My father throws a tantrum if a nurses aide comes to stay with him so I can have 1 evening off a week. Any suggestions?

Hi Heather,

If you're finding it difficult to have a break, perhaps it's time for your dad to go into care. His life isn't more important than yours.

But, if you really want to be his main caregiver, then do what others are suggesting: go out more often and ignore the tantrum.
If the tantrum cannot be ignored because it's dangerous to anyone, himself or a carer, then it is definitely time for a care home.

Does he have dementia? If so, be nice but firm and do not argue. Just be matter of fact and tell him only very soon before you're leaving "Dad, I'm going out. Suzy is here to visit with you. See you later (or in the morning). "

If/when he freaks, say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I have plans and you are safe. Bye bye."

What Funky Grandma said.
He can get a grip or move to AL.
You are dealing with a Senior Brat who is now a true burden.

You do as said, you give him a kiss on the cheek, a hug, a see you later, be good for the sitter and walk out the door. If competent, you tell him he is acting like a toddler. You need a night out.

Like already said, you schedule yourself more than just one night off a week(because you deserve more than just one)with said nurses aide, and go enjoy yourself, and let your whiny father throw all the temper tantrums he's like.
And then you can throw in that if he doesn't like you having a few nights off a week, then you'll have to stop helping him all together and he can be placed in the appropriate facility, where you can get back to just being his daughter and advocate and not his burned out caregiver.

You ignore the outburst. I would also go with others and add another two per week for your own time. You need the break and he is with a caregiver.

Laugh

Brandee again--

schedule yourself more breaks--2-4 times a week, once a week is not enough

Ignore it.

You leave.

Get a break.

You do what you do when a child has a temper tantrum.
You ignore it.
When you leave and the caregiver takes over he will calm down.
He may not calm down right away but eventually he will get used to you leaving and another taking over for you.
It is actually a good idea if you can get a caregiver ore than 1 day a week. It gives you a break and it gets him used to another person.

So he has a tantrum.
When you leave.

What's the report from the nurse aide afterwards? 🤔

I watched my BIL say Bye kids & leave. Kids fine. I watched my SIL looking worried, delaying, You'll be fine.. & the kids crying, pleading, their hearts breaking Don't leaveeeee! yada yada. 2 mins after SIL left, the kids are playing happily.

Seen PLENTY of elders do same.
Manipulation. (Inc my own Mother).

Put your Confident Face on & Go.

PS look up *Shadowing* behaviour

Kids throw tantrums too when they don’t get their way . Let him cry it out .

Kids have to go to school they don’t get a choice. Kids have a babysitter when parents go out .

You go out , Dad sucks it up .
“ Too bad Dad, I’m going out , I need a night off “. Then ignore the tantrum .

I think you should do it more often . Let him get used to it more so he adjusts .
Otherwise it’s like the first time every time.

Let him throw the tantrum and have one evening off a week. You deserve that.