I talked to her tonight and we had a very normal conversation. How will I ever be ok with her being there? Some days I think we’ve made a mistake. I’ve posted on this forum several times so forgive the repetition. I’m just struggling and have a lot of anxiety about taking her from her home to one room in a facility. We tried to let her have her cell phone so she could receive calls from friends but that lasted a day because she kept calling me and my brother and then couldn’t remember how to use the phone. The director said it wasn’t a good idea for her to keep it. So I removed the phone. She seems very high functioning to me. She does repeat some things and is forgetful. I’m having trouble being ok with her wanting to get out of there and missing me. I live out of state and go once a month to see her. I use an Echo Show to communicate with her daily. The director of memory care has assured me my mom is exactly where she needs to be and isn’t in good enough shape to be in AL which they do provide. Will I ever get over the sadness and guilt? I feel a huge weight on my shoulders and have trouble getting through the day without thinking about her and how unhappy she is. How do you cope?
In her case, if everything in life isn't 100% perfect and completely to her specifications, she's miserable. Meaning, she's miserable no matter where she lives, no matter what she does or who she's with. That's her personality which can't be fixed. I know shes safe and well cared for, so I'm happy in that knowledge and not feeling guilty at all.
Allow your mother time to adjust and make a few friends. To develop a routine, too. And remember you're her sounding board so she'll vent to you every tiny thing that's not perfect. My suggestion is to set up a monthly phone meeting with the nurse in charge or the executive director to see how your mom is really doing. From their side of things. I call it fact checking. My mother weaves some tall tales spun with exaggerations that are outright lies. The phone calls help me make sense of it all and gain perspective. Mom will say she's crying in her room all day and the ED will tell me she's outside in the garden every morning after breakfast from 10 to 12 and then doing crafts. She will send me a photo even! Mom likes to play the guilt card. Hard.
Wishing you the best of luck moving forward knowing you made a good decision