the basis of inventory lists of all, and I mean, all possessions done immediately the POA was made. Only the notary may dispose of any items, everything else has to be kept safe until my friend dies. When her flat was cleared in order to be rented out, all possessions were sorted out: what was disposed of was done with the notary's assistant present, and everything else was packed up and put into two cellars I have a few bulky items taking up space in my home, but I may not use them (sofa, cupboards) until after my friend has died and her will executed.
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A Realtor's motto is "if it isn't in writing, it doesn't exist" which I believe applies to your situation too. I don't know from your question whether your mother is still living. If so and if she's competent, have her write something and have it notarized by someone in her nursing home and send it to your brother.
It seems her personal effects would have been handled when she went into a nursing home or if she has passed. I have a POA for my 89-yr-old mother and I am unaware of any part of it that addresses disposition of personal effects. You might seek the advice of an elder care attorney and take your mother's trust with you for review, if she has one.
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Does your mom have an attorney? Does she have a will? This is definitely a matter that requires legal advice; I believe you should seek it as soon as possible. If your mom does not have her own attorney, she should find one who will act in her best interests. Good luck!
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I totally disagree with the statements like, "If your mother wants you to have something, she needs to tell your brother" because EVERYTHING that mom owns, it is her choice and her choice alone what to do with it! Brother does not get ANY say in what mom does (as long as mom is of full mental capabilities).

And for mom to have to " leave it to your brother to decide whether you can be given items without creating problematic financial considerations further down the line" is just more of that same attitude---- MOM is the one who gets to decide what she wants to give, or not give, to anyone.

EVEN IF there are written lists that she may have given an Executor, mom is ALWAYS free to give items on those lists away to anyone she chooses, at any time. If there are written lists, for use after mom's death, it does NOT mean that everything she wrote down, is still in existence---there is this thing called "Ademption" and it means, if mom already gave something away, prior to death, that item is no longer available as part of those written lists, and this is all perfectly legal.
The reason I am a bit impassioned about this, is a similar situation with my own dear mom, who had her mind about her, and she did give away some jewelry, furniture, art, and other items, BEFORE death, and she really enjoyed doing so. However, there were prior written lists she had given to Executor, and of course there were some "hurt" feelings, but the legal definition of Ademption cleared that all up. Nobody was forced to return any of those gifts---precisely because mom gave them away prior to death, and there were other relatives present when she did the gifting, and she was not pressured to give. LIKEWISE she was not pressured NOT to give--and that appears to be what is happening in the original poster here. A senior, or anybody, is always FREE to give what they want.
Medicaid does in fact enter into the situation with the look-back, but they are not going to make a fuss over a chest of drawers, an old couch, or some pearl earrings. If there were a BMW worth 50,000 which was given away, then there might be concern. But for general household goods and some jewelry (not talking about the expensive stuff), Medicaid is NOT going to give a rat's arse about mom gifting that away.
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If you do not have the Power of Attorney you should have it. It might not take effect until she is declared by her primary care physician or by a court to be incompetent.
Does you Mother know that you are worried about this? If she has the where-with-all maybe you could work out a solution with her. She might want to secure the gifts to you or change the Power of Attorney to include you or be with you. You don't know until you ask her.
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is he DURABLE POA??? sounds like you are getting "OPINOINS" rather than law, talk w/lawyer - DURABLE POA needs to be signed while there is still mental competency. opinions & law are VERY different - back yourself up. who has the authority in case of a living will???
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Definitely, talk with mom, if brother has been out of state for 30 years, he does not sound very connected to mom's needs. Especially since he seems more concerned with "the stuff" and suing you, rather than mom's desires. To me this all sounds like mom trusts you more **in her everyday needs** than your brother. The poa needs to be someone who can be counted on **for the everyday needs** and not someone who is interested in launching lawsuits---at their own siblings! gawd! mom would probably be so mad to learn brother is going to sue you!! tell mom about brother's intentions and allegations, and she will probably call the lawyer herself to change poa. (and yes have mom change her written lists to reflect the past gifts, that is a good idea, too, but in the end if she passes, the gifts are part of Ademption and do not count against estate shares).
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...there seems to be allot of fear warnings and some uneducated answers on this post. First of all, Power Of Attorney papers are not needed to be drawn up by attorneys, but speaking to one is fine "if" you are concerned of legitimacy or concerned of the process or understanding of power transfer docs and procedures in general as I said above its always a good thing to become educated no matter how you do it, and speaking to an attorney is one way to become "educated on the matter . Second of all, Power Of Attorney (power transfer Docs) are easily discontinued from one party and placed in anothers name with a simple written notice of canceling so & so's authority and giving the transfer to another, all in the same written notice. You simply need to save the document properly/wisely. Competency at time of signing is the only condition of Power Transfers. All this talk of Medicare fear, jail time, and other fears, etc, is unnecessary for the simple fact the poster had not mentioned anything of Medicare.
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Vicksky, I bow to no one in my championing of elders' rights to autonomy. But that isn't the issue here. The issue is how to cover the OP's behind. The brother is raising Cain - forgive the pun - about items that the OP has removed from the house. If the brother takes it to court, the OP is going to need to demonstrate that she was acting on her mother's instructions or risk being accused of theft. The simplest way to achieve clarity on the mother's wishes is if the mother instructs the brother, as POA, to hand things over.

But in any case all this was before I read the OP's profile, which states that she and her brother have joint POA.

We don't know whether the mother is competent or not.
We don't know what the approximate value of the 'few things' was.
We don't know whether the mother is so well-funded privately that she will never need to worry about Medicaid applications.

So you can't responsibly just agree with the OP and say 'well if mother said so you go right ahead, take what you like, and tell nasty brother to go to h*ll.' That might work out fine, but it might well not. There are important points to consider, beyond what the OP says mother says.
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The right or wrong of this depends on your mother's mental capacity.

Questions that might be appropriate: Given that she needs assisted living, is your mother able to properly judge her long-term financial needs? Does she understand the impact of reducing her assets at this stage in her life? Was the list made when she was of sounder mind?

For some time now I've asked visiting aides to return to me anything that Mom gives them because she had become impulsive, handing over to people things that we needed for daily life. She's 98, has dementia and assorted other ills. As POA, I need to protect her from herself.

Blessings to your family for a peaceful resolution of this conflict. It can't be doing your mother any good to have you and your brother at odds and her in the middle.
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If your mom is able to set the record straight, let her do so asap. A 30 year absentee do not deserve so much power. It is not fair to you, if you have taken care of her.
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...again, Power Of Attorney is only as powerful as the document states and in what actual power the document is created (titled (ie: Duality, Health, Standard, etc etc), but perhaps mentioning, those documents are only of value during life, and the power ends after death. A Will, would then take effect and an executor would be appointed if not already done-so within the Will, (the executor position is not just given to the one holding a Power Of Attorney.) The executor of a Will, either already appointed or will need to be, that's when all property, items, and real estate (including all taxes & debts associated) are worked, transferred & divided. As said above, without knowing specifics of anything shes said at all, its virtually impossible to even advise, and would be speculative at best .. and quite possibly harmful to anyone else reading trying to gain knowledge. If anyone is unclear to the "legalize of power during life transfers, wills, etc etc, you can learn on your own, or as Ive said, go ahead and contact an attorney.. but education is key here. Just make sure its the correct "education.
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...I completely wish there were options to remove our own comments from these conversations.. and at the least edit"
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