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We are having disagreements about her care. Primarily, 2 siblings alternate spending up to 8-10 hours a day with her and appear to interfere with the staff caring for her. They feel the staff doesn't give her enough time to understand her long term anxiety (pre-dementia) and they must be at Mom side daily.The siblings are contemplating moving her to another facility. The current facility receives the outstanding grades from multiple accreditation organizations as well as current and former patient families. Friends have concerns about their time spent doing staff duties and now with the potential of moving her a hastening of her life.Mom is 101, unable to walk to due arthritis and edema and often not aware of her surroundings.
Any suggestions to break the 8-10 hour a day habit and postponement of a move to another facility.

I don’t know that there is anything you can do .

These sisters will do what they will do . It will be up to the staff to let them know when they are in the way .

I doubt the mother will know the difference where she is .

My only suggestion is to suggest hospice . Maybe the sisters would relax a bit if another set of eyes came . A nurse would come once a week to see what is needed , and an aide a couple of times a week for bathing . Hospice would bring supplies such as incontinence supplies etc . A social worker would come , clergy , perhaps they could talk to sisters about not spending so much time .
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Reply to waytomisery
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As an "ex" daughter-in-law, you really don't have any say in the matter anyway, so perhaps it's best you stay out of it and let this woman's family do what they feel they need to.
At 101 years of age, there is no "hastening of her life" as she is near the end right now.
Like already said, perhaps it's best to just bring hospice on board now as they will make sure that your ex-MIL is kept comfortable and pain free until she leaves this word for the next, and will be extra sets of eyes on her until then too.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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christinex2ri, trying recommending to the 2 siblings that Mom-in-law won't learn to have a routine if they keep interfering with the Staff's work. Routine is so very important. What does the sibling do all day?


Moving Mom-in-law to a new facility won't change her care, it would just confuse her even more. All the new faces to learn, new sounds, new food, new floorplan, etc. is overwhelming to someone with advanced dementia.
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Reply to freqflyer
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I think the 8 to 10 hours is over the top. My daughter works NHs and says Dementia patients have no preception of time so don't know when a family member is there or not. Has the facility said anything to the sisters about interferring with the staff? Are sisters doing for Mom? Then the staff probably appreciates that.

As an ex-DIL, unless asked your opinion, I would stay out of it. If your being asked to putvin 8 to 10 hours my answer would be no. I did not spend more than an hour a day with my Mom.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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