She is not on any medicine at all, is comfortable and is eating pureed food. It is a two day trip for us to go visit for an hour or so (or a very long 12 hour day). I feel guilty leaving her there but I wonder if I am foolish to consider bringing her to our home, with 18-24 hour care coming in? My only sibling died in December. Sometimes she is aware we are there and other times she just sleeps.
At this point I would not move her. Is there no family near where she is?
How often are you making the trip to visit your mom?
How feasible is it for you to bring your mom home? Do you have help? Other family in the area? How does your husband feel about this? How is his health?
i made a three hour trip one way for years to care for my mom. I usually did it in one day and only once a week and by myself. I was younger than you are now. Some of those trips were to bring her back and forth to her doctors. So 12 hours of just driving on those days. That didn’t count the doctor visits and meals.
I still do a two hour trip one way weekly for an aunt but seldom in one day. I spend the night and sometimes stay longer. So, I appreciate how hard this trip is that you are making.
As hard as it is, I think that would be easier for me even today than bringing my mom home for 24 hour care.
Your thoughts and your time are totally with your mom regardless of what you do. It does sound as if your mom is comfortable where she is. When she’s awake does she ask to leave? Is she satisfied to be where she is?
I think if it were possible I might try to find temporary housing for myself where your mom is located. I assume she no longer has a home in the area.
Take good care of you and your DH regardless of what you do. Be sure you stop along the way and stretch your legs.
Your mom has lived a good long life. I know it’s hard to say goodbye each time you leave but whether you move her or not, one day soon she will be gone from this world. You are doing the best you can. There is no one perfect way to care for a loved one.
I would follow what cwillie said and find temporary housing near her. If you can only see her an hour or so, is that because it's hard to cope with the reality? If yes, you do not want to try and bring her into your home. It would be far to hard on you.
Look for monthly furnished housing and spend time as you feel able.
I am sorry you are facing another loss so soon after your sibling, that is a lot to deal with and you need to be able to have space to process everything.
May your mom be granted a quick peaceful passing and may God bless you with grieving mercies.
I'll be blunt - I doubt that you could keep her as comfortable as she is in a nursing home. When my mom was basically immobile there were 3 shifts of workers who cared for her. She was repositioned regularly, night and day. With the help of a lift she was placed in her wheelchair and taken to the dining room, the lounge and to the "spa" for a nice soak in the tub (this was something she enjoyed right to the end). The RN checked her vitals regularly, and the nurse practitioner or doctor was available if needed. Yes, there were little things that broke my heart (like no fuzzy warm pj's, just an open backed gown and cotton sheets) but on the whole her care was superior to what I had been attempting at home.
Sometimes this is possible all they can say is no.
Blessings
hgn