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Mostly Independent
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He currently lives alone in another state. What do I do? I would love to have him live with me until he has to go o facility as last resort but he does not want to make the move.
I've never seen a dementia patient 'get better' no matter the amount of love & care that goes into --well, loving and caring for them.
You say you'd 'love' to have him live with you until he needs a facility, but I can state that once he's happily ensconced in your home, he's never gonna wanna leave. Your kindness will likely be burned up within 6 months.
And nobody I ever knew who had dementia, admitted it and thought they had any issues. My MIL is sliding rapidly into dementia and she thinks everybody ELSE in the world has a problem. She's fine.
The chance to move her to a more appropriate setting for care was a year ago. The kids were too concerned about making her mad, so they opted to let her drive the bus.
Almost a year later and everyone involved and many on the periphery of involvement have burned up and are sick to death of this arrangement.
oh no. so per the title of your post, his PCP says he has dementia. Do you have documentation of this? do you think, and does PCP think that living alone is not safe given the dementia? I would say that first step is getting PCP to put in writing what he needs at home given his dementia. eg. " 16 hours of 1:1 care at home" or "24/7 care at home". that may give you more strength in argument on what to do.....
If your father is coping well in Independent Living, why intervene? It’s what he wants and it’s working OK for now. You think that you “would love to have him live with me”, but many many many posters on the site have done it and found out that it has been a disaster. You can’t know until you’ve tried it, and then it’s too late to change back.
Perhaps check out if the IL facility is linked to AL, because that may be the smoothest move to make when things stop working so well.
Are you POA? Do you want guardianship? Do you understand all that is involved in caring for someone diagnosed with dementia?
Time for a trip and a discussion the your father's medical team. Time for a visit to an elder law attorney in that area to decide what Dad needs, what powers you have, what powers you need, and to have discussions with your Dad.
You are, if you intend to take control of anything in this matter, going to need a full neuro psyc consult and diagnosis, so that you have letters from at least two MDs as to your dad's ability to be on his own.
So sorry to hear this bad news about your Dad. It is a day at a time and a step at a time now. If there is no support for him in his area the first step is a trip home.
You say dad lives in "Independent Living". If so, the administration will ask him to leave or move into AL if he becomes a danger to himself at some point. If you are listed as his emergency contact, you'll likely be notified.
If dad lives alone in a non senior environment, you may have to wait for a crisis to happen which sends him to the hospital and then rehab. Rehab will refuse to release him as an "unsafe discharge" and then he'll have no other choice but to go into managed care of some kind.
It would be wise to go visit dad and lay eyes on him and his living conditions to see for yourself how he's doing. Then you can have a talk with him face to face which may or may not produce the results you hope for.
is he at home by himself? or independent living facility? big diffence.' as alluded to, an independent living facility that is also affiliated with AL and even possibly MC, could make for a streamlined transition over the years,
If you click on the Original Poster’s name, you get their profile. Then if you click on the highlighted word for the person they are caring for, you find out more about what’s happening. In this case, it tells you that OP’s father is in Independent Living.
I would say if Dad doesn’t think he has a problem , he is to the point where he should not live alone or in independent living. He needs 24/7 supervision . I would suggest Assisted living . His needs will only increase , I think moving him in with you is too late unless you plan on hiring help with Dad’s money since he should not be alone. Do you still work ? You also would have to take him with you everywhere you went unless you hired help to stay with him at home . A facility with assisted living that also has a memory care unit for later on would be good. Do you have POA? Have you spoken to the doctor and has your POA been activated . If your Dad has dementia and he thinks he has no problem , he can not make rational decisions about where to live.
Perhaps he needs to be examined and diagnosed by neurologist. While not discarding PC’s diagnosis there are extensive tests to determine progression, treatment.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
You say you'd 'love' to have him live with you until he needs a facility, but I can state that once he's happily ensconced in your home, he's never gonna wanna leave. Your kindness will likely be burned up within 6 months.
And nobody I ever knew who had dementia, admitted it and thought they had any issues. My MIL is sliding rapidly into dementia and she thinks everybody ELSE in the world has a problem. She's fine.
The chance to move her to a more appropriate setting for care was a year ago. The kids were too concerned about making her mad, so they opted to let her drive the bus.
Almost a year later and everyone involved and many on the periphery of involvement have burned up and are sick to death of this arrangement.
I would say that first step is getting PCP to put in writing what he needs at home given his dementia. eg. " 16 hours of 1:1 care at home" or "24/7 care at home". that may give you more strength in argument on what to do.....
Perhaps check out if the IL facility is linked to AL, because that may be the smoothest move to make when things stop working so well.
If he is in Independent Living leave it alone, most likely his next stop will be AL then MC.
He is safe, he doesn't want to move, so be it for now.
Do you want guardianship?
Do you understand all that is involved in caring for someone diagnosed with dementia?
Time for a trip and a discussion the your father's medical team. Time for a visit to an elder law attorney in that area to decide what Dad needs, what powers you have, what powers you need, and to have discussions with your Dad.
You are, if you intend to take control of anything in this matter, going to need a full neuro psyc consult and diagnosis, so that you have letters from at least two MDs as to your dad's ability to be on his own.
So sorry to hear this bad news about your Dad. It is a day at a time and a step at a time now. If there is no support for him in his area the first step is a trip home.
If dad lives alone in a non senior environment, you may have to wait for a crisis to happen which sends him to the hospital and then rehab. Rehab will refuse to release him as an "unsafe discharge" and then he'll have no other choice but to go into managed care of some kind.
It would be wise to go visit dad and lay eyes on him and his living conditions to see for yourself how he's doing. Then you can have a talk with him face to face which may or may not produce the results you hope for.
Good luck to you.
as alluded to, an independent living facility that is also affiliated with AL and even possibly MC, could make for a streamlined transition over the years,
Do you have POA? Have you spoken to the doctor and has your POA been activated . If your Dad has dementia and he thinks he has no problem , he can not make rational decisions about where to live.