My dad doesn’t want me to supervise him while he’s in the restroom or taking a shower, of course I’m standing outside just in case he falls or needs help. He is extremely weak and wants to be left alone. He isn’t eating, he sleeps 24/7, he lives with me and I only see him 3 times a day because he said he would let me know if he needs anything. He has fallen 6 times in the past, all these times he fell, he failed to talk into the baby monitor to let me know he needed to go to the restroom. I had to put a hidden camera in his room. When I give him his last medication, I knock, walk into his room and his room is pitch black my brother, husband, and his brother has advised me to leave him alone and respect what he asked for, his independence. Tonight is the 4th night he goes to the restroom without being supervised. I can’t sleep!!!!!! I’m scared he might fall and get hurt what should I do? The nurses and therapist have told him he is very fortunate to have a daughter like me to care for him. If they only knew what I’m going thru😔 he stopped doing his exercise in bed, he lost interest watching tv or listening to music. If he’s awake he stares at the room until he goes back to sleep.
My father died with mesothelioma, a lung cancer. One of the things I found out is that cancer can, in my father's case did, travel to the brain. You might check with his doctor to see if this is the case. It will change the way he reasons.
It sounds to me like he will be leaving this world soon. Is he eligible for Hospice? Are all the legal things taken care of? My daddy wanted to be buried in a local cemetery I didn't even know existed. I am so happy I asked him.
Bathroom
Grab bars near the toilet and in the shower.
Shower chair with arm rests (white plastic ones are easier to keep clean).
Handheld shower sprayer so he can sit while he rinses off.
Bedroom
Baby monitor (My anxious children/new parents have one and can see in the dark while their baby sleeps in pitch black room).
Pad corners on hard, "sharp" furniture with corner protectors (in baby section of stores).
Urinals and easy to wash flooring.
NO scatter rugs (easy to trip on)
Nonskid flooring.
Interlocking foam floor squares - wall to wall in rooms he uses all the time. (I put these down when my toddler grandson comes to visit)
A consistent schedule for him and you will help with your anxiety and his decreasing energy levels.
You might have to turn his TV on for him during the day to his "favorite" programs.
Night lights, a lighted pathway.
Provide a urinal bedside, with a lid.
Provide comfort care to the best of your ability.
So sorry that your Dad is so very ill.
Not many will know what you are going through.
My Dad passed of lung cancer. Things said by others during that time are still in my head.
People close to you, "brother, husband, his brother" are also going through similar, but have chosen a "hands off" stance, and told you to do that. Well, that's not you, is it? Your concerns are valid.
Your relationship is with your Dad, follow his wants and needs as close as possible. You are the one doing the caregiving it seems. Try not to impose your will on him while keeping him safe if you can.
Talk to caregivers here who may understand. Ignore any comments that don't fit.
Let him take charge of his life, while he still can. If he falls he falls. He will know it’s his fault. He’ll admit he was a dumb**s.
You may find he’s more receptive to some help if you follow his lead and stay as calm as you can. Try to remember that he’s an adult and in charge of his life, even though the decisions may not be the ones you would want him to make.
He may not have much time left here. Please try to enjoy the time you have together. Create some good memories, not ones of anger and frustration.
If he is not on Hospice I would hope he would accept that.
I suggest putting a light in his room that is motion activated so when he gets up to go to the bathroom he will not be in the dark. If you could get him to use a walker that would help. Place a walker in the shower so he can use it to steady himself. Or a shower chair. (I used to buy used walkers for the shower for my Husband to use. He would not use grab bars, he would hold on to a walker.)
The hard part of this is realizing the fact that your dad is dying and as safe as you want to keep him you can not stop the disease process.
Just give your dad a hug, spend time with him and tell him you love him, you will miss him and thank him for being the dad he is.
Hospice is a very good idea. If father isn’t in pain now, he is likely to be at the end (both like my own mother), and it’s good to be prepared in advance.
If dad winds up falling one night on his way to the bathroom, call 911 and have him transported to the ER for care. Of course, he will have to agree to be taken by the EMTs. :(
My deepest condolences over what you are going through; this must be tremendously stressful for you to feel so helpless. Sending you a hug and a prayer for peace, for both you and your dear father.
Hospice is something I would talk about with his Drs. Hospice will come and discuss what they do to keep Dad comfortable during his last days.
Please do not be a helicopter daughter. My GFs father had a heart attack and I went to visit. All he wanted to do was sleep and all his youngest daughter wanted to do was tell him to wake up Js here to visit. I told her to let him be and she continued.
Either let him be, or move him somewhere where he can be cared for 24/7 by clinically trained people.
He will also have PT on a regular basis.
Sounds like you are in way over your head.
One trivial thing – my gadget-minded husband recently bought a bedside clock that had the option to display the time on the ceiling, in what's called a 'seven segment display'. To my enormous surprise, I’ve found it fascinating when I am awake in the night. '8' is the only digit that uses all 7 segments. I see how the segments are tailored to look best, which of them work well upside-down, which digits I like and will wait for. It occupies me, changes every minute, and often sends me back to sleep by blocking out my other thoughts. And it was cheap! Your Dad might like it too.
You have my very best wishes at a difficult time for you and your father. Love, Margaret