My husband and I went to see her right away: my husband stayed a week and I stayed 3 to help out. Mom recovered physically amazingly well except for a lot of weakness. She does have some increased memory issues, and is aware of that. She now has 3 home health workers (including a speech therapist who is working with her on memory issues) visiting weekly through the end of this month, a helper once a week for a couple of hours, housekeepers every other week, and meals on wheels. She refused to go to a rehab facility when leaving the hospital, and in retrospect, that was a good decision since it seems to be care facilities that have been hit hardest by Covid-19. Both the states we live in have asked all residents to stay home to minimize the spread of the virus. My mom has lived alone for decades but I'm still worried about her: whether she's taking medications, etc. She's very comfortable in her home and refuses to move anywhere and safe there, but I'm still worried. She was improving little by little each day while I was there, but couldn't see it herself. Also, even after that relatively short period I've time I was there, I was exhausted, answering the same questions multiple times and being "on" 24/7- I really feel for people that care for family members for years. The home health therapists told her she needed to start doing meal prep herself before I left, and specific exercises each day, but she wasn't interested. I realize there's a certain amount of coming to terms with having had a stroke, as I had one a few years ago, so I think that's part of what's going on. I know objectively that she doesn't need someone with her 24/7, but I still worry. Any advice?
Maybe ask the medical professionals that are working with her for their opinion.
It sounds as though she is going to need full time care in the not to distant future. It's so hard when they don't want to leave their home. You may want to research "therapeutic fibbing " before the time comes to move her whether it's to your home or assisted living.
Hang in there!
God bless!
If balance is an issue at all—and it probably is—then your mother will not be safe if left alone. She may swear she is, but she isn't. If she is taking blood thinners after the stroke, then even a minor fall can cause internal bleeding that might never be visible but can kill her if there's no one to get her to the ER asap. And if she swears that she only needs a cane to walk, when she really needs a walker or a wheelchair, then the inevitable fall can easily turn into a broken hip. Peripheral vision also becomes a problem, as does distance perception, and a host of other things that can cause accidents. Even a person with the best intentions can take care of herself so well that she accidentally takes two days worth of medicines in one day. I speak from experience with my fiancé on all of the above situations.
Is there any way that you can go get her and bring her home with you for a few months? Then you can evaluate the true situation and make your decisions with real knowledge, not just what she tells you. If not, it is probably imperative that you make arrangements with a local home-health company that can send people to visit her several times a week.
Will your mother take her medications without supervision?
Will you mother prepare and eat healthy diet every day?
Will your mother complete all hygiene needs for herself without prompting: toileting, changing clothes, daily bathing, caring for her hair...?
Will your mother care for her home without assistance in a manner to keep is clean and not become a health hazard?
Will your mother self-isolate to prevent contracting disease?
Will your mother utilize online shopping or having others shop for her to provide necessities?
If your answer to every question is a resounding "YES!," then she has matters well in hand. If you are not sure, then it would be worth the expense to have daily caregiver coming in for at least a portion of the day. Your primary job is to make sure she is safe and cared for. Your secondary job is to be a social contact so she isn't socially isolated.
When she answered the phone the next day, my husband and I went to her and managed to get her to the hospital. In spite of the stroke, the doctors taking care of her said her health was far better than a woman her age would be expected to have.
She refused to cooperate with the speech therapist who was sent to assess her, and after 2 nights, told her doctor she was going home, and did.
Walked in the door, and except for some language issues, she resumed the life she’d lived before the stroke had happened, cooking her own meals, doing her laundry, everything. No sign of confusion or depression or forgetfulness.
In your situation I don’t think I’d feel quite as comfortable about your mom as I did about mine. Do you have any options for getting someone into her life on some kind of schedule to make sure that she’s ready to get back to being her independent self?
Hope this works out well for you both.
Strokes are so interesting. Situations are individual according to the severity of the stroke.
Speech therapy did help my dad but he continued to mix up his words from time to time. That was so frustrating to him.
At one time, he said, “I am stupid.” That broke my heart to hear him say that. I told him that he was not stupid, that his brain had been damaged and that’s why he was mixing up his words.
You said you're exhausted, answering the same questions multiple times .. dementia? I'm no Dr. But dementia often becomes more evident the more time we spend with and observe our loved ones. And our loved ones don't realize how bad it is either; they think they're just having 'senior moments.'
Wondering your mom's age. Maybe she shouldn't be living alone with memory issues, compounded by her other physical limitations which have worsened. She may no longer be able to make the best decisions for her care and safety.
Is there anyone who knows her well who can live with her? stay with her 24/7? observe what all's going on? even for a little while? to determine just what's gong on and if she needs more help than anyone realizes.
My dad had a stroke. He did rehab and home health. They work best together, back to back. They would not have suggested rehab if they felt she didn’t need it. Still, under these circumstances I totally understand your concerns about her safety.
The choice has already been made so be at peace with it. You aren’t going to change your mind. How do you feel about FaceTime? Does she have a smart phone? Or even installing a camera that you could watch the footage and see for yourself.
How was she doing with her therapy program? What did she have? Speech? Occupational? Physical?
Can you give us a few more details please?