He is now on Hospice care , in his home. Hospice comes in three times a week to bathe him and check his vitals. They have been wonderful. Mother can’t handle him by herself so I am sleeping at their home almost every night now for about 2 weeks. I help her care for him and feed him and try to get his medicines down. He fights us all the time to take his medicines. He try’s to bite us and spits his medicines out on us. It’s very frustrating but it’s my dad. I know my mom
needs help and out of the 5 children , I’m the only one who routinely gives the time to help. It’s heartbreaking to know that my dad doesn’t see his other children even though we constantly give them updates on his rapidly declining health. I have pleaded and even tried to guilt them into helping. I just don’t get it. Do they think I want to see him this way either. But this is our father who was there for us our whole lives. Why don’t they feel obligated like I do to be there for him now? What can I do? They say they don’t want to see him like this. What a cop out. I don’t either. Don’t they feel any sense of doing the right thing? He would be there for them.
Try to just forget about your siblings helping. Accept that they are being honest with you about their feelings. Believe them when they say they can’t do it. I’ve seen this many times and it seems to be a hard wired condition in some humans. Actually many humans. Predominantly I think it’s fear.
A woman can lose her husband and she will be dropped by her social circle. A person can be diagnosed with cancer and all of a sudden friends act like they think they will catch it. My SIL husband had cancer and his children would not come see him in the hospital. The emotional pain is so strong. The fear is so strong. It’s like your sibs need medication themselves in order to deal with the situation.
I have a cousin who is sole caregiver for her parents. Her mom is on hospice. She has Parkinson’s. Cousin has a sister who has health problems of her own. The sisters are now estranged from one another. The first four years they suppported one another. The only brother lives in St. Croix. It’s sad. But it is not unusual.
Perhaps your dad’s meds need adjusting? Speak to the hospice doctor and see what they recommend. Your dad shouldn’t be so agitated. He should be checked for a UTI in case that is the problem. The medical staff is your best resource. My aunt has been on hospice over two years so know that this can last awhile.
When you speak to the doctor, tell him you are concerned for your mom.
My aunt is easy in comparison to your dad but this really takes a toll on all concerned.
Feeling bad about your siblings doesn’t help
your mom or dad. Release the frustration you feel. It’s not about you and them. It’s their own demons they must fight.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Dad spoke a lot during the night. He had conversations with different people and may of relived situations during his life time.
Speak to the doctor about the meds. He may have trouble swallowing them.
Yes, Daddy gave his children all he had while we were growing up. I could never understand why my siblings abandoned him. Taking care of him left me physically and mentally drained but I would do it again. He deserved that.
I am slowing letting go of the anger I felt towards my siblings. I received the greatest gifts from my Dad. His strength has become my strength. His love has become my love. Noone can take that from me. I can cry for him sometimes and then feel his comfort. It's a beautiful feeling.
Stay focused on him and his needs. It will not last forever. GOD will not give you more than you can endure. That holds true for you and your Dad.
Be strong my friend.
GOD BLESS!