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My boyfriend and I drove across the country back in April because my mother asked us to come move here so that would be closer to her. We spent everything out here and have a loan payoff because we needed to put our car up in order to get money to do the move. my mother told us that we could stay with her rent free until we could establish ourselves. However, when we arrived, my mother was in need of full-time caregiving….. her arthritic knee had degenerated so much that she could barely walk and so my boyfriend and I were replaced in the position of not only trying to settle into a home that was ours with all of our things stored in the garage, but also taking care of her! My partner is a jeweler and has his studio here and the basement, my mother knew he was going to this because she herself had a window installed for better lighting. I believe the intentions were good, but as time is progressed, there have been a lot of reveals as far as her mental health, and she just was so abusive and dismissive to us both when we confronted her on some of the awful things that would come out of her mouth. She would say things like if you don’t like it here then you can just go back to Oregon if we could just pull out another $17,000 from our pockets. We barely have any money, but we did find an apartment in which she offered to help with the deposit in the amount of $3000. She gave us $1500.02 months ago, when we signed the lease…. And our move-in date is October 15. we have asked for the other 1500 after we’ve had a few big blowouts because of how rude she was being to us after her knee replacement….. and now she’s pulling a card and lying about us and her offer to help us leaving us in a very desperate position, including threatening to evict us!!! Even though she knows we have an apartment that we are trying to pack and get ready to move into. She is doing weird things like telling us we can’t cook beyond a certain time., and also resent her offer for us to store some things here. She is lying to my brother and my aunt and anyone else she can lie to you to cover up her own behavior and reverse victim blame me. Her behavior is erratic and rude and extremely resistant to supportive help post operation…. I’ve lost my temper several times in which she relayed to others that I am out of line, etc. and can’t have me here anymore taken care of her or living in the house. I have been a very attentive, loving daughter that is merely trying to remind my mother of the things that she needs to do. I even created a whiteboard with her medication schedule and would try to help her do her exercises, etc. and she would just be generally nasty to me. I thought it might’ve been because she was on some oxycodone but we do have a history of being very abusive to me, and it seems that my very presence triggers her and she will resist anything I offer and be extremely disrespectful to me if I am what she considers “ persistent “…..
My heart has been broken to smithereens, my partner and I have been under the most stress we’ve ever been through and our five years together and we have three weeks to go here. She keeps threatening to call the police and have us removed if we even talk back to her, after she has asked us to steer clear of her she will approach us whenever she wants. we do our best to stay clear, but we do have to eat and there are times where she will just start trouble or yell at us and threaten us. Not sure if this is how dementia presents itself or if this is just my mother being evil….But I literally can’t believe that my mom is trying to tell everyone in our family that we need to leave because we are awful people after caregiving for her for months on end and doing all the yardwork and everything else that needs to be done. Discarded and I’d like to know what my legal righte are in the event She keeps threatening eviction, even though we’re moving out. Thank you all for any of your insight.
Seems like dementia to me.

Your situation is dire, and you did all that because you wanted to help your mother who has a history of being abusive to you? I'm so sorry.

If she wants to evict you, you're in luck. That's your escape. You need to get out of there and away from the obligation that never should have been yours. Is there someone you can stay with until you can move into your own apartment? Can you camp out in a tent from Walmart for three weeks? Can you go back to Oregon somehow? If you stay in her vicinity, it will just get worse. She's never going to be the kind sweet mother that you always wanted, no matter how much you help her. Realize that and GO.

Stop doing things for her right now, and plan your getaway. I wish you luck in getting back to a calm and peaceful life far away from mom.
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Be careful not to allow her gaslighting to be affecting you.
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