I had an injury at work so I have no income. I sacrificed everything to care for her now she is trying to make me move out when she knows I have no money, friends, family and no place to go. There seems to be an abundance of resources for her, but not so many for me. I don't know what to do. She has been so abusive. I've been losing my mind I tried to not let it bother me and still be kind to her. Then she acts more awful and cruel, it's even gotten to where she pushed me and left bruises on my chest because of how hard she shoved me. I still didn't engage. She is making all different kinds of claims to adult protective services of things that I'm not doing. Everybody is saying 'he said she said' even though I have video evidence to prove I'm not doing any of these things. I can't get any help and I don't know what to do.
Woman are prioritized for getting housing in my community. Reach out to local agencies and the womens shelter and homeless shelter. I think in person appointments will get you further (rather than just talking to someone on the phone.)
The churches in my community also provide temporary housing.
Cut your ties and move on.
Our homeless shelter in town works hard to find people jobs and our womens shelter does also.
Even if your mother has bi-polar she does not have a right to assault you. You have a right to defend yourself. You don't have to let anyone put their hands on you. If you don't know how to throw a punch, go and get yourself some pepper spray and keep it with you at all times. When she comes at you, let her have it. I certainly would and have. Also, if her home is your legal residence, she can't just throw you out. She would have to do a legal eviction process.
Try to find yourself a shelter to got to for victims of domestic violence because you are one. Domestic violence isn't just men beating on their women or vice versa. It can also be a parent abusing their adult child.
I feel for you because I've been there. No money, no job, nowhere to go and moving back with my own mentally ill, abusive mother. The abuse stayed contained to verbal, psychological, and emotional abuse. Her abuse did not get physical when I came back as an adult. She learned her lesson when I was a teenager about not getting physical with me. So it never went that far again.
You can rebuild your life. There are resources that can help you do this. The first step has to be getting away from your mother. If you don't have family or friends who can take you in for a while, a shelter for abused women will be an improvement. Remember even if the women you meet in the shelter are very different from you, all of you have one thing in common. You were being abused and you all took the first step and left.
Please research some shelter options then come back here and let us know how it went. Good luck to you and please get away from your abuser and leave no forwarding address.
You need to get your life back and can do so by, for example, going to a women's shelter and asking them for help. They have resources to assist you in accessing funds, and making you independent again, They can also help you get counselling to raise your self esteem and establish boundaries for your own self protection.
Your mother is mentally ill and you do neither yourself nor her any good allowing this situation to continue. Please step totally away rom your mother and get help for yourself. It's the healthiest and kindest thing to do.
Wishing you all the best in this very difficult time in your life.
You can also try calling some churches to see if they have a Care ministry or benevolent fund to help people just like you in your situation. Our small church does this all the time for people who are not even members, attenders or believers. We recently had a member donate $10k to the benevolent fund. Recently we've been paying the rent for a severly injured man, and a disabled couple and the utilities for an Afghan refugee family of 6. At one point many years ago we allowed a homeless woman to sleep in the church office for several months when she couldn't find housing and we didn't have the funds to pay for any rent. At least she was warm and safe (here in frigid MN).
Yes, it will be hard for a while and then once you get some traction things will eventually improve -- but only if YOU take action.
I wish you clarity, wisdom, courage and peace in your heart as you venture out to save yourself.
Attempt to get legal status over her, proving she is not of sound mind (if she is pushing you physically, this may be a sign of this and a claim to this).
Fire the caregiver as soon as possible. A caregiver who does not see the value of a mother-daughter relationship without facts is not a good caregiver, and the caregiver may have a motive. If it is impossible, audit the caregiver with a fine-tooth comb. If the caregiver assertively presents facts, such as the "why" you should leave, there are probably civil win-win-win resolutions.
If you must vacate, find a way to put this behind you. Abuse must never be tolerated at any level at any time. The hero, if not being presented with facts and as a responsible and strong person, walks away. The fighter keeps fighting this no-win situation, which will most likely worsen things.
Stay strong. These are usually tough times. First, be a hero to yourself; this will encourage things to fall into place.
As far as staying with your mom, are you crazy? Be thankful you can walk away and never have to feel guilty about NEVER looking back at this hateful female. She is doing you the best favor you could ever hope for.
Go have a life and let her have the life she has chosen. You can only help yourself now, do it!
Good luck.
You simply cannot help the mentally ill. Only people specially trained can do it, and they often fail as well.
Providing support that robs you of your own life won't help her and it will injure you.
Please read Liz Scheier's memoir, Never Simple. You can order on any device from most libraries or on Amazon; not a new book and cheap used. Ms. Scheier tried to care for her mother for many decades and was quite smart, able to access the social services of the city and State of New York. ALL TO NO AVAIL. Her mother died penniless and broken. She could not be helped by anything that was tried. There is no way to become guardian for someone mentally ill; it isn't like dementia. And were there a way it would be horribly unwise to attempt to do so.
Sad to say you are back at square one in your own life now, having made bad decisions that have left you in real trouble. I couldn't be more sorry.
As an adult we make our decisions best we are able and live with the choices. I think you are at square one and I wouldn't waste time thinking that your mom has more support, as really the mentally ill do not, and our streets in America are littered with them and their tents.
So you, being of sound mind now are on your own. If you have any savings at all that's crucial. If not, you will have to attempt to get a job. She cannot quickly evict you; she will have to go through the courts; if she locks you out the police will help you get in. By allowing you to move in she made her own home yours until she evicts you, which she likely WILL DO.
So you have this window of time. If there is no family and no friends at all you are stuck with a shelter in the nearest city that has one. Call your local council on aging to find out. You will then work at whatever job you can (they are crying for help in almost all aging care facilities whether in kitchen, housekeeping or any other job; you can work your way up.) If you are disabled then you will have to get qualified for disability, and perhaps rental of a room in someone's home as a start.
This is very sad, but it is all part of the learning process and is not a mistake you will make again. We cannot be victim to the random thought processes of people for our very shelter; it's a terribly dangerous position to be in.
Jill, you have got yourself painted into a very tough corner here; there's no mistake about that. I wish you the very best using whatever resources you are able to find. I hope you will update us as you move along.
And second....no one should EVER put up with any abuse from anyone. Period, end of sentence.
So be grateful that you now get a chance to get your life back on track and get to get away from your abusive mom.
Will it be hard at first? Of course it will. Anything worth having usually is. And that may mean that you'll have to live at a homeless shelter for a bit, but there should be people there that can get you going in the right direction.
You can also call 211, and the good folks there can let you know what resources are available in your area to help you, including mental health help as if you've been abused you'll need that too, so you won't tolerate abuse ever again.
I wish you well in getting your life back on track and in letting APS take over the care of your mom.