She was a Dr of Education, her sister is older and can't continue taking care of her every need. CNAs only come 3 times a week. I'm moving in to help with house maintenance but I work fulltime. She can't get in a bed due to her left side paralysis, it seems futile that she wants to stay home and gets cellulitis regularly. She's been back to the rehab/ home twice in 8 months for falling. The firemen have been to her home 7 times to help her after calling. At this point, it seems, she's not comprehending her burden to her sister or the lack of safety being at home. Living in a reclining chair just isn't sanitary or healthy. We've both seen a change in her personality. She has very short term memory, lack of technological ability, or reading interest which use to be her love! Do we just refuse to help anymore so she gets the care she needs in a home?
Okiegranny offered a sensible answer to the problem.
"I think the stroke has affected her reasoning because putting this stress on her sister seems to not be of much concern. Seems very selfish at this point".
These are signs of Dementia. Since she is immobile, I would start with Office of Aging. Ask if she can get an evaluation done in her home. If she lands in the hospital again and especially rehab, cousin can request a 24/7 evaluation. If it comes back she needs 24/7 help, then cousin needs to refuse to take her home saying its an "unsafe discharge". That sister cannot afford 24/7 care and she can no longer care for her. Eventually the firemen will tell you she needs to be in care.
Why does she need to wait to receive Medicaid longterm for a year. Is there an age limit?
medicaid. She had to go back to the ER again last night, couldnt get out of the chair to go to the bathroom again. She has bouts of cellulitis. Very sad but her sister needs to say enough, I cant take care of you anymore. She also went to the ER two weeks ago for chest pains, she is 5 years older. Time has came and went for her to live in a nursing home. She has no use of her left arm and left leg is affected as well. Can they get out of a nursin home after getting more mobile?
AL is expensive and if she needs more than just an apartment (i.e. "a la carte" services) it is even more expensive. Is she currently on Medicaid? If not this may be the reason she is resisting. Even if she were on it, many states' Medicaid programs do not cover AL. If she qualifies for LTC then she could apply and hopefully qualify. If she doesn't qualify for Medicaid, this may be a problem as well. If no one has PoA for her and she has stopped making decisions in her best interests then I would let social services work with her and they would eventually acquire guardianship and take full care of her.
For her benefit and your conscience, it may be best to inform her of what's in store so that she may be motivated to act. If she does nothing after this discussion, then there's nothing more you actually can do. Do not move in with her and do not move her into your residence. She requires more care and a single person can provide or afford.
I'd have a serious talk with her and let her know you'll 'support' her in moving to an appropriate facility. But you won't prop up a facade of independence.
Once you move in---hon, you're stuck. You will be running flat out all day, everyday.
You can offer 'care' but not FT, in home care. It's better you remain a relative who loves and cares for her, but not a hands on, FT CG.
Good Luck. DO talk to sis and see what her take is.