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She also helps my stepfather with some cooking and help he needs ( he’s hard of hearing and losing his eyesight). Does anyone have experience with this situation?

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My mother was convinced that once she passed, dad was going to marry "Honey," their cleaning lady / companion to mom. Instead, a few months later, dad stood in the place of Honey's deceased father as "honorary father" at her wedding.
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Reply to graygrammie
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When I care for a partnered female dementia client. I befriend her. I ask her about her life tell her about mine and spend minimal time with the spouse. When one became jealous I took her hands made eye contact and told her she was my friend and that I loved her and I would never do that to my friends. Never came up again.
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Reply to AnnetteDe
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As I said earlier one man I took care of wife's was mad because the husband called me his wife.

I was there for him, and she was not very nice right from the start. I don't I could have done much that would of help. I should of probably tried bonding with her more, but doubtful that would of helped.

I think probably younger caregivers is the best option
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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It happened to me when I first got started in the field. I was taking care of a stroke victim who had mild cognitive decline. It was her son's nitwit girlfriend who got jealous. I pitched in and cleaned the kitchen including sweeping and mopping the floor. The both of them were heavy drinkers and the son got tore up drunk that night that resulted in a knock down drag out fight with the girlfriend. The girlfriend accused the man of looking at me and broke all the dishes in the kitchen. The next day I arrived for my shift, I called the office and told them what happened and that I was not staying. I took care of my client and left shortly thereafter. I told the couple you guys trashed your place you clean it up. I'll see you tomorrow.

I had a female client recently who kept cancelling her shifts because her husband would come out of his shell and start laughing and talking with me. She would tell him to stop talking and leave out the house.

Women are very territorial over their homes. So, I would tread lightly around these green eyed monsters.
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olddude Jul 15, 2024
Seriously, you should write a book about your experiences. I would totally buy a copy.
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Yes it's not at all unusual,

I got fired as a caregiver once because the husband called me his wife. The agency ended up putting more younger caregivers at this house instead of middle aged caregivers.

Women are very territorial and it's hard on them to see them doing the work that they want to do. They feel like they are being replaced.
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Hello freqflyer, thanks for responding to my question. No, my step-dad didn’t go through an agency. A friend of his spouse had used this caregiver for a few weeks before her husband passed and the spouse had recommended this caregiver. They have another caregiver that fills in on her off days who is much younger (mid-20’s) than the major caregiver and Mom doesn’t have a problem with her. It sounds like this is something that is not going to get better over time. Not sure if step-dad is willing to try someone new.
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Reply to GiGigrl
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GiGigrl, same thing happened with my Mom. The first day the caregiver was there, the caregiver prepared dinner for my parents. My Mom grabbed the plate from Dad, and threw everything on the plate into the trash. No other women was going to cook for her husband !!


My Mom was offended, like she felt people were thinking she could no longer care for her house (honestly, she couldn't at 97 years old) or care for her husband. My parents were still somewhat sharp for their age, but they had slowed down quite a bit which happens when one ages. But jealously didn't slow down, it only got worse.


Did your step-dad use an Agency to find a caregiver? Some Agencies will send out a different person each day, then your folks could choose which person worked out the best for them, then would be scheduled full-time. My Dad had two caregivers that helped him for close to a year. Both had a sense of humor that Dad liked, and who would laugh at his Dad jokes.
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