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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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She is fine after the care taker leaves. This is taking a toll on her health, and even the caretaker sometimes tends to weep. Can someone provide suggestions?
Things do go missing with some caretakers. Perhaps you could talk through with M what she is particularly worried about, and find a place to keep it secure (even locked into a container). Taking it out to look at occasionally could turn into a ‘special treat’.
Another thing that you could do is to leave out something that is easy to nick, like coins, and wait to see if it goes. If it does disappear, you have good reason to lock up small valuables. If it doesn’t, you can ‘confess’ to M about the trick test you have made and how honest the caretaker clearly is.
Thanks for quick response. But she gets worried for grocery / vegetables/ and other small things. Am really worried about my mom. I feel that, its hurting her that some outsider has come home....and she cant do her tasks freely. While its nothing like that. We are just trying to give her help and support at home...as she had a fall few months back, and has bit of difficulty in walking.
And yelling loudly..causes lof of giddiness and BP goes low, Any other way to help mom....am worried, as it's mentally affecting her
Thanks for quick response. But she gets worried for grocery / vegetables/ and other small things. Am really worried about my mom. I feel that, its hurting her that some outsider has come home....and she cant do her tasks freely. While its nothing like that. We are just trying to give her help and support at home...as she had a fall few months back, and has bit of difficulty in walking.
And yelling loudly..causes lof of giddiness and BP goes low, Any other way to help mom....am worried, as it's mentally affecting her
Sounds like your mom is showing signs of having dementia, as paranoia is pretty common with most dementias. You may have to tell your mom that if she can't adjust to having caregivers coming to her home that she will have to placed in the appropriate facility to receive care. There are no easy answers when dementia is at play.
The guidance you need to know is that your Mom is showing signs of dementia and therefore needs to be tested so that you know how to deal with it. Paranoia and anxiety are definitely early dementia behaviors, this is barring any diagnosed mental illness she may have had historically.
Testing for dementia usually involves discounting any other medical cause for her change behavior. UTIs are very common in elderly -- especially women -- and can cause them to be confused, agitated, belligerent, delusional with no other typical physical symptoms -- yet it can be tested for and is treatable with antibiotics. Other causes could be a high blood pressure, low oxygen, vitamin deficiency, stroke, tumor, diabetes and more.
But if she's on a pathway to a dementia diagnosis, she needs to have her legal ducks in a row. Every elder person should assign a PoA to manage their affairs and make decisions for them when they become physically and/or cognitively incapacitated. She can't do this once she has a medical diagnosis or her behavior worsens and she's not able to understand or voluntarily choose to assign a PoA. It will be a bad mess for a long time for her family if they wish to help her. No one will be able to do her banking, manage or access her assets, sell her property, or make medical decisions without a legal representative.
You have a quandry where you need to get her to a certified elder law attorney to assign a PoA, but she's anxious and paranoid. If you take her to the doctor for this, they will give her a thorough physical but then if she's on Medicare and over 65 they will ask her if she wants a cognitive test. At this appointment she should not have this test until after she creates a PoA. Hopefully her primary doctor can address her anxiety with medication, which may help get her to trust an attorney.
For yourself, you should start learning about dementia so that you will understand what's going on with your Mom. I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. They were extremely helpful because there are strategies to interact with people with dementia so your time with them is more peaceful and productive. Her caregiver should educate herself, too, if she's inexperienced.
If hired "strangers" will be coming and going from your Mom's house it is definitely a good idea to have a locking cabinet or fireproof safe to store valuables like jewelry, checkbooks, credit cards, passports, etc. I have one and so does my Mom.
varsha, I remember my Mom disliked having a caregiver in the house. For 70+ years taking care of the house was my Mom's "job", but Mom (90+) was having trouble doing all the chores, even with Dad's help. Both were major fall risks, and moving to senior living was met with "that's for old people".... (sigh)
Mom just didn't like having another woman do the cooking, light housekeeping, or even going thought her refrigerator. The caregivers were let go after 3 days. My Mom was almost blind with an age related eye issue, and it wasn't until she passed that I realized why Mom didn't want anything touched or moved in the house. Mom had memorized where everything was, even items in the refrigerator. If only Mom would have mentioned that to me, then I would have had a better understanding and be able to alert the caregivers.
Not really. This paranoia over fear of loss of "our stuff" comes to the fore for so many, and was the single worst manifestation of my brother's dx. of "probable early Lewy's dementia". I had a good talk with him about accusations and how unfair of them, and it was tough for us as we never really ever had had harsh words. I would attempt that with your Mom.
The sad truth is that these worries have grounding in reality. The elderly often ARE robbed by nefarious caregivers. That's the sad truth of it all. I would simply talk to her. If that doesn't work give her a small fire safe bolted to her floor where she can put her things that worry her when her house is occupied.
As to the caregiver crying about this, that's not really a good thing. Caregivers should be understanding of this and used to this and reassuring and adult about this.
I told my mom that I have cameras all over the house so I can see what the caregiver is doing. I had to say it a few times and I showed her the cameras. (Some of them). She started putting her purse back to its normal place and started relaxing. She still goes there during some sundowning, but it isn’t the entire day!
Two years ago my mother .ade me fire a caregiver because all of her hats, gloves and scarfs were "Stolen". She was a great caregiver. 1 year later I found all the Stolen. Hats, gloves and scarfs. I suggest you just push trough the objections.
Put security cameras in her LR, BR and kitchen. When she says someone is stealing from these rooms show her the video from the room she is saying things are being stolen from. My husband kept taking things, hiding them and forgot where he hid them so he kept saying someone was stealing them. He has Dementia and Alzheimer’s. Once the cameras were installed and he said things were being stolen. I reviewed the video and it was him and he was taking things to another room and hiding them. My son & I sat down with him and showed him the videos showing it was him and he was the one hiding things. He was surprised, and said hey, that’s me, look I did that and oh that’s where I hid it. Wow, I’m getting old and so forgetful. We told him that was ok as we will be the same when we get older. We explained we put the security cameras up so he wouldn’t be scared someone was stealing these things. He thanked us. He still takes things and hides them, forgets where. He will ask if he can watch the videos to see who stole from him. We show him, he laughs and says that’s me. Well I’m sure glad it was me and not someone else. We all get a good laugh. He doesn’t mean it and can’t help it but these cameras sure helped. He likes seeing himself on the videos on my phone. Our son bought them from Amazon, put them up and connected them to my phone.
They Lose a Lot of stuff and hide things . I went though this with My Dad for years . First it was the neighbor , then he hid his money . A lot of paranoia . Drove me Nutty constantly Looking for Hidden Lost items .
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Another thing that you could do is to leave out something that is easy to nick, like coins, and wait to see if it goes. If it does disappear, you have good reason to lock up small valuables. If it doesn’t, you can ‘confess’ to M about the trick test you have made and how honest the caretaker clearly is.
But she gets worried for grocery / vegetables/ and other small things. Am really worried about my mom. I feel that, its hurting her that some outsider has come home....and she cant do her tasks freely. While its nothing like that.
We are just trying to give her help and support at home...as she had a fall few months back, and has bit of difficulty in walking.
And yelling loudly..causes lof of giddiness and BP goes low, Any other way to help mom....am worried, as it's mentally affecting her
But she gets worried for grocery / vegetables/ and other small things. Am really worried about my mom. I feel that, its hurting her that some outsider has come home....and she cant do her tasks freely. While its nothing like that.
We are just trying to give her help and support at home...as she had a fall few months back, and has bit of difficulty in walking.
And yelling loudly..causes lof of giddiness and BP goes low, Any other way to help mom....am worried, as it's mentally affecting her
I solve one issue with mom , think ok she won't stress anymore, next minute there is another one. Some get more and more paranoid as they age .
You may have to tell your mom that if she can't adjust to having caregivers coming to her home that she will have to placed in the appropriate facility to receive care.
There are no easy answers when dementia is at play.
Testing for dementia usually involves discounting any other medical cause for her change behavior. UTIs are very common in elderly -- especially women -- and can cause them to be confused, agitated, belligerent, delusional with no other typical physical symptoms -- yet it can be tested for and is treatable with antibiotics. Other causes could be a high blood pressure, low oxygen, vitamin deficiency, stroke, tumor, diabetes and more.
But if she's on a pathway to a dementia diagnosis, she needs to have her legal ducks in a row. Every elder person should assign a PoA to manage their affairs and make decisions for them when they become physically and/or cognitively incapacitated. She can't do this once she has a medical diagnosis or her behavior worsens and she's not able to understand or voluntarily choose to assign a PoA. It will be a bad mess for a long time for her family if they wish to help her. No one will be able to do her banking, manage or access her assets, sell her property, or make medical decisions without a legal representative.
You have a quandry where you need to get her to a certified elder law attorney to assign a PoA, but she's anxious and paranoid. If you take her to the doctor for this, they will give her a thorough physical but then if she's on Medicare and over 65 they will ask her if she wants a cognitive test. At this appointment she should not have this test until after she creates a PoA. Hopefully her primary doctor can address her anxiety with medication, which may help get her to trust an attorney.
For yourself, you should start learning about dementia so that you will understand what's going on with your Mom. I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. They were extremely helpful because there are strategies to interact with people with dementia so your time with them is more peaceful and productive. Her caregiver should educate herself, too, if she's inexperienced.
If hired "strangers" will be coming and going from your Mom's house it is definitely a good idea to have a locking cabinet or fireproof safe to store valuables like jewelry, checkbooks, credit cards, passports, etc. I have one and so does my Mom.
Mom just didn't like having another woman do the cooking, light housekeeping, or even going thought her refrigerator. The caregivers were let go after 3 days. My Mom was almost blind with an age related eye issue, and it wasn't until she passed that I realized why Mom didn't want anything touched or moved in the house. Mom had memorized where everything was, even items in the refrigerator. If only Mom would have mentioned that to me, then I would have had a better understanding and be able to alert the caregivers.
The sad truth is that these worries have grounding in reality. The elderly often ARE robbed by nefarious caregivers. That's the sad truth of it all. I would simply talk to her. If that doesn't work give her a small fire safe bolted to her floor where she can put her things that worry her when her house is occupied.
As to the caregiver crying about this, that's not really a good thing. Caregivers should be understanding of this and used to this and reassuring and adult about this.