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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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If your mother did not have alhzeimers, I'd say call elder abuse at social services. For his sake and her's she needs to go to an alhzeimers unit in a nursing home. If you could get her to her doctor and you tell him in advance what is going on, he might could write up an order to place her in such a place.
Without POA, your stuck with either yourself or your dad going through the painful legal process of filing for guardianship in which case a doctor would have to declare your mother incompetent.
While this is all like dealing with an emotional huricane, once you get her situated and him safe, please advice your dad to give you Durable and Medical POA over him in order to avoid such a painful experience again.
You don't provide enough details to give you a workable solution but here are a few DO's and DON'Ts: DO hold a family meeting with your dad and your siblings, if any. This is NOT a mom & pop problem. It will take a lot effort by family, friends, and community resources to work yourselves out of this mess.
DO remain focused on the problem you stated here. Don't let any old family disagreements or other issues distract you from getting a hold on the solution. You do not have a lot of time if no one took prooper steps when mom was first diagnosed. This is not meant to be an indictment--just a reality check.
DO get advice from trusted resources like the Alzheimer's Association, an Elder Law Attorney, a Geriatric Care Manager, and a Financial Planner who is certified to advise seniors-- not for your Dad, but for you and your family)
DON'T get stressed out or feel so frustrated that you are afraid to act. Just take it one day at a time and keep coming back to this site. Many of us have been through this same situation and can offer good, workable solutions and moral support.
As a person who has been in the same situation, my advice would be, he sounds like he could use some help. Taking care of her is a full-time responsibility and can be tiring. Maybe he could use a break? Perhaps a sitter or member of the family that could take her on some planned weekends.
For a short term solution, I agree that you should talk to her doctor before a visit. My husband and I have been caring for his father for several years now. At first, he became very agitated and frustrated to the point that I was afraid he would become violent. We were new to the disease and the doctor informed us that the use of an anxiety drug was very common. He is using Paxil now and as his disease becomes worst the dosage has been increased. It just helps him to stay a little calmer and accept new situations that is hard for him to understand. This might help your mother until you can get a long term solution..
She denied she had Alzheimers from the beginning, so she was not willing to sign over her rights. It has made it very difficult for all of us. Now she refuses to go to a doctor and won't take any medications. She is wandering and very combative. Dad is ready for help, but it is so hard to get anywhere without a POA or any legal ground to stand on! Any suggestions? Thank you for all of the responses so far. I couldn't go into much detail at first, because of limited character space!!
Do you perceive her to be a danger to herself or to others? If so, she really needs to be and can be involuntarily committed where she will get a full physical and psychological evaluation. You might need help from your local mental health association or home help or some crisis line in your city.
no one denies having alzheimers. they don't want to admit to it. Everyone feels as if there world is about to close down. I took care of my mom for over 10 years. I knew something was wrong. I was the one who told the doctor to run a test. She was confused at times, hit me, called me names. forgot to pay bills,left the gas on and brunt many pots.In New York they give special ID cards for the elderly. When I took my own mon to get a special phonto ID with her medical conditions every thing was OK. But when we got home she notice the card stated about the alzeimers and other medical conditions. She called the state office to have it change. Of course they called my number in Florida where I live and they told my husband what mom was doing. You see she knew but did not to come to terms. I was moms durable power of attorney/ only one on her will/legal heath epoxy and personal legal rep. The illness gets worse with time. First you do have to have a family meeting and also getr the alzheimers assocation to send you the 36 hour book/ plus see if they can set you up with someone to talk to. The state elder care can also help. It is a 24/7 hours job, that is why you dad is having a hard time. His sole mate is sick and she does not understand. I believe that the illness of allzheimers is so hard on the caregiver.My mom would not sign over the house to me, and we almost lost it, but I moved her to Florida with me. However I did not know how bad she was in health. I looked into day care and found one, of which after the fire dept was called I had to place her there for assisting living. You must face the fact she not going to get better, make her life comfortable. If she says something out of place, that is not her but the illness. may god watch over you and take it one step at a time. patrica61
This is definitlly too much for your father to deal with first of all he needs to go to an elder lawyer it is very important when it is a spouse rather than a parent he will need to look into medicaide and he needs legal advice and will need help with the process the way the things are set up these days it is very difficult for the well spouse.At his age the stress of her care will in time wear him down and he will also need care. The elder lawyer will be able to advise him what has to be done I started doing that for my husband and no one asked me if I was his POA -I was but it never was brought up-but he needed to be placed-he was already in rehab for the 16th time and the social worker made him medicaide pending and the social worker helped with with the application they can get information a lot easier than we can and it is in their interest to get it done so they can start getting paid.
It is a very difficult situation. I also had a cousin whose mother was very paranoid and combative and refused treatment or medication. He became scared for her well being. Wihout the POA the son started the procedure to declare her incompetent. It required a doctor to certify her as such. He had a physiatrist come to his home and then had his mother over for a visit. She thought it was a friend of the family and allowed the doctor to talk and ask questions without her knowing what was happening. His statements to the judge allowed her son guardianship and the commitment to a home for her and her families safety. It is a very difficult situation and you think you are wrong to take such trastic actions. The easiest way for me to be able to handle these situations is to remind myself that I am responsible for my father-in-law's care and my cousin for his mother. If they are not capable of good decisions then they need help. I treat my father-in-law as my 5 year old son. If his decision is not a good one then I tell him no, explain why and give him direction. If he can not exist in the family framework then we have to find a way to include him or a place that he can be protected. In my situation for now it is working. But in the very near future I know that I am also going to be making some very hard deceisions. Good Luck!
I agree with Vickifisher and dross34. Medication can make an enormous difference. Some people don't want to take that route, but it is for the sake of all involved. My mother was very combative and hard to live with . I was right on the verge of putting her in a home, then I talked to her Dr. and he put her on one tiny pill a day (only 1mg haldol) and it has made a world of difference. She has been in our home with us for over a year and her attitude is wonderful. She is not sedated and she is sweet and easy to take care of. Her sitters love to stay with her while we work. But, if we miss even a day of the meds, she reverts back to the nasty attitude.
She either has Alzheimers disease or she doesn't. This should be medically documented. If she is in the early stages, not much you can do to force her to move anywhere. Complete outside help for your Dad is the better solution to this problem. If the abuse continues, just like any couple....he should move out. He deserves a right to happiness also. POA's won't help much in this case......only guardianship.
I would have to agree with Vickifisher. Maybe a break is just what is needed. Dementia puts incredible strains on even the healthiest couples.
I would also check out some dementia support groups and materials for more advice on this issue. I work on an eldercare blog and we recently wrote a post that highlighted several dementia advice and community groups. Check it out here: http://www.rightathome.net/seniorhomecare/?p=438.
this internet program is very helpful and you find out that you are not alone. everyone has their problems. But think of yourself first and get the help you may need. There are support groups that do help and the alzheimer's assocation has a phone line you can call 24/7. Your dad also needs your help. When someone comes down with Alzheimer's it is very hard on the patient and also to the caregiver. I found out there are so many state laws that protect the elderly and don't work with the caregiver. You can seek out your state elder care and see if they can help. I understand where you are coming from and what you are going through. I took care of my own mom for almost 10 years. Going back and forth to New York for years when they first thought of the illness. the angry that your father is going through is only the begining. I know it is hard on you and you are not alone . patrica61
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Without POA, your stuck with either yourself or your dad going through the painful legal process of filing for guardianship in which case a doctor would have to declare your mother incompetent.
While this is all like dealing with an emotional huricane, once you get her situated and him safe, please advice your dad to give you Durable and Medical POA over him in order to avoid such a painful experience again.
DO hold a family meeting with your dad and your siblings, if any. This is NOT a mom & pop problem. It will take a lot effort by family, friends, and community resources to work yourselves out of this mess.
DO remain focused on the problem you stated here. Don't let any old family disagreements or other issues distract you from getting a hold on the solution. You do not have a lot of time if no one took prooper steps when mom was first diagnosed. This is not meant to be an indictment--just a reality check.
DO get advice from trusted resources like the Alzheimer's Association, an Elder Law Attorney, a Geriatric Care Manager, and a Financial Planner who is certified to advise seniors-- not for your Dad, but for you and your family)
DON'T get stressed out or feel so frustrated that you are afraid to act. Just take it one day at a time and keep coming back to this site. Many of us have been through this same situation and can offer good, workable solutions and moral support.
I would also check out some dementia support groups and materials for more advice on this issue. I work on an eldercare blog and we recently wrote a post that highlighted several dementia advice and community groups. Check it out here: http://www.rightathome.net/seniorhomecare/?p=438.
Best of Luck,
Bill