Okay, my mom wants to give it one more try, of living by herself in her home of 45 years. She is 88, uses a walker. If it doesn't work out, or time goes by and it stops being possible, she may move in with me and my husband.
We have extra room upstairs, but no downstairs bathrooms, and we have stairs, which she cannot do. She would be confined upstairs unless my hub & me carry her down. We might get a motorized stairlift, but my mom isn't real mobile, by nature.
I could give her her meds, food, and she goes to bathroom alone.
Does this all sound ok, or like a catastrophe in the making?
The issue with the stairs sounds like she is not at all ambulatory on her own & needs a walker to move from point A to B, correct? If so, that also means that in day-to-day regular activity and also for any emergency she cannot do for herself and will need assistance. So who is going to literally be there for her 24/7 and is physically strong & healthy to carry her seamlessly if need be? She would need to have and use an alert button that one of you have at all times or is linked to a emergency care company. On a personal note, I'd like to stress the "USE" aspect, my mom just wouldn't use the alert button whether she fell at home or when she was in IL with 4 pull cords in her apt or even now that she is in a NH and there are 2 in her room and a giant red button in the bathroom. If they are that way, ("I'm OK & not my fault, the rug moved on me.....there was a paper of the floor that made me slip...the button doesn't work...somebody pushed me) there isn't much you can do about it as that is a loosing battle.
At a minimum you are going to have to install some sort of barrier to all stair openings, clear all rugs, etc. The barriers cannot be a baby-gate's either or you may find yourself in a packet of trouble with homeowners insurance. Stairlifts are good but they usually require renovation to the area if it's an old house to install.
I've dealt with the whole accessibility issue as we rebuilt our home after Katrina and are @ 24' BFE, so there is about 13' between the ground and the first (living) floor as per FEMA regulations.That's alot of space to walk to get up to your home. The house was designed so that we could live in it as we aged (we're in our 50's & 60's), like wider doors & hallways, totally doing a open-access master bath, grab bars in master bath, lower profile tub, wider exterior stairs with landings at midpoint. And we put in a "utility lift". I priced true elevators (30-35K + annual inspection), stairlifts (not code feasible plus the walls would have to be structurally very different because of load) and interior & exterior utility lifts (8K). We did an Yale hoist exterior lift that easily fits a wheelchair or 2 person's standing. If you have closets that are in the same space on both floors, look into having them retrofitted for a interior utility lift.
Also consider a ramp. A few years before my mom put in a ramp off the kitchen side back door at her 1 story 1940's era home which is about 3-4' raised. She was & still is ambulatory with a 4 footed cane but has difficulty lifting her legs as she has the Lewy Body dementia "shuffle". Her local agency on aging had a program for doing this so the cost was minimal, it wasn't her idea but her home was selected by the neighborhood association. What surprised me was the sheer length of space required to correctly put in a ramp that is code compliant. Also her homeowners insurance co came and took a picture of it. You'll need to think about doing a ramp so that she can go outside and not be stuck inside all the time and also for you all to have her get in & out of the house easier when you take her to the doctor or out shopping or for visits. The more I think about it Lili's spot-on in that she might need more care than you can provide. Remember if she still owns the house & she may need to go on Medicaid to pay for NH, the lookback is 5 years - 2016 - for any sale or transfer of property or assets. Good luck.
My normal response is that it is very difficult to combine two adult households under any circumstances. Everyone has a need for independence and privacy.
Give your Mom's plan a try with some paid in-home help and see how it goes. In the meantime research ALFs, etc. in your area. She may need more care than you can provide. Your home is really not suited for this situation.
good luck
Hugs to you all.
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