Mother snuck out of the nursing home last week. Any insight?

These SNF's staffs can be "off their game, so to speak." Then when the patient's family shows up, they act like they've got it all together! Some, but not all, are loads of BS!

Huge, you seemed to indicate in your post today that you had advised the sw to "check your mom's logic circuits". That's what i was responding to. She has no need to. You have guardianship. If the sw wants to challenge that, the judge will be happy to listen to her petition.

It sounds like you've taken the correct steps. Good luck!

@Babalou, Sunnygirl1, Rainmom - I am well aware that the social worker cannot override a court ordered guardianship. As I have posted earlier, I have a call into the ombudsman for this nursing home, and the circumstances were well explained by me. I am expecting a call this week from the ombudsman. So, we shall see what happens from here.

I agree, the SW sounds like an idiot - which is a shame as I think it's one of the most vital roles in an institution that cares for a vulnerable population and by extension their families.

That's right. A social worker can't override a court's finding of fact and decree. This most be the most bizarre situation I've ever heard of. I would think that facilities are closed for similar lapses.

Huge, the issue is not what the SW THINKS. The issue that you have GUARDIANSHIP. I would challenged that SW's competence with her employer. And with the state agency that licenses her. Now.

Took my mother to dinner. During our visit, my wife quietly checked the sign-out book. We noted that my mother had signed herself out writing "lunch with *******." During our conversation, I discovered that a gentlemen whom I know, took her out to lunch that day. Be that as it may, she did "pull a fast one". Also, the floor nurse (he is really good) advised me that they did place an elopement bracelet on my mother, but she cut it off; then refused to wear it. This is typical of her "personality disturbance". The nursing home has placed ane elopement rod inside her walker. The thing that disturbed me in regard to all of this was the fact that the social worker I spoke to originally seemed out-of-touch with my mother's case. Lastly, I advised the social worker to check my mother's logic circuits as it were. My mother can plot to lie (my mother has been a confabulator all her life), but she can't figure out an e-mail application, how to turn on her TV etc. So, I know that the social worker chatted with my mother and challenged her with regard to the computer and TV. My mother, who can't remember how to send an e-mail, even though I've "educated" her a thousand times on the process, asked me once again a) how to turn the computer off/on b) how to send an e-mail. I nicely showed her. Of course, after we finished the conversation, she could not remember how to do what we just talked about. So - here we go.

If this has happened once and since the agency did not seem too upset, I'm betting this has happened before there. Give management, IN WRITING, notice about who can take her out, who can visit. You may also want to see if there are elder care nurse case managers in your area...they are independent RNs with years of experience in the field and they work for YOU. They know who to talk to and how to talk to them. Sign up for a credit protection service for her right away. You have a predator on your hands.

Hugedoof: I am extremely happy to hear that you've had some kind of resolution to this problem and also, now you know that you weren't alone in having discomfort of one staff member. Now you know you can continue to work with the ombudsman.

Thank you for all of your responses. The solution was to contact the local ombudsman for our county here in Massachusetts. The ombudsman covers a series of nursing homes including the one my mother is in. My conversation with the ombudsman resulted in a) her having an investigative conversation with the nursing home administrator b) a review of the "event" paperwork c) working with me to allow me to escalate the situation however I want. I advised the ombudsman about my discomfort with one individual in particular on the nursing staff as well as the social worker. She confirmed to me that I was not the only person who has experienced this "discomfort". So, I will continue to pursue and see what the outcome is from the ombudsman.

How could it be worse than allowing the abduction of a mentally incompetent dementia patient and not seeing it as a problem?

Please le us know how it goes but just curious - is your intent to move your mm to another facilty now or do you feel stuck where she is and don't want things to ge any worst?

I doubt if they are of admiration. I would ignore them or stare right back.DO NOT, MOST OF ALL, ALLOW INTIMIDATION!

When things were not "comme il faut" at mom's facility, i asked, in a very low voice, why my next call should not be to the Joint Commision. Things have been pretty nift since then. Not perfect. But acceptable.

I would ignore stares from staff. They might be of admiration.

Their "goat-eyed stares" are meant to intimidate you into treading lightly for they are trying to protect themselves. Take no prisoners as you pursue the truth.

Hugedoof: Don't accept "goat-eyed stares" from the staff. Let your elder attorney know this is how they're reacting to you. This is TOTALLY unprofessional and unacceptable!

@plzdnr. I went through the ombudsman previously with another scenario when my mother was first installed at the nursing home. That was essentially useless exercise. So, at this point, I will be utilizing my guardianship attorney to investigate what happened on my behalf. It may be a few dollars, but my bringing an elder attorney to bear on this situation will result in more pressure on staff. Again, anything with regard to something out-of-the-ordinary at the facility, results in goat-eyed stares from the staff. So, I have to tread lightly here. I will keep you all posted.

I would think a facility would take this seriously because of lawsuits. Just like my grandsons daycare, there is a list of people who can pick him up. They can only release him to one of them. Yes, the staff has met each one of us. Yes, residents can't be locked up but those with Dementia cannot make decisions.

It's hell being "the crazy daughter" in the eyes collectively of the facility management staff. That means you complain (advocate) a lot for your mom. "There's always one" lol. Does the staff seem to scatter when they see you coming? I'm sorry. I know it's hard enough leaving her there w/o this crap. I lived and breathed Longterm Care Facilities and opened and trained staff for the Memory Care Units for many years for one of the largest (best) LTC Company's for many years. I was a Nursing Consultant charged with making things go right in places bound for a zillion things to go wrong. And they did. All of the time. So many variables. I always tried to educate my Administraters and Directors of Nursing to go towards their problems not run or avoid. They get frustrated, too.
I didn't catch your state but I can assure you to remove a Wanderguard after placing it on requires a lot of paperwork. Also..it is a reportable event for your Mom to have left that Facility. All LTC facilities are monitored by the state but follow federal guidelines. I don't know what your knowledge base is but for others, please bear with me.
1. The Facility must display their last survey..Annual or Complaint visit. Go looking. Better yet, go ask the Receptionist where it's posted,even if you know, lol. Word travels fast. You have the power to take care of Mom. Just use it with care.
2. Ask the SSW when Mom's care plan meetings are held and then go. If the time is not good, be reasonable but insist on accommodation. Ask the SSW to see the assessments that were made to put the bracelet on and then again off. My guess..a nurse did the right thing by putting it on but it should have been on long ago and when they went to call it in they realized they made an error. They have to report those type things within 24 hrs. So they reset the clock in hopes of fending off a visit from the State.
Medicare.gov/nursinghomes MedicareCompare are gifts to the consumer. It has the results of all the LTC everywhere. Go play and read. LTC is not hard. There is a rule book, it's available online. I always got the printed copy. I like books. People used to wonder how I could be so successful. I read the book. Cover to cover. Several times. You can too!
1.Know what you can expect as a minimum. Go up from there.
2. Change the NA's perception of you and your mom. Bring donuts for each shift, cookies occasionally. FEED FRONTLINE STAFF. Bring some neat pictures of your mom when she was much younger. Hang them. No clutter.
3. Ask the Administrator if she has reported the "elopment" to the State (for DHHS). And I do believe the police should be notifed, staff identified,appropriate Board notified (Board of Nursing-RN,LPN,NAII; CME? for NA. Leaving the facility, losing a Resident is called an Elopment.
4. You always have the right to call in a complaint to the number on your Admission Pack. Yes, anonymous is ok.
Good luck, God Bless. Remember 99.5% of the frontline staff do try their best most of the time. I know that calling a complaint to the state has some instant gratification it could set off domino's that could end badly for something minimal and unrelated.
I retired, health reasons, after 30+ so my comments are my own. Just sayin (lol,NC).

.

I used to be a therapy program manager in a nursing home and applied the wander guards as recommended by nursing. I checked the batteries daily with a device to make sure the batteries were working, replacing the batteries as needed. Over the weekend, a special aide did the same. The alarm at all doors would sound if these patients with dementia approach it. Nurses would run and kindly bring them away from the door. This us how it should be done. The administrator and social workers are passing the buck. You should seek another place. This place is negligent! Also, each nursing home should have an omnibusman to pursue such negligence. The State Board in most states investigate such compliants, and fine such Nursing Homes thousands of dollars a day until they get their pound of flesh. You may find that that home may NOT want your mother as a patient anymore and help you transfer her, which I would recommend anyway!

Hugedoof: Pull her out of this TOTALLY incompetent facility and place her in one who knows which end is up! Otherwise, in regard to the blank stares you get from the staff, I would say "HELLO, I'M TALKING TO YOU!!!!!!!!!"

Sorry for all you are going thru. It doesn't matter who the SW was, your paperwork should be on file. Filed where it can be gotten to easily. You need to go to the director and file a complaint. Everyone involved in ur Moms care should be aware you r the only one who can take her out.

Calm down. She is back, but the facility needs to be held accountable. Make sure they have a copy of your guardianship on file, and leave WRITTEN instructions as to what you want. If you are really dissatisfied, then move her, but sometimes staff screws up. It isn't the first, and won't be the last. I don't know what your "WTF" means, but keep it civil here. It is your responsibility to keep documents at the facility and for others to know you are in charge of your mother's affairs. Maybe she is planning on eloping with that "other person". Hang in there...

I am a retired long term care administrator and cannot believe the facility's response to your situation! In PA , as in many if not all states, this is a "reportable" event, meaning the incident needs to be fully investigated and fully reported to the entity that oversees the type of facility your mother is in. You may ask for this report but the administration is not required to provide as it is not part of the resident's medical record. If you file a complaint to the entity that oversees the facility, they will perform their own investigation and issue a formal report that will include any deficiencies discovered as a result of the investigation. They can provide you with this report, too. (I suspect that the administrator wants to do their own investigation to avoid any deficiencies and possible fines.) In any event, the administrator should be very forthcoming and contrite in manner by providing a full accounting of the event to you personally. It's inconceivable to me that anyone working in a memory impaired/dementia unit would permit a resident to sign herself out, whether a copy of the guardianship papers are in the chart or not. In reality, however, nurses, being human, are not always quite what they need to be. If you decide to keep your mother at this facility, you will want to be fully informed of what corrective measures will be taken to prevent a similar situation from occurring. The facility should as part of its corrective plan be sure that all nurses are inserviced on what steps need to be taken when a resident wants to sign herself out. I am guessing that this is a personal care home or assisted living facility as a skilled nursing facility would take more precautions when someone signs out "against medical advice".
The local ombudsman can assist you with handling the followup to this as well as accompany you to meet with the facility staff. You do not need to feel alone. Finally, I would encourage you to not succumb to the feeling that all you do is write checks and act as an accountant. You are the PRIMARY advocate for your mother, and no one can do a better job of that than you. Do not let the staff bully, intimidate or discourage you from doing what you know is best for your mother. And based on your description of the staff at this facility, it may be in your mother's best interest to relocate to a facility that can show you the respect and compassion that she and you, as guardian and advocate, have the absolute right to receive.
May God bless.

You should be concerned. Whoever this person was may have had her sign some papers - and of course she will have no memory of what happened. Report it to the police immediately. This person could be anyone - you need to find out who and why they did this.

My experiences:

My mother-n-law is 94, has dementia and lives in assisted living. Her eldest son and his new wife, visited her for a few hours (they live in CO - she lives in FL) took her from the facility and she signed several papers. They left that same day, didn't even spend the night. She started crying because she has no idea what she signed. The eldest son told her not to tell anyone he was there visiting. After that her other son, took her to an elder care attorney and her wishes were recorded so these new legal documents supersede whatever she signed.

My mother is 93, has Alzheimer's and lives with me. A few years ago when she lived alone - people from church took her to a lawyer. This man Mike kept telling her that he was going to help her stay in her house as long as possible. I found out that he had rental property. I looked him up on the county website and the deeds from his 3 houses were transferred to him on the death of the owner. My mom's house was going to be house number 4. I filed a police report. She trusted him, more than me.

There are people out there that prey on the elderly - even in nursing homes. When ever I tell people this story, they say it happens all the time.

Demand answers from the nursing home, call the police.

I would file a complaint with the police dept and health dept. I would be curious how this unknown man was allowed to sign someone out in the first place without ID. Make sure you have restrictions on your mother's chart that she cannot be signed out by anyone but yourself. If no one wants to take this seriously, well that is what social media is for--and local newspaper, tv etc. EMBARRASS them by going public! They are thinking you will be quiet and yeah, you're upset but unless you flex some muscle, this is going to be shoved under the paperwork rug. If nothing else, this might happen to someone else and it may not end so well. Did this man bring her back? How long was she gone? Did she go to the bank with him? etc etc. that 's why the police may send a detective to investigate. Good luck.

I think what makes this situation unusual and more hard to accept as just a mistake on behalf of the facility is the fact that mom went off with some unknown man who had unknown intentions. So in fact, this was almost a worst case senerio. You know - when you find out the elderly loved one takes off but in all the other examples here the person went home or tried to. So then you find yourself saying to the administration "What if she had gone off with some stranger"? But in this case, she did indeed go off with some stranger. So now you say "she could have been abused, taken advantage of or even killed". And in fact the poor OP does not know that the first two things did not happen - and is lucky that his mom is alive. I hate to be a drama queen, dwelling on worst case senerio - but I also think it's a mistake to treat this as a simple mistake that could happen any where. It can happen anywhere but getting everyone to see the seriousness of the incident is probably the best deterrent to ensure it doesn't happen to the OPs mom a second time.

Appalling on so many levels - no one should be wearing a bracelet to trip an alarm - doors and gates should sound an alarm unless a code is entered
My mom eloped out the front gate in her wheelchair and the receptionist caught her before she got too far away - I was told immediately and they mapped her behavior for the next 72 hours- my mom was intent on going home that day even if she had to paddle her way there and I constantly get the you're not the boss of me routine

You have no way of kmowing Whether your mom was the victim of elder abuse/fraud but the issue needs to be raised up outside the facility - it's unlikely this man just took your mom for an outing and got her an ice cream cone

Jeanne, That is a good answer, and a good attitude!

Mistakes happen.

Mom should obviously not have been allowed out, but she was. This was a serious mistake. Someone needs to own up to that, say "our investigation shows this is how the mistake happened" and, more importantly, "these are the steps we are taking to see that it doesn't happen again."

I don't think you'll ever find a place where a mistake absolutely never ever happens. This was a serious one, and the facility needs to take ownership of it. I'd give them a reasonable length of time to report back to you. And if the report is not satisfactory or somehow blames you that they misplaced the guardianship order, etc. I would certainly bring this to the attention of higher authorities, including the police.

A person in a secure memory unit should not be able to sign herself out, whether there are guardianship papers on file or not.