Our father has severe dementia and has been in a memory care facility for 3 years. There are three siblings, each in a different city. I am the PoA and have made the decision with the other non-local sibling to move our father to the City I live in due to the drama that has been repeatedly caused by the spouse of our sibling and in turn the sibling as well.
Without getting into many details, we feel it will be a safer environment for my father to move. Not because of our sibling but the spouse.
Once we move him there will be backlash and an uproar. There have been threats by this sibling of "removing me as PoA" when they were upset. Recently, the facility had to threaten to call 911 if they would not calm down. Ultimately, they want to care for my father and have us pay them what we pay the facility for his care. This will never happen. I do worry at times about the comment because I would not put it past them to have had my father sign a document or forge his signature. But that is another story.
Back to the question. Do I tell them before I move him or after it has been done? They do not have the means to travel and see him unless I pay to make it happen.
Secondly, you are under no obligation to tell this sibling anything. I'd not utter a word about anything pertaining to this move and get a restraining order put in force in the event the sibling comes to your home to cause a scene. You have backup from the last Memory Care about their chaotic behavior.
There must be a big inheritance here the sibling is comping at the bit for, huh? Disgusting.
Best of luck doing what's best for dad.
And do not pay for them to travel and visit, that’s just ridiculous.
First, I would make sure you have your Father's formal medical diagnosis of dementia/memory impairment/cognitive incapacity on the clinic letterhead with the diagnosing doctor's signature. This ensures that your PoA is formally active and that your Father can no longer legally sign or change anything. And if he did it would be easily contestable. You may want to have him sign his name (if he's still able) so that you have something to compare it to. FYI we were shocked to find out that one day my MIL could not sign her name nor even make an "X" on a holiday card, even when we demonstrated how. Her dementia is not as advanced as your Dad's.
Next, I would get a copy of the Incident Report that his former facility hopefully has on record when those 2 were acting up at a visit. Having this paves the way for any future restraining order.
Finally, you provide a photo of those 2 to the new facility telling them they are not permitted to visit or have any information about your Father released to them.
Then, I would block their numbers if you don't want to hear the explosion that you know is coming. They don't have a legal leg to stand on so they can make all the threats they want. If they spread lies about you I would have my attorney draft a letter which will shut them up permanently.
You don't need people like this in your life, regardless that they are "family". With family like that, who needs enemies?
I am assuming you already know of the difficulties, if Dad isn't private pay, with hoping for any Medicaid help once he is with you; he will have to qualify for residency, mental and physical need all over again.
As you are POA you are in charge. You will need now to warn this ECF about family problems big time if they are not fully informed. Also you should call APS and inform them because this couple may well call them THEMSELVES and they may ask APS to get the "Emergency Temporary Guardianship by a judge". THIS would trump your POA and they would be in charge of Dad.
This is a total mess. They have to power to take your POA but they DO have power to trump it with guardianship. Make certain there is a solid diary and paper trail of EVERYTHING here including calls and emails. I would communicate with them only with online or text which gives you a solid record.
So sorry you are going through this. It only takes ONE crazy to make it ALL just nuts.
Hope you'll update us and sure do wish you good luck.