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My mom is in group home and has dementia. She said that one of the workers ask her to do someone inappropriate. How do we know if this is true and don't want to get someone in trouble if not true.

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My mother was scared of men so I always requested female nurses. One time there was at least 3 nurses in her room, 1 was male. Out comes the two females leaving the male. I apologized to him, Mom was already upset, but she needed a female nurse. Have already told my girls no male nurses. I would say she is making things up, but I would as for no male nurses.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I am still in semi-shock over the language that my MIL used in the last year of her life, as her brain just stopped filtering.

My poor Dh would come home from his shifts with her, absolutely shaken by the things she'd say. when it got personal, when she was complaining about ME with this foul speech, it was much, much worse for him.

Try as he (and his sibs) might, they were ineffective in controlling what she'd say. It got to the point they were telling the g-kids to stay away, b/c they never knew what she'd say.

Although he knew it was the disease, it still upset my DH a lot. No matter what the kids said to her to try to get her to not use foul language, it was, eventually, just not possible.
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Reply to Midkid58
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Truthfully, a male caregiver has to be out of his mind these days to be caring for females with dementia. Just the accusations alone coming out of these women's mouths are insane and enough to ruin a caregivers life forever.

OP, why can't you install a camera in her room??? Of course you can, and should. If for no other reason than to ease your mind and to clear this CGs name. And if he's guilty, to take appropriate action. If I were a CG, I'd wear a body cam like police officers do.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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Poor lady is in a group home, that's bad enough without possibly this coming up
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lealonnie1 Jul 9, 2024
How about you give it a rest cover?
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Is the caregiving done in a private home or a facility?

If in a private home, I would install camera's and make caregiver aware that there are camera's. If in a facility, I would discuss the concern with the social worker immediately. It is a tough situation but needs to be addressed for the sake of LO and the caregiver. I wouldn't want the accusation to fester unaddressed and have everyone speculate. Nip it at the bud. If no wrong doing is occurring then you will not worry.

Good Luck
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Reply to AMZebbC
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Sadly bad things do happen in facilities where vulnerable folks reside occasionally, so I certainly appreciate your concern. I would be concerned as well.
And while yes it's often hard to distinguish truth from fiction from someone with a broken brain, perhaps it's best to just ask that only females help your mom in the restroom, and while she's getting dressed.
That will at least make her hopefully feel more safe. And if allowed it may not hurt to place some inexpensive cameras around her room, where you can keep an eye on things from afar.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Isthisrealyreal Jul 9, 2024
Having the same sex aide is no guarantee in this day and age, unfortunately.
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OP, thanks for adding some clarification. I can assure you that the most refined, elegant and regal people, when they have dementia, can utter some of the most filthy, angry and cringeworthy words you've ever heard. It's a symptom of your mom's disease. And since she said this CNA was going to take all her money, I'm pretty sure none of this happened. That comes out of her dementia-induced paranoia. There's about one chance in a hundred million that he said any of those things.

She'll probably come up with a lot worse. Take it all with a grain of salt.
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Reply to Fawnby
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collegemom65 Jul 9, 2024
Of course she accused me of hitting and taking all her money. Then she said the ems guys were going to kill us. Hard to believe anything. But still want to make sure.
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Of course she said he was going to take all her money.
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Reply to collegemom65
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Thank you. I hope not. He changes her and helps her in bathroom. What she said he asked her to do was disgusting. Never heard my mother say the words he supposedly said.
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Reply to collegemom65
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We can't really know if this happened, considering that dementia patients confabulate. In my experience, they all do it, and some do it A LOT. She's not claiming that they DID something inappropriate, right? They only SUGGESTED something inappropriate (according to her). For the time being, I'd ignore it and not mention it again to her. But be alert!
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Reply to Fawnby
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collegemom65 Jul 9, 2024
Thank you. It's in a home and there is 5 residents. Only 1 other woman. Can't really install a camera. Going to still talk to the head of the facility. Not going to acuse but they need to know that mom doesn't want him helping her. I don't blame her. I would not want men changing me either.
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