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She was a Dr of Education, her sister is older and can't continue taking care of her every need. CNAs only come 3 times a week. I'm moving in to help with house maintenance but I work fulltime. She can't get in a bed due to her left side paralysis, it seems futile that she wants to stay home and gets cellulitis regularly. She's been back to the rehab/ home twice in 8 months for falling. The firemen have been to her home 7 times to help her after calling. At this point, it seems, she's not comprehending her burden to her sister or the lack of safety being at home. Living in a reclining chair just isn't sanitary or healthy. We've both seen a change in her personality. She has very short term memory, lack of technological ability, or reading interest which use to be her love! Do we just refuse to help anymore so she gets the care she needs in a home?

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She has no reason to even consider moving out because she is being cared for. Clearly, she needs extensive care. She won’t find incentive to move as long as no one explains to her that this situation has to end because it isn’t working out well.

Okiegranny offered a sensible answer to the problem.
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I think what you are saying is that the older sister cannot afford to lose the ill sister's income (Social Security and whatever else). The older sister needs to find a cheaper place to live, perhaps an apartment with sliding scale rents, and the ill sister needs to be in a nursing home. Nothing else makes sense.
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Yes, all that is being done for her is enabling this. She also is very at risk with the obesity and immobility; sepsis is what took my brother after a cellulitis in the leg. He was active and slender, but hid the fact he had the non-healing area on his leg. I hope that you will give her a time limit in which she will be "on her own" suggesting that the time be used to arrange for her care in home with agencies, or a move to LTC.
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JoAnn29 May 2021
This is a post from April. He has a newer one where things have changed. Also changed his name from KAWW58 TO KAWW57
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Glad you plan to move out. Yes, with her health problems, a Longterm facility is the only place she can go. ALs are not set up for the care she needs.

"I think the stroke has affected her reasoning because putting this stress on her sister seems to not be of much concern. Seems very selfish at this point".

These are signs of Dementia. Since she is immobile, I would start with Office of Aging. Ask if she can get an evaluation done in her home. If she lands in the hospital again and especially rehab, cousin can request a 24/7 evaluation. If it comes back she needs 24/7 help, then cousin needs to refuse to take her home saying its an "unsafe discharge". That sister cannot afford 24/7 care and she can no longer care for her. Eventually the firemen will tell you she needs to be in care.

Why does she need to wait to receive Medicaid longterm for a year. Is there an age limit?
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Kaww57 May 2021
That's so true and I meant nursing home. My cousin is unable to take care of herself at all. Once you get social security disability, it takes two years to get
medicaid. She had to go back to the ER again last night, couldnt get out of the chair to go to the bathroom again. She has bouts of cellulitis. Very sad but her sister needs to say enough, I cant take care of you anymore. She also went to the ER two weeks ago for chest pains, she is 5 years older. Time has came and went for her to live in a nursing home. She has no use of her left arm and left leg is affected as well. Can they get out of a nursin home after getting more mobile?
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I'm referring to anosognosia, which is the lack of ability to see her own ailments. I work full time so I wont be caring for her. Its her sister that is caring for her and can't. The left side paralysis and the obesity leaves her unable to feed, wash or leave the recliner except to slide over to the side commode. Why does the put this on her older sister unless she has lost some mental facilities from the stroke as well. Her quality of life is very poor at home but she can eat alot. I guess I dont get the selfishness of this anymore.
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Does she have a PoA assigned? If so this is the person who needs to figure out if she is no longer making decisions in her best interests.

AL is expensive and if she needs more than just an apartment (i.e. "a la carte" services) it is even more expensive. Is she currently on Medicaid? If not this may be the reason she is resisting. Even if she were on it, many states' Medicaid programs do not cover AL. If she qualifies for LTC then she could apply and hopefully qualify. If she doesn't qualify for Medicaid, this may be a problem as well. If no one has PoA for her and she has stopped making decisions in her best interests then I would let social services work with her and they would eventually acquire guardianship and take full care of her.

For her benefit and your conscience, it may be best to inform her of what's in store so that she may be motivated to act. If she does nothing after this discussion, then there's nothing more you actually can do. Do not move in with her and do not move her into your residence. She requires more care and a single person can provide or afford.
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KAWW58 Apr 2021
Yes her older sister lives with her and has a POA. She wouldnt qualify for AL anyway. It'd be a nursing home full time. They would take her income so the sister cant live by herself, Thats why I moved in. She has fallen 7 times and went to rehab in Nov and Feb. I think the stroke has affected her reasoning because putting this stress on her sister seems to not be of much concern. Seems very selfish at this point. Everytime she gets out of rehab her very limited mobility goes to no mobility. Therapy at home is just not enough. She has over a year to wait for medicaid. I moved in because I had a job transfer to the area. I'll get my own place soon because I cant wait for them to come to their senses.
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What disorder are your referring to? At 62, she could have 30 more years. You and sis will wear out long before that.

I'd have a serious talk with her and let her know you'll 'support' her in moving to an appropriate facility. But you won't prop up a facade of independence.

Once you move in---hon, you're stuck. You will be running flat out all day, everyday.

You can offer 'care' but not FT, in home care. It's better you remain a relative who loves and cares for her, but not a hands on, FT CG.

Good Luck. DO talk to sis and see what her take is.
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